up a ladder
09-08-17, 12:40
I kind of feel guilty as before, I join here when feeling crap and leave as soon as I feel better. I will do my best to be a bit more "supportive" in future.
Anyway, please allow me to spew my head.
I have been in and out of depression and anxiety since the early 90s. When it first hit I was unaware of why it appeared. Anyway spent years working with a therapist and at one point my meds consisted of a brew of Amatryptaline, Citramil and Lithium. Then when my daughter was born in 2001 I seemed to be free (mostly) of the problem. I could go to meetings at work, fly on planes with a bit of diazapam help. I did have bouts but they were short periods. 16 years later work got nasty and I fell back and got to a state that had me in A&E due to an OD. I have been up and down this year and again find myself feeling utterly retched. I wake up each morning and for 10 seconds all seems well, then my brain kicks in and I dread "being" I can't hide from it, run from it or seemingly do anything to drag myself out of this feeling. I am working from home, and although it relieved the anxiety of being in an office, I feel so lonely. I seem to improve in the evenings, but even that is wearing off as I have the knowledge the morning is not far away. My wife although supportive has little patience as she is very busy and I feel like a burden as well.
I have just gone up to 30mg of Mirtazepine from 15 and feel less tired (?) but just a damned depressed. For the 16 years I was okay (ish) I was on 20mg of Citalopram but when my massive fall happened in January they moved me to the current meds.
Thats me....
Anyway, please allow me to spew my head.
I have been in and out of depression and anxiety since the early 90s. When it first hit I was unaware of why it appeared. Anyway spent years working with a therapist and at one point my meds consisted of a brew of Amatryptaline, Citramil and Lithium. Then when my daughter was born in 2001 I seemed to be free (mostly) of the problem. I could go to meetings at work, fly on planes with a bit of diazapam help. I did have bouts but they were short periods. 16 years later work got nasty and I fell back and got to a state that had me in A&E due to an OD. I have been up and down this year and again find myself feeling utterly retched. I wake up each morning and for 10 seconds all seems well, then my brain kicks in and I dread "being" I can't hide from it, run from it or seemingly do anything to drag myself out of this feeling. I am working from home, and although it relieved the anxiety of being in an office, I feel so lonely. I seem to improve in the evenings, but even that is wearing off as I have the knowledge the morning is not far away. My wife although supportive has little patience as she is very busy and I feel like a burden as well.
I have just gone up to 30mg of Mirtazepine from 15 and feel less tired (?) but just a damned depressed. For the 16 years I was okay (ish) I was on 20mg of Citalopram but when my massive fall happened in January they moved me to the current meds.
Thats me....