socksrox
09-08-17, 18:05
i feel like i've come here so much that all i can do is wait until the next thing i find to obsess over has me running back to the forums... when i think "my anxiety is over with for now, i don't care!" it still nags at me and i find something new to freak out over.
but of course now a painless "lump" or hardening or something that i can feel ( and can't see. i think i can "see" it distending when i stand up but i can't really tell ) in my lower left abdomen that i found while laying down. it's difficult to hunt it out but when i find it i feel it there and i can't/don't think there's anything similar on the other side. whatever it could be is freaking me out though, whether it's a mass or a lymph node ( especially with my rash scare from my earlier posts. my rash in my pelvis area has started to go away at least. ). i'm a very thin person ( my arms are as bony as you can believe ) so i want to think it's just me getting into some random over-looking stage and feeling something normal but if it were normal i would feel it on the other side, right??? ugh. i've been trying to figure out a logical conclusion for things ( my period's coming soon, maybe that was always there, i've always had bowel problems--- which leads me into thinking it's actually something really serious, so it doesn't help ) but it just doesn't help.
i'm sorry for all the times i've come here and let myself not think things rationally. i wish i was a normal 18 year old who wouldn't worry about the worst possible things happening but my anxiety just won't leave me alone and it's not going anytime soon.
but of course now a painless "lump" or hardening or something that i can feel ( and can't see. i think i can "see" it distending when i stand up but i can't really tell ) in my lower left abdomen that i found while laying down. it's difficult to hunt it out but when i find it i feel it there and i can't/don't think there's anything similar on the other side. whatever it could be is freaking me out though, whether it's a mass or a lymph node ( especially with my rash scare from my earlier posts. my rash in my pelvis area has started to go away at least. ). i'm a very thin person ( my arms are as bony as you can believe ) so i want to think it's just me getting into some random over-looking stage and feeling something normal but if it were normal i would feel it on the other side, right??? ugh. i've been trying to figure out a logical conclusion for things ( my period's coming soon, maybe that was always there, i've always had bowel problems--- which leads me into thinking it's actually something really serious, so it doesn't help ) but it just doesn't help.
i'm sorry for all the times i've come here and let myself not think things rationally. i wish i was a normal 18 year old who wouldn't worry about the worst possible things happening but my anxiety just won't leave me alone and it's not going anytime soon.