bethanyjoy
10-08-17, 17:35
I have struggled with Health Anxiety for at least the last 15 years, probably longer. It has come in many forms and different focuses. This year alone I have worried about Breast cancer, Eye Cancer( who knew a trip to the opticians could be scary), throat cancer, The list goes on and is varied so I wont bore you with that.
This last week has been a complete relapse in terms of anxiety and constant fear. I had gone to the doctors feeling a little tired so wanted to get my iron levels checked as I lost a lot of blood when I had my son 9 months ago and after my last child I was anaemic. So off the bloods go and I didn't think anything about it til I received a call 2 days later to ask me to go in for more bloods, blood pressure check and urine sample...I asked the doctor to call me back as receptionist obviously couldnt tell me why. Turns out they were concerned about my kidney function as the levels came back a little low.
This sent me straight for google (I know, i should know by now not to do that). So in the run up to getting more tests I had convinced myself that I had Kidney Disease (something that had never even been on my radar before). I spent so much of my time in tears and terrified of what the results would be.
eventually got my results...blood work was ALL normal, kidney function in normal range and urine sample ratios didnt show anything to worry about in the slightest. Turns out the antibiotics i was on for a UTI mess with the blood results for kidney function.
So I should be sat here happy and calm and relieved right? except I'm not. I know my exact results (cos i made the doctor show me them to try and help me)...I know my kidneys are fine and yet im still battling this stupid thought in my head that the results are wrong or i read the screen wrong blah blah blah...you know how the story goes.
So today I woke with another urge to go googling...to compare my results with other "normal" ranges, I wanted to go back to the doctor and hear again that everything is ok and I shouldnt worry. But you know what I did? For the first time in my life when Im anxious...I didn't google (because I know it will either raise more anxiety or help in the short term but not for long). I went back to the doctor not to ask for reassurance but to explain that I have healthy anxiety and I needed help because I feel miserable with it.
I then spent the day baking and spending time with my kids because while I google I miss time with them.
Im hoping that the meds I was given kick in soonish and that the mind racing and fear/anxiety subside. But for now im focusing on anything but google, and trying not to annoy my doctor. Attempting to just trust the doctors opinion and move on. Because I really will not live the rest of my life like this!!
This wasnt really a post looking for advice, and Im sure at some point I will have a blip as I always have...but at some point you have to not accept the current pattern and fight back against this awful thing called anxiety...it really is a horrid beast.
One thing that helped me a lot and i keep repeating while im sat trying not to google is one of the sticky threads that said to ask myself "have I felt like this before"? Yup - loads of times.... "did is pass"? Yes it always does...and it will again!!!
Anyway for anyone who has read my little rant, thanks. I do actually sometimes enjoy reading others posts, not because I would want anyone to ever feel like I do but because it makes me realise I am not alone and that what I feel is actually anxiety :)
This last week has been a complete relapse in terms of anxiety and constant fear. I had gone to the doctors feeling a little tired so wanted to get my iron levels checked as I lost a lot of blood when I had my son 9 months ago and after my last child I was anaemic. So off the bloods go and I didn't think anything about it til I received a call 2 days later to ask me to go in for more bloods, blood pressure check and urine sample...I asked the doctor to call me back as receptionist obviously couldnt tell me why. Turns out they were concerned about my kidney function as the levels came back a little low.
This sent me straight for google (I know, i should know by now not to do that). So in the run up to getting more tests I had convinced myself that I had Kidney Disease (something that had never even been on my radar before). I spent so much of my time in tears and terrified of what the results would be.
eventually got my results...blood work was ALL normal, kidney function in normal range and urine sample ratios didnt show anything to worry about in the slightest. Turns out the antibiotics i was on for a UTI mess with the blood results for kidney function.
So I should be sat here happy and calm and relieved right? except I'm not. I know my exact results (cos i made the doctor show me them to try and help me)...I know my kidneys are fine and yet im still battling this stupid thought in my head that the results are wrong or i read the screen wrong blah blah blah...you know how the story goes.
So today I woke with another urge to go googling...to compare my results with other "normal" ranges, I wanted to go back to the doctor and hear again that everything is ok and I shouldnt worry. But you know what I did? For the first time in my life when Im anxious...I didn't google (because I know it will either raise more anxiety or help in the short term but not for long). I went back to the doctor not to ask for reassurance but to explain that I have healthy anxiety and I needed help because I feel miserable with it.
I then spent the day baking and spending time with my kids because while I google I miss time with them.
Im hoping that the meds I was given kick in soonish and that the mind racing and fear/anxiety subside. But for now im focusing on anything but google, and trying not to annoy my doctor. Attempting to just trust the doctors opinion and move on. Because I really will not live the rest of my life like this!!
This wasnt really a post looking for advice, and Im sure at some point I will have a blip as I always have...but at some point you have to not accept the current pattern and fight back against this awful thing called anxiety...it really is a horrid beast.
One thing that helped me a lot and i keep repeating while im sat trying not to google is one of the sticky threads that said to ask myself "have I felt like this before"? Yup - loads of times.... "did is pass"? Yes it always does...and it will again!!!
Anyway for anyone who has read my little rant, thanks. I do actually sometimes enjoy reading others posts, not because I would want anyone to ever feel like I do but because it makes me realise I am not alone and that what I feel is actually anxiety :)