View Full Version : fel foolish but need some advice

18-11-04, 21:03
hi guys i have tried to be supportive and fun on line but now i really do need some help.
i have got a hold of my deppression and anxiety on a whole meds have helped even know i realise reading you posts and talking in chat im on the maximum doses. one thing i have not got any hold of is my agrophobia. i have tried so hard to get out , i have been to the theatre and a club but then for about a week after i havent been able to do anything. i lost my dog to cancer and my partner of ten years continues to beat me , this time he broke my nose. i never press charges because without him i would never leave the house. i am scared but i really feel i have no option but stay. if i dont i know i will never leave my home again. cpns have been of some use but they dont do the shopping or pay the bills. i try to do most things over the internet , but some things just cant be done. just recently i took a handfull of tablets and half a bottle of vodka within the hour i called for a ambulance - i spent the night in hospital and there was talk of sectioning me and yes it was a cry for help and stupid. im a good person with a lot to live for , but i just dont know where to turn to . my partner is my carer there is no one else i have one aunt who has children who doesnt understand i have problems. i have no one else. its like a catch 22 situation. i have a car parked outside bought for me on ny 40th birthday but im no where near starting driving lessons. if only i could get out more on my own. i have spoken to my gp and consultant but all they seem to want to do is give me more medication, this time its zopiclone. i dont want to upset you guys , but i really need your help - please

18-11-04, 21:37
hello David,

I know this is going to sound like the obvious thing for me to say but if your partner is beating you, then you really need to leave him. It may seem to you right now that there is no way that you could cope without him but that just isn't true. For all you now, he may be the reason that you are suffering from anxiety in the first place and you just don't realise it.
I'm very sorry to hear about you dog. It is so easy to become attached to our pets and then we don't know what to do when they're gone.
You seem to think that there is no way that you could cope if you were alone but you CAN do it - you just don't know that you have that much strength inside you.
I hope you manage to feel better soon. Best wishes.

Sarah :D

18-11-04, 21:52
Dear Dave,

**i have tried so hard to get out , i have been to the theatre and a club but then for about a week after i havent been able to do anything.**

I haven't spoken to you in chat so I don't know a lot about your circumstances but it seems to me that you would do better to set about your recovery in a slower but sustained and stepped approach rather than these massive steps to clubs etc and then withdrawing .

Many people stay in violent relationships as the alternative seems so much scarier and leaves you entirely vulnerable and without company..

As sarah says - he may be contributing to your anxiety and it suits him to have you dependant on him . Its a power thing.

Are you Bham area ? Stimpy can tell you much more - but there is a star worker scheme which works with you on a practical level to build confidence and sustained progress.

I'm glad you recognise * im a good person with a lot to live for * .. Yes you are and Dave you can get through this and you will be more resilient having walked along the path to recovery . We will help you as much as you need.


You cannot conquer fear until you have learned what it is you're afraid of. The enemy is ignorance. Vivian Vance

18-11-04, 22:03
Hi Dave

Sorry to hear you're having a hard time. It does seem that the situation with your partner can't be helping very much. I can understand that it seems more frightening to think about finishing it and coping on your own, but the constant threat of violence must be contributing to your anxiety.

You've done so well to come back from recent events and I know how hard it has been for you. Don't worry, we have all done things we've later regretted when we've felt overwhelmed.

We are all here for you, you don't have to do this alone.

Take care.


It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.

19-11-04, 10:10
Hi Dave

Sorry to hear about your problems, I don't get much time to read posts on here so had no idea what you are going through.

Sounds to me that Karen, Meg and Sarah all give good advice, although I know that when other people give advice they never really seem to be able to imagine how difficult it would be for you to follow.

But whatever, don't give up, keep trying, and keep talking on here. If you don't tell us how you are feeling then we won't know.
We all know what it's like to have problems and will try and help if we can.

I think the main thing is to try and build up some self confidence. I know it's hard when you feel so low, but there is always something better out there, it's just difficult to learn how to achieve or find it.

Stay positive, keep searching, and stay in touch.
If I was closer, I'd take you out in the car and give you some lessons :)

But seriously, I know how it feels to lose a dog too - I had a lovely German Shepherd that died from cancer last year. Very painfull cos he was the only dog that that I have felt close to. Dogs do have such a short life, and parting is always sad. But for you life has to go on, and perhaps you should think of another four-legged friend? - they are wonderful for helping to take your mind off other problems....

All the best Dave,


19-11-04, 14:31
Hi Dave

Oh honey, I never knew what you were going through, you always seem so cheerful. You are obviously good at hiding things arent you?

I agree with what the others have said. As Meg said, you need to go out little and often instead of one big night out that cripples you for ages afterwards. Take little steps to build you confidence until you are comfortable with that and then broaden your horizons.

As for leaving your partner, well thats a difficult descision in anyones mind let alone people like us. I think that if you spend time getting your confidence up and doing small things for yourself and building up to the bigger things that the situation could take care of itself. You might find that you are less dependant on him and you dont need him as much as you think you do and you can gain your independance.

Take care hon
lots of love

19-11-04, 19:29
Hi Dave,

really sorry to hear about your dog. We mailed before on this and I know how worried you were. At least you can take comfort from the fact that you gave her such a happy life.

As for your partner, well I has no idea. I thought you were happy together. Not sure what to advise here, its clearly not an ideal situation. Do you have any CBT/councilling at the moment?

Agoraphobia is difficult and you are relying on your partner to get through life on a day to day basis. I understand that. Are you able to go out if he goes with you?

I realise I have been no help at all here Dave! however, I will be thinking of you and I really hope things start to improve soon.

Take care,

Sue xx


19-11-04, 19:43
Hi Dave,

Your story is very sad and I feel for you so very much.

Sarah is right though. Your partners treatment of you must be contributing to the anxiety and depression.

No one deserves to live in an abusive relationship and although it would be desperately hard for you, you don't have to stay with him.

There IS support out there for you. Is your CPN aware of the situation you are in?

Dave, you get one go at life. You are an important person in your own right. Don't let anyone or anything rob you of your chance of a happy life.

Keep us posted.

Luv Kate xx

19-11-04, 22:10

Time to give you a BIG HUG back I think!!

Hope things will get better soon for you.

Please try to get out still and build on that confidence ok.



19-11-04, 23:29
thank you
xx david