elik
11-08-17, 15:06
I have completely lost who I am - More so, how I should act and to stop analysing and punishing myself for every single thing I do. Its wearing me down to the bone. I'm never happy - not even just ok. I find the anxiety in anything and I try and do the right thing and say the right things all the time to feel like I'm on top of this, but if I even do the tiniest thing that I worry will be misinterpreted I just retreat into myself and think about how messed up and stupid I am. My self hatred has gotten so bad that it's unbearable living within myself. I've had to pull away from my best friend because I had set standards so high for myself in that situation that I was cracking under the immense pressure to be perfect in an intense relationship. I know I'm being ridiculous but my guard has become so high that its even scaring me how I can start breaking it down again before I start losing everyone else around me too :( I just don't want people to see my flaws but 99% of me is so flawed and exposing this is not something I will do and makes me feel so insecure and unworthy.