widge
11-08-17, 16:00
.......I DO check in frequently, and wish I had some wisdom for you all. Sadly, my own lifelong personal demons are only 'mostly' under control and so it goes. Every so often things just come to head and I find myself in a trench.
I have spent my whole life (I am told I have to live with the consequences of of an abusive childhood - alcoholic and violent father..you know how it goes?) but have somehow (unlike my siblings) managed to persue a career as a musician and teacher -with the help and support of my health service, friends, and oft-times you good people here.
The black dog has never gone away however-and rears it's ugly head time and time aGAIN. I try desperately to control it.I take a low level dose of of antidepressant and have diazepam to help the panic attacks etc...
But sometimes I just need to TALK and maybe seek reassurance from peopley who battle the same demons day after day.
A lot of the time I am running on some kind of auto pilot that see's me through my day to day life. Mostly it ticks along...but when I am suddenly faced with what I perceive to be catastrophe I just fall apart. I know this scenario is so familiar to you all?
So on a day (like today) when you commit a 'heinous' ( in my case work-related) abberation I just relapse into uncontrolled panic and self-recrimination. If I said it made me feel suicidal I don't doubt that many of you would know the feeling. You spend every moment you can trying to live the life of 'normal' responsible person depite all the continuous anxiety and self punishing....but STILL...one error recreates all the self-loathing and anxiety you've ever had.
I know I am not alone with this almost daily struggle....and I empathise with all those who suffer the same....so all best to all.
Widge
I have spent my whole life (I am told I have to live with the consequences of of an abusive childhood - alcoholic and violent father..you know how it goes?) but have somehow (unlike my siblings) managed to persue a career as a musician and teacher -with the help and support of my health service, friends, and oft-times you good people here.
The black dog has never gone away however-and rears it's ugly head time and time aGAIN. I try desperately to control it.I take a low level dose of of antidepressant and have diazepam to help the panic attacks etc...
But sometimes I just need to TALK and maybe seek reassurance from peopley who battle the same demons day after day.
A lot of the time I am running on some kind of auto pilot that see's me through my day to day life. Mostly it ticks along...but when I am suddenly faced with what I perceive to be catastrophe I just fall apart. I know this scenario is so familiar to you all?
So on a day (like today) when you commit a 'heinous' ( in my case work-related) abberation I just relapse into uncontrolled panic and self-recrimination. If I said it made me feel suicidal I don't doubt that many of you would know the feeling. You spend every moment you can trying to live the life of 'normal' responsible person depite all the continuous anxiety and self punishing....but STILL...one error recreates all the self-loathing and anxiety you've ever had.
I know I am not alone with this almost daily struggle....and I empathise with all those who suffer the same....so all best to all.
Widge