The Road to Recovery....

[FightingTheBrain]

Hello

After 4 very challenging weeks of convincing myself i'm a sexual monster, I took the plunge and visited my GP. He's put me on a higher dose of citalopram (20mg), and i've also had a call from the NHS therapist this morning who gave me an assessment and determined I have 'obsessional thinking' OCD, and she's scheduling me in for some psychotherapy/CBT.

So the road starts here....the phone call helped a lot, I got a lot off my chest, but hasn't cleared anything in reality, there's still a long way to go, ie lots of questions constantly in my head about why, what if, what if i like these thoughts and that's why they appear, etc etc.

But here's hoping things start to pick up :)

[venusbluejeans]

Hiya FightingTheBrain and welcome to NMP :welcome:

Why not take a look at our articles on our home page, they contain a wealth of information and are a great starting place for your time on the forum.

I hope you find the as site helpful and informative as I have and that you get the help and support you need here and hope that you meet a few friends along the way :yesyes:

[Bigboyuk]

Hi FightingTheBrain and welcome to NMP :) Sorry to hear you are having a bad time of it, Have you been given a date to start therapy etc? Good luck mate. Cheers

[MyNameIsTerry]

Hi and welcome to NMP :welcome:

Were you already on Cit? 20mg is the starting therapeutic dose but they can range it up to 40mg, usually by going to 30mg next.

Sexual themes in OCD are quite common, ther have been tons of posts on the OCD board about them, and it's worth talking about them as you can learn important points about why these thoughts are not reflective of you.

[FightingTheBrain]

Hi and welcome to NMP :welcome:

Were you already on Cit? 20mg is the starting therapeutic dose but they can range it up to 40mg, usually by going to 30mg next.

Sexual themes in OCD are quite common, ther have been tons of posts on the OCD board about them, and it's worth talking about them as you can learn important points about why these thoughts are not reflective of you.

I've been on 10mg for years, occasionally coming off when I feel like I don't need them, then back on them again when everyone told me what an arse I was.

Took the decision to go up to 20mg as i'd been pretty rubbish with constantly checking myself for lumps, but then one night had a sexual dream of the worst variety (rather not say but you can imagine) and woke up convinced I must be turning into a monster, to be shunned by society etc. I convinced myself that it must have been something I wanted to think in my brain, but was holding back from doing and so came out in my dream. Weirdly I had a lot of odd sexual dreams at the time but I didn't give any of them a second thought except this one, which has now dragged on for months. I guess it's because of the severity of it and the public opinion on it, it's the worst thing imaginable.

I've scrutinised every possible thing that's happened in my life, from every time i'd looked at a girl and it was questionable if she was over 18, to thinking that since i've been into other sexual stuff before, i'm probably just a massive pervert and my mind is warping and turning me into a monster.

All can be answered fairly logically, and when my logical, normal brain is active I can bat them away. But right now my anxiety brain is in full flow and they're all just reasons why i'm probably a monster in denial.

Like I said though, i'll work through it. The main thing I think of is 4 months ago none of this was in my head and my life was fairly happy, so I can get back to that.

---------- Post added at 16:16 ---------- Previous post was at 16:15 ----------


Hi FightingTheBrain and welcome to NMP :) Sorry to hear you are having a bad time of it, Have you been given a date to start therapy etc? Good luck mate. Cheers

No date yet mate, been told to expect a call tomorrow, and the wait time is usually 8 weeks. :wacko:

[Bigboyuk]

I've been on 10mg for years, occasionally coming off when I feel like I don't need them, then back on them again when everyone told me what an arse I was.

Took the decision to go up to 20mg as i'd been pretty rubbish with constantly checking myself for lumps, but then one night had a sexual dream of the worst variety (rather not say but you can imagine) and woke up convinced I must be turning into a monster, to be shunned by society etc. I convinced myself that it must have been something I wanted to think in my brain, but was holding back from doing and so came out in my dream. Weirdly I had a lot of odd sexual dreams at the time but I didn't give any of them a second thought except this one, which has now dragged on for months. I guess it's because of the severity of it and the public opinion on it, it's the worst thing imaginable.

I've scrutinised every possible thing that's happened in my life, from every time i'd looked at a girl and it was questionable if she was over 18, to thinking that since i've been into other sexual stuff before, i'm probably just a massive pervert and my mind is warping and turning me into a monster.

All can be answered fairly logically, and when my logical, normal brain is active I can bat them away. But right now my anxiety brain is in full flow and they're all just reasons why i'm probably a monster in denial.

Like I said though, i'll work through it. The main thing I think of is 4 months ago none of this was in my head and my life was fairly happy, so I can get back to that.

---------- Post added at 16:16 ---------- Previous post was at 16:15 ----------



No date yet mate, been told to expect a call tomorrow, and the wait time is usually 8 weeks. :wacko: Guess it varies from post code to post code I have been waiting since March :eek: Think I will now look else where mate :) Good luck Cheers

[FightingTheBrain]

I guess I was stupid enough to believe that the reassurance of a phone call that reassured me I had OCD was good enough to get me through the week.

Instead, I saw an article on Facebook, that set me off, made me think I was as bad as them, started googling things, went into a state of panic and now I’m back at square one.

I guess it’s normal that nothings changed - the tablets won’t have kicked in yet and my CBT doesn’t start for a while.

[Bigboyuk]

I guess I was stupid enough to believe that the reassurance of a phone call that reassured me I had OCD was good enough to get me through the week.

Instead, I saw an article on Facebook, that set me off, made me think I was as bad as them, started googling things, went into a state of panic and now I’m back at square one.

I guess it’s normal that nothings changed - the tablets won’t have kicked in yet and my CBT doesn’t start for a while.I reckon That really hasn't helped you much so far yeah you have had a diagnosis the main down fall is good old Google that's why I have never Googled my condition (mainly depression and OCD) don't even do FaceBook and while it hasn't been a easy ride if I had done those things I too would be back to square one I don't even have Google Search on my Pc (stored as a favourite) The temptation no longer gets to me. On the positive side (and there is always that side too :) )
you have started you meds and CBT is on it's way Keep hold of these close to you mate and you wont go wrong Cheers

[FightingTheBrain]

CBT session booked in for next week. 60 quid a session with a qualified therapist. Phew!