HIV Fear

[Ih8HA]

Hello,

I have a huge fear of HIV. I don't even know why I have this fear or where it even came from.

I have convinced myself that a friend set me up and I sat on a syringe/needle full of HIV blood and have contracted HIV. I have done so many searches on google to see if I would feel a needle go through my jeans and skin be it in the back of my legs, butt or back. A lot of people say yes and then of course there is the handful that say no. So now I am putting myself in the category with people that say no.

I have been trying so hard to rationalize everything and I am fine for 5 minutes before I am back to thinking someone did this to me and I didn't notice. I have had numerous tests, all negative, but then I think "what if it was a recent infection"? Or "What if I tested too early"? I usually test every 2 months with a 4th or 5th gen duo test.

I have tried counseling and medication and neither worked out for me. I don't know what to do. I feel like I am always going to be stuck in this cycle and depressed. I can't even function in life. I don't go anywhere, I don't do anything.

[ShaunRyder]

Hi,

I personally think you would feel if you sat on a needle. What is making you think your friend has set you up?

[Ih8HA]

She is the reason I am so paranoid about it. She is always talking about it, so it stresses me out. Then she acts suspicious (but that could just be me reading too much into it). So now I have it in my head that she is the one setting me up by asking me to hop in her car or go out etc... I have been in her car, but at that time I wasn't thinking about it. Now I am worried there was a needle embedded under the seat cover and I sat on it.

[TattooArtist]

You have to really believe that these elaborate circumstances you think about are irrational. They are.... No amount of treatment or meds will help until you accept once and for all that these things (unknowingly being stuck with a needle, etc) didn't happen. Once you have realized this, you can start to work on the stress and panic associated with the intrusive "what if" thoughts.

[Ih8HA]

TattooArtist:" It's sad because I know. Deep down I know, but my mind stops me from believing it.

[Fishmanpa]

I feel medication and therapy would be worth another shot. Nothing anyone says here is going to help break the cycle you're in. We all see the irrationality, even those caught in their own web of irrationality. Ultimately, it's up to you to take the steps and beat down the dragon.

Good luck and as always....

Positive thoughts

[Ih8HA]

Fishmanpa: Thank You! I am working on it. I promise.

[Fishmanpa]

Fishmanpa: Thank You! I am working on it. I promise.

:yesyes:

Positive thoughts

[Ih8HA]

So, I posted the other day how I thought my friend was setting me up by placing blood filled syringes inside of seats with the needle sticking out so I could sit on them and infect myself. Of course I think I sat on a needle and didn't notice. Anyways, I have been trying to get this thought out of my head because I honestly think she is a great person with a good heart. Plus she is scared of prison, so I don't think she would put herself at risk for getting in serious trouble anyways.

I did so good all day yesterday by not thinking about it and then today she asked me about my upcoming test and said that even her boyfriend asked about it. I get so suspicious every time she asks; and now her man is asking? I feel something isn't right with that. Am I overreacting? Now that she brought that up, I have went back to thinking she did something. I hate this mess.

[nomorepanic]

I have merged your posts together.

[Ih8HA]

Thanks, Nicola!