Depressed over my parents. Please help me..

[Tinker28]

Hi there,

I'm a grown women but still live with my parents. Their marriage has never been perfect far from it. Married over 40 years. My mother is done with it. I live there with my 11 year kid. I hear the fight all the time even try to listen or help in any way. My mom gets mad at me when I do this so I have to stay out of it. I'm very scared and I know my anxiety and depression will be at its worst and high. I'm not in a relationship haven't forever. Especially now I don't believe in happy ever afters. I hate this feeling and don't know what to do, how to be. I feel like my whole world is over and I need help now. Can you please help me?

[Col]

Get out now!! I understand It's not always that easy but this is their relationship not yours- trust me read my posts on my family.... but you must take care of you and your son! Not like you have not tried helping them and where did that get you. Best wishes C

[Tinker28]

Thank you for trying to help. I just don't know how I'm going to cope.

[Pepperpot]

Ah you need to get out of there. It is not a good atmosphere for you, and especially not your son. I know this - I have an 11yr old son and he picks up on everything. You will cope. You will have to cope for your son. I promise you you will be so much better out of that x

[Tinker28]

I'm tired of them and can't help but feel so anxious and so depressed over all of this. No matter what happens I know they are done. And it makes me so sad and so angry and there is t a dame thing I can do about it.

[Tinker28]

Can anyone give me some help in this matter. I got woken up from my mom yelling at my dad cause he didn't let her sleep. He works till 4am in the morning I heard him up at 5am usually he goes right to bed. I'm tired of back and forth fights all the time. I have a very bad sore neck right now. Probably from some stress. Anyone been in a similar situation? Older parents on the verge of divorce here. Can't cope well at all over this.

[Catherine S]

You're in the middle of somebody else's bad relationship and its hard to cope with because it's your parents, but your son must be suffering in that atmosphere as well as you. People are giving you advice here but you're ignoring it. You've posted about this situation before and been given the same advice.

You need to find a way of getting your life back together and get out of your parent's house and let them sort themselves out. If their marriage is over then that's life, as sad as it is it happens. My parents divorced when I was 24 and both remarried so I ended up with a large extended family. Divorce is more common these days because people no longer stay together for the wrong reasons.

Cath S x

[Tinker28]

Thanks Catherine. Yes I've posted before I'm not trying to ignore it I'm just looking for somehow cope with it all better. Here is how I think I'll cope with it. A scale of 1-10 1 being very happy 10 being death. 9 is very sick. My whole life I've only ever been a 1 once. Don't get me wrong I know life can be a lot worse for me a whole lot worse. While dealing with this all I'll be a 8. Very very depressed. I'm looking for ways to better cope. What kinds of things did you go through while your parents D.?

[Catherine S]

I wasn't living with them, I was married with two young children so didn't hear their arguments. I obviously knew they were having problems so although very sad, it wasn't a shock when they split up. My father went back to the town he came from in a different county, and I lived near my mother so I was there if she needed me, but she was ok, she had her job and her friends. I kept in touch with my dad but didn't see him as much after he left. My parents had brought me up, clothed and fed and educated me and seen me leave home and have my own life and family...and their life was theirs to do with as they wanted after that, it wasn't my business.

Can you tell us, as a mother with an 11 yr old son, why this makes you so ill? Is it because your life will change if they separate or divorce? Can you tell us why you can't move out and rent a place of your own away from the situation?

[Tinker28]

I wills in a bit. Just going to get my haircut. Thank you for your support

[Catherine S]

:huh:

[Tinker28]

I'm waiting for my haircut Appointment.

[Fishmanpa]

So you reach out for help, get good advice, then get asked a question and you respond with "I wills in a bit. Just going to get my haircut."?

I guess you have to look good while being depressed :huh:

You're in a toxic environment. The way out is to get out. It's not like anything is going to change on it's own.

Good luck and as always...

Positive thoughts

[Catherine S]

Still there Tinker?

:shrug:

[Tinker28]

Hi yes I'm here.

[Catherine S]

Ok, so can you answer the two questions I asked you earlier...Before you went to the hairdressers? Thanks.

Cath S

[Tinker28]

I know I have to get out of this toxic place and it's hard. I don't do well with anything ever. Ever!!!! I'm upset and can't cope. And... I can't do change at all. I feel I hate my parents. I feel all this pain all at once. I have a brother who doesn't live at home. He has a loving family and isn't affected by this at all. Well he is but handling it well. I'd like all support cause I'm lost

---------- Post added at 21:05 ---------- Previous post was at 21:00 ----------

I'm afraid of change. And I'm a single parent and can't afford to live on my own. I need to deal with this all better. I am not trying to sound like I'm the only one here. I'm not I know this is the only thing that my parents should do now. I get it. I see that. I am trying to stay strong.

---------- Post added at 21:06 ---------- Previous post was at 21:05 ----------

:scared15:I'm afraid of change. And I'm a single parent and can't afford to live on my own. I need to deal with this all better. I am not trying to sound like I'm the only one here. I'm not I know this is the only thing that my parents should do now. I get it. I see that. I am trying to stay strong.

[Catherine S]

But you must realise that without change you'll be stuck in the same stressful situation. You're asking for help and people are trying to do that by suggesting you move out of it, and more importantly moving your son out of it.

There is a saying...If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always got.

I'm not sure how we can help you. Are you asking us to suggest ways of coping with your parents so you can continue living with them? That would be impossible. Not even a therapist would recommend that surely.

[Tinker28]

I'm not sure what I'm asking either. I know. And thank you for helping. My mind is just all over the place and I'm just hurt more then anything. I do need out and right. Ow I'm at my brothers place getting that. This is going to be tough and I know I will survive and my son is taking this really well. Better then I am. That's for sure. I'll be there for him.

[Catherine S]

Sorry, I think some of your explanations coincided with my last reply, but staying with your brother is a step away from being in your parents house, and should ease the stress, but only temporarily I think yes?

I understand about the financial side of things and that this would be the biggest influence on you being stuck with your situation with your parents. However, in UK there is help with paying rent etc...in fact single parents are really well looked after. I don't know how it works in Canada.

But also emotionally you're stuck because it's scary to go it alone. The thing is though, that every time you post asking how you can cope with living with your parents, you'll continue to be advised to get out of it., so nothing changes. Only you can look into making the changes.

Cath x

[Tinker28]

Yes, very good advice. Very good! And my sister in law is helping me with this all too. Dealing or handling this all in my head all at once is overwhelming and I know that is one of my biggest downfall for all things bad in my life that I come across. I know what to do but getting there is going to be the scariest thing ever for me. That is what I think I'm more asking for "help" with in my posts. I know I'm being difficult and my head hurts from my overthinking mind. Lol. Again thank you and to everyone else who has helped.