Afraid to be happy

[scaredgirl86]

I noticed with my anxiety that it is easy to feel bad about myself and compare cause my anxiety makes me feel safe. I try to feel good about myself and work on my anxiety but when I do I'm constantly having thoughts about cancer and worrying about any pain I have is something bad. I'm afraid to be happy cause if I feel happy and work hard and not think about diseases I worry I will get a disease or lose someone I care about cause I'm not having anxiety to protect myself how do I get rid of this

[elysemarie123]

I noticed with my anxiety that it is easy to feel bad about myself and compare cause my anxiety makes me feel safe. I try to feel good about myself and work on my anxiety but when I do I'm constantly having thoughts about cancer and worrying about any pain I have is something bad. I'm afraid to be happy cause if I feel happy and work hard and not think about diseases I worry I will get a disease or lose someone I care about cause I'm not having anxiety to protect myself how do I get rid of this

YES. EXACTLY. I can relate to this so much and would love to know how to get rid of it. Looking back at my parents and grandparents -- they were all worriers too. My Nana was such a naysayer and constantly thought someone was trying to hurt us. My mother has a plethora of fears and I picked up most of them. How do we change the cycle if it's in our DNA?

I've tried therapy twice and didn't have any success. I am on 100 mg Zoloft every day. I'm really not sure what it will take?

[melfish]

I relate to this too. It's almost as though if I allow myself to be happy, I am inviting something bad to happen. I am afraid to let my guard down.

[Fishmanpa]

I've said this before but it seems like this situation equates to being in an abusive co-dependent relationship. You know anxiety is keeping you from being happy yet despite the negativity and abuse you receive from it, you stay as it's a "safe place" and it's what you've come to know and maybe even feel you deserve.

Like an abusive co-dependent relationship, the only way forward is to leave it behind.

Positive thoughts

[breezie]

I relate to this too. It's almost as though if I allow myself to be happy, I am inviting something bad to happen. I am afraid to let my guard down.


Oh gosh this is me exactly. I was married to a man I didn't love, made me miserable and was super unsupportive for 10 years...my HA was awful then. However, during our divorce I was so focused on caring for my kids and fighting for their best interests that I was too busy to worry about my health. Fast forward to finally marrying the love of my life and he's all I've ever wanted...and I'm afraid to enjoy myself. Afraid I'll miss something Or that I'm about to lose everything I've worked so hard for to some awful disease. It's horrible to not allow yourself to love life, especially when we have so much to be grateful for. I always tell myself that once I confirm I don't have said disease of the month, I'll be more thankful. That is until the next dreaded disease hits. :weep:

[br350]

fishmanpa, this is the truth. But far, far easier said than done. I've been through therapy, meds, CBT, all of it. It has helped and it has certianly improved my anxiety from when I was in my 20's (I'm 50 now). But this unconscious concept of 'preventative worrying' runs very deep. It can be overcome but it is a lot of back and forth. One step forward, two steps back, etc. It seems to be almost a survival mechanism of sorts, in a warped way. Instinctual almost. For some the 'preventative worrying' may be easier to overcome than for others. I've worked very hard on that one. It is totally irrational and illogical - we all KNOW that. But the impulse is incredibly strong. Breaking the thought pattern and this instinctual feeling or protecting ourselves - somehow safeguarding by worrying - is a tough one. I've discussed this with multiple therapists. They've had different thoughts and approaches on it. What works for one person may not for another. It's really a journey.