I can't work

[Kitmarie]

This past weekend our puppy was hit by a car. We rushed him to Pet ER hoping to save him. Soon after arriving, we met with the vet who told us she couldn't promise us anything but she was hopeful with treatment he would survive. We were then handed a bill for $1,300 that had to be paid upfront in order to start treatment. It was like we had just been given the choice of trying to save our sweet puppy or pay bills. We chose to save our puppy. As we paid the vet bill, I look over at my little boy and think...how are we going to even afford groceries for him this week.
I felt absolute guilt. Guilt because I haven't been able to return to work since having my son (when my anxiety became severe). Guilt because I know we have no savings because we live off of one income. Guilt because I know we are not prepared for emergencies as such because we need more income. Guilt because I love my son so much and can't always provide for him the way I want to. Guilt because we almost had to let our puppy die so we wouldn't be totally broke for the next week.
I want to work. I have a college education. I want better for my family...they deserve it. I want to contribute. And I never want to feel like we can't handle a financial emergency. But my anxiety. It makes me shut down. I can't focus...barely function sometimes. I hate it. I hate knowing that if I worked, my family would be so much better off. Don't get me wrong...we aren't starving...we are getting by...but I want more. Yet as much as I want more for my family...I can't overcome my anxiety enough to go back to work. I hate sounding so negative but at times like this...I feel like such a loser. My sister has said to me, "put your big girl panties on and find a job". If only it was that easy. What she doesn't understand...sometimes just breathing is a job to me.
I just want to get better.

[Fishmanpa]

Contact your local mentalhealth.gov agency and discuss your situation. There is help available for those with a limited budget. Depending on your location, there are also local groups you can join that would be beneficial as well. If your anxiety is affecting you to the point you cannot work, it needs to be addressed.

Positive thoughts

[MyNameIsTerry]

Kitmarie,

I'm really sorry to hear about your puppy. :hugs:

BUT despite your worries over providing for your family just look at what a great example of a kind human being you are. You have taken a choice to endure hardship, and it was a joint choice with your partner so don't put it all on yourself, to put his/her life before money.

What a great example to set your family. Don't sell yourself short!

Parents want to provide and make a success of their family but success is measured in many ways. If not having all the comforts other kids have means you set up your child with strong moral values that when they are adults they will look back and thank you for, I think that's worth more than material goods.

Whilst as kids we tend to want stuff and get upset if we don't have the toys we want and the trainers with the right badge on them as teenagers, we grow into adults and learn life isn't so simple and that there are more important things than all of that.

As your child gets older you will be able to educate them about mental health. I've spoken to a parent on here who has done this because she feels like you and her lad is a role model in my eyes to others of his age. He doesn't hold anything against her, he has a great relationship with her and has even used his understanding of panic attacks to talk down a girl at his new uni who had one. How proud do you think she is of bringing up such a young man. I'm not a parent but I would be proud as hell of that!

I can't advise on the financial side but I think you need reminding of some positives in yourself that your anxiety is not allowed you to appreciate.

I hope your puppy pulls through. :flowers: