Daughter hearing whispers...guy ghosted me...im in a dark place and scared

[Chrysmar09]

Things were looking better for me but now im back to feeling like im crashing and ill never have a good life. My 12 year old told me that she sometimes hears whispers or it sounds like a bunch of people are talking in her head. Plus she has been dealing with depression for a while now and I could see it. I am blaming myself because she saw me dealing with my depression and anxiety and now its affecting her. I have a schizophrenia fear and im afraid she is showing signs. She doesnt hear people talking to her or saying things to her but just a bunch of voices going at once. I scheduled a appointment with a child counselor monday.

I started seeing a guy a few weeks ago who has now ghosted on me. The last text he sent me was he was thinking of me too...that was Tuesday. Now he isnt responding to my messages at all. We were intimate monday and my anxiety has me thinking he ghosted because he may have hiv or something. My friends think im overthinking. I feel so low and feel like guys just use me then throw me away. I couldn't even go to work today because I had a panic attack at work.yesterday from the worrying about my child and this situation.

My anxiety is through the roof and my depression is bad... I just want this all to go away. Im praying my daughter is ok. I pray I didnt ruin her life with my issues

[snowghost57]

Find a good therapist and learn how to cope with your anxiety. I would put off dating until you can love yourself and be more confident. Go to the therapist with your daughter is a good idea as well. Eat healthy, take walks in the sunshine and fresh air. Take care of yourself and your daughter first.

[Chrysmar09]

Im in therapy already. Me dating was a way for me to put myself out there.

[Catherine S]

I agree with Snowghost on this, if you're in therapy why complicate your emotions with dating...sounds like that's already taking importance because you've told us about his possible 'ghosting' and how that makes you feel. You need to be concentrating on your daughter's mental health and your own right now, not worrying about a man...boyfriends can come later. Just get yourself and your daughter well.

Best wishes
Cath S x x

[Chrysmar09]

I am but it triggered a fear of hiv with him ghosting. I am taking care of my daughter please do not think im blowing her off. That is why we are BOTH going to therapy monday

[Catherine S]

Sorry, reading my reply again it implies you're putting the man before your daughter, and I know you're not doing that, that you're worried about her so I apologise for how I worded my reply.

I guess with the HIV worry, you'll only know for sure if you have the test. But why would you think of this as a first reason for him to ignore you? Jennifer Aniston says "he's not that into you" in one of her movies, and painfull as it may be, do you think it could just be this?

[Chrysmar09]

I am more concerned about my daughter.... Im Scared for her and not sure how to help her

[AntsyVee]

Just because your daughter says she hears things doesn't mean it's necessarily true. I'm guessing that she's "hearing things" for one of two reasons:

1) She saw you scared of schizophrenia, and now she's scared of it too.
2) She saw how much attention you gave to the idea of schizophrenia, and now she's using it as a way to get your attention.

It's just too convenient that she's now "displaying symptoms" right after you got over your schizophrenia funk/scare. I work with kids this age, and I see things like this often. I'm interested to see what the therapist thinks.

[MyNameIsTerry]

Don't kids get confused about their thoughts & how they sound until a parent explains it to them as normal?

[snowghost57]

In order to find the love of your life, you must first love yourself. Also, your daughter is twelve and her hormones are maturing. I remember when I "discovered' the voice in my head, it was my subconscious. I thought i was going crazy, I must have been about 12. We all have the voice in our head and that's normal. Just don't "go'' to therapy, get tools that help you cope with anxiety. It takes work and monitoring your thoughts, change the channel, focus on the now, challenge the validity of your thoughts. I know, as I did it to get rid of my anxiety. There is no quick fix even with medication. Look up Erik Tolle and other self help on the internet. There is a lot out there.

[Chrysmar09]

Ive talked to her ive told her that she is fine and that its probably just her racing thoughts. But I feel like I caused this with my incessant worrying and now I feel like a bad mother

[AntsyVee]

Instead of beating yourself up about (because no one is a perfect parent), use this as a learning experience. Make sure you keep working on your anxiety and keeping yourself healthy.

[Chrysmar09]

Im trying to.... Its hard right now but im trying. I have been trying to keep her distracted and its been working. She really doesnt want to go to counseling but I reassured her that they wont label her "crazy" as she thought

[AntsyVee]

Yeah, I think all kids her age should go to counseling. It's such a tough time in life. I'm sure many of her friends do already. That should make her feel better.

[Chrysmar09]

A few already do. I keep thinking she isnt really hearing voices but just her thoughts going fast or mind chatter. A friend of mine said her son was hospitalized for angry voices that were saying things to him but she said its nothing like that. And even in that instance they said it wasnt full on schizophrenia with her son (he has autism) so I have to remind myself this could all be something simple. And im.hoping she isnt doing this just for attention...

[AntsyVee]

Remember, schizophrenia is EXTREMELY rare. We're talking less that 1% of the population here. And if I remember correctly, no one in your family has ever had it, right?

Even if she is doing this for attention, it would be pretty normal. Kids do whatever they know will get them attention, and they're good at recognizing what gets it, whether it be good or bad.

[Chrysmar09]

My aunt had it and she died in her 60s. No one else had it. But that would be my daughters great aunt. My sister has bipolar disorder. Then my other sister has depression and anxiety. And of course I have GAD and major depression. On her dads side no one had schizophrenia but a lot of drug abuse and violent tendencies with their depression and anxiety. Now as far as my daughter I won't lie I can see her maybe exaggerating things because she can do that. But I also don't want to ignore things. The one thing that has been constant is her mood swings which worried me but even my therapist said with teens that can be normal. The fact that she says it sounds like a bunch of people talking makes me think mind chatter and anxiety/depression. I do notice that when she is around other people like my parents she doesn't have that same "depressive hearing voices" demeanor as when she is around me she will seem like she is "spacing out" or say things like I hope I'm not scaring you when she is telling me about her "voices". I never freak put or show fear when I'm around her.. Only when I'm alone do I break down and worry about her... But what you brought up about the attention isn't too far fetched

[AntsyVee]

Yeah, and hey, she may have some depression and some anxiety, since so many people in your family have it, but you can't really diagnose for sure until puberty is completed in most cases.

[Chrysmar09]

With her being 12 its so hard to know what is normal and what is something I should worry about. Plus hearing voices, from what I am learning, isn't just in schizophrenia. It can be benign or it can be in depression. Seeing how its not a certain voice but more like a crowd it could be anxiety or stress related
I will update once we go to therapy.

As for me, I really need to learn how to not fall apart at every adversity in my life

[MyNameIsTerry]

There are lots of reasons for hearing voices, I think I posted a link to MIND in one of your other threads that explained it?

Before opting for treatment, why not ask a doctor to assess whether it's needed?

And it could also be a case that you are making irrational links too because of your own issues e.g. It could be minor in your daughter's mind but your anxiety persuades you it's a bigger issue than it is.

[Chrysmar09]

There are lots of reasons for hearing voices, I think I posted a link to MIND in one of your other threads that explained it?

Before opting for treatment, why not ask a doctor to assess whether it's needed?

And it could also be a case that you are making irrational links too because of your own issues e.g. It could be minor in your daughter's mind but your anxiety persuades you it's a bigger issue than it is.


I think the thought of her being schizophrenic is my fear....but she said its been going on for about a month. She started school a few weeks ago and says it happens in school sometimes. And she says it can get loud at times like yelling. But I am trying not to put my issues on her... That's when I feel like I'm failing as a parent that maybe she is mirroring my issues. But even she said she knows its not schizophrenia because she has watched some docs on it (she is into stuff like that)

[Chrysmar09]

just came back from my daughters first meeting with her counselor she was super friendly. she said that as of now the voices aren't telling her to do stuff or articulating to her and outside of some depression she is fine. They wouldn't diagnose her schizophrenic unless it was a last resort after seeing her a few times and they don't diagnose that until after 14 years of age. they said it could be part of the depression and may go away once the underlying depression is addressed. she said she is amazing and bright and I shouldn't be scared or worried