Lakme
26-08-17, 12:21
Here again.
I came back to discuss some recent events.
I've talked to both my dad and my boss about my schizophrenia fears and they both said that my mom lost her mind because she did meth? (Which could be true? I guess?)
But I had a terrible time today.
We have a doorbell kinda sound that plays whenever somebody enters the store and while I was at work I heard it go off and when I looked nobody was coming inside of the store.
I immediately panicked and ran outside to check if a customer had just gone back to their car because they had forgotten their wallet and immediately realized that there was nobody around. I thought "This is it. This is the end. I'm losing it."
After this happened customers told me that I looked like I had a rough day and they couldn't be more right.
I talked to my boss about it and I told him that I was ruminating over going insane again and he said that the door ringer was super sensitive and that I wasn't going to lose my mind like my mom because "schizophrenia isn't genetic" and I don't do drugs.
Then, later I heard the damn sound again while I was cleaning sugar off of the floor and lo and behold when I look behind me, there is somebody there but he's by his car! So I'm not sure if he went back to his car to get his kid but it sent me spiraling again.
And a few minutes ago when I playing my video games and simultaneously trying out poetry as a relaxation technique, I heard the same damn sound again for a split second, and I'm at my house.
I also heard what sounded like someone whistling as a car was driving down the road. That also scared the hell out of me
This all started when I read a vice article about this guy who was going psychotic hearing phones ringing in his warehouse.
I started to get paranoid about my phone ringing and hearing it for a split second.
None of this happened to me when I thought I had celiac Disease or any of the other things like cancer so it makes me wonder if I'm just rabidly misinterpreting external stimuli.
I did have tunnel vision and a lot of psychosomatic symptoms that went away as soon as I felt ridiculous enough after being examined in MANY different ways by doctors to make sure I wasn't dying.
We usually have the radio or the TV on all the time inside of the store and I've become obsesssed with every little sound that seems out of place.
The last couple of weeks I've had to explain to a couple of people that the reason I looked like death all the time was because I think I'm dealing with OCD and that I was scared of ending up like my mother and not being able to achieve my dreams or and losing my creativity or ending up homeless or any of the other vile things that happen in those illnesses.
I came back to discuss some recent events.
I've talked to both my dad and my boss about my schizophrenia fears and they both said that my mom lost her mind because she did meth? (Which could be true? I guess?)
But I had a terrible time today.
We have a doorbell kinda sound that plays whenever somebody enters the store and while I was at work I heard it go off and when I looked nobody was coming inside of the store.
I immediately panicked and ran outside to check if a customer had just gone back to their car because they had forgotten their wallet and immediately realized that there was nobody around. I thought "This is it. This is the end. I'm losing it."
After this happened customers told me that I looked like I had a rough day and they couldn't be more right.
I talked to my boss about it and I told him that I was ruminating over going insane again and he said that the door ringer was super sensitive and that I wasn't going to lose my mind like my mom because "schizophrenia isn't genetic" and I don't do drugs.
Then, later I heard the damn sound again while I was cleaning sugar off of the floor and lo and behold when I look behind me, there is somebody there but he's by his car! So I'm not sure if he went back to his car to get his kid but it sent me spiraling again.
And a few minutes ago when I playing my video games and simultaneously trying out poetry as a relaxation technique, I heard the same damn sound again for a split second, and I'm at my house.
I also heard what sounded like someone whistling as a car was driving down the road. That also scared the hell out of me
This all started when I read a vice article about this guy who was going psychotic hearing phones ringing in his warehouse.
I started to get paranoid about my phone ringing and hearing it for a split second.
None of this happened to me when I thought I had celiac Disease or any of the other things like cancer so it makes me wonder if I'm just rabidly misinterpreting external stimuli.
I did have tunnel vision and a lot of psychosomatic symptoms that went away as soon as I felt ridiculous enough after being examined in MANY different ways by doctors to make sure I wasn't dying.
We usually have the radio or the TV on all the time inside of the store and I've become obsesssed with every little sound that seems out of place.
The last couple of weeks I've had to explain to a couple of people that the reason I looked like death all the time was because I think I'm dealing with OCD and that I was scared of ending up like my mother and not being able to achieve my dreams or and losing my creativity or ending up homeless or any of the other vile things that happen in those illnesses.