View Full Version : SOme Advice Need Please
HI Folks I have a bit of a problem that I need some advice on: I now have a new hm who is also a dog owner and we get on ok apart from the drink he says he doesn't have a problem (he is obviously in denial ) he says he has to drink more before he can stop then it's not long after stopping he is drinking again tell tail signs and to me having a gambling addiction which I still have under control :yesyes: I can see the signs and there is no logic in what he says I was in denial my self years ago but never said or thought well I need to gamble more before I can stop this is not true I have suggested AA meetings, but he just says no he can deal with it him self, well wrong he cant a excert from the AA big book say we are powerless and we seek devine intervention from God (as we understand him) this is so true he is never violent or nasty which is a blessing I guess but don't like being with him when he is drunk 5 litres of cider 3 nights ago :eek: :eek: He clearly has a problem. Thanks for reading Comments welcome Cheers
You have come such a long way BBoy that it must be hard not to compare others by your own progress and standards. I don't think you judge because you say you've been there yourself but I do think you're the right person to give a friend a kick up the butt to get them into gear and make some positive changes to their life. I get feeling you're on right track with this person and your legendary persistence will either kill or cure the friendship lol.
You have come such a long way BBoy that it must be hard not to compare others by your own progress and standards. I don't think you judge because you say you've been there yourself but I do think you're the right person to give a friend a kick up the butt to get them into gear and make some positive changes to their life. I get feeling you're on right track with this person and your legendary persistence will either kill or cure the friendship lol. Absolutely KK with out a doubt and I cant go back wards and don't want to do either. It's murder sometimes with this person he is still in bed now as I type:huh: Yeah I do keep trying, but I am not putting all my energy in to this as I don't want to drain my self in the process have to look after me too mate :) Thanks for your comments it's appreciated Cheers
I agree re "draining" energy. Negativity has a habit of overpowering even the most positive and motivated person if you invest too much energy. You can only say things a number of times before it becomes nagging and criticism, which in itself is negative. So you get on with it.... If he CBA to take the dogs out for a walk with you then so be it - you go alone and perhaps he will get the message.
I don't want to drain my self in the process have to look afrer me
Hi Dave That is the key right there you have to seek happiness for yourself what's the point in trying to appease others when you are sad and miserable on the inside yourself it quickly becomes a slippery slope. Just like any addiction the drive and motivation has to come from the person suffering with that addiction nobody else can do it for them.
I agree re "draining" energy. Negativity has a habit of overpowering even the most positive and motivated person if you invest too much energy. You can only say things a number of times before it becomes nagging and criticism, which in itself is negative. So you get on with it.... If he CBA to take the dogs out for a walk with you then so be it - you go alone and perhaps he will get the message.Exactly and yeah I went out on my own this afternoon with my dog :) I cant allow him to get me down I don't want another relapse was in a bad way thanks :) Cheers
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Hi Dave That is the key right there you have to seek happiness for yourself what's the point in trying to appease others when you are sad and miserable on the inside yourself it quickly becomes a slippery slope. Just like any addiction the drive and motivation has to come from the person suffering with that addiction nobody else can do it for them.
Hi Saf You are right I am holding my head high and keep going Cheers
ServerError
28-08-17, 17:03
Just wondering, do you own the house and have taken this guy on as a tennent? Or has a landlord foisted him on you?
I'm a sensitive soul and believe in helping people, so I'd say to persevere with him if you think you can. But if it's your home and you feel he could jeopardise your progress or you just don't feel comfortable with him, and he shows no willingness to change, there'd come a point where I'd be asking him to leave. Your own health and security has to be the priority, and there are plenty of fantastic housemates out there.
Just wondering, do you own the house and have taken this guy on as a tennent? Or has a landlord foisted him on you?
I'm a sensitive soul and believe in helping people, so I'd say to persevere with him if you think you can. But if it's your home and you feel he could jeopardise your progress or you just don't feel comfortable with him, and he shows no willingness to change, there'd come a point where I'd be asking him to leave. Your own health and security has to be the priority, and there are plenty of fantastic housemates out there.Hey that's fine SeverError (love that un mate )Yeah it's my own house and no a landlord didn't foster him on to me he's a dog owner too so thought it would be good now I aint sure he found a bottle of whisky which was given to me on a cleaning contract as a gift for all the good work I had done. any way he said can I have it (well 6 months ago I probably would have said yes for xyz reasons) But as Iam stronger I said No it was gift and I aint feeding your habit any way long short of it he kept on and on and I will replace it and all that ******** so I did give in eventually but nah you are right
if he carrys on he will have to go rent due again very soon and there will be no freebies Hey thanks ServerError Cheers
Hi Dave, Make sure you get your rent money.
I am glad you are stronger now. I love your white staffy bull, we looked after my daughters when she was ill. He was black, and such a good dog.
All the best:hugs:
Hi Dave, Make sure you get your rent money.
I am glad you are stronger now. I love your white staffy bull, we looked after my daughters when she was ill. He was black, and such a good dog.
All the best:hugs: Hi Magic will do :) And thanks appreciate it!
No Sorry to disapoint you my staffy is brindle with a white chest Lol not sure where a white staffy came in. Yes they are great dogs totally but they need a firm but fair upbringing and definite clear boundaries think often they are misunderstood wrongly so IMHO Thanks Magic Cheers
You're not responsible for your housemate's drink issues and are in control as to whether he continues to live under your roof or not. All you can do is give him advice based on your experience-it's up to him whether he chooses to take it or not. Make sure you get your rent money before he spends it on booze?
You're not responsible for your housemate's drink issues and are in control as to whether he continues to live under your roof or not. All you can do is give him advice based on your experience-it's up to him whether he chooses to take it or not. Make sure you get your rent money before he spends it on booze?Sure but if it makes my recovery worse or what ever guess there is no other option. I will do my best and thanks :) Cheers
While Iam greatful for everyones replies no one has asked on this thread if Iam ok or have I kicked him out etc so a bit disappointed in that respect and just because I have been posting in other threads doesn't mean everything is ok either. Sorry for the rant folks
I'm sorry you feel this way but I think maybe your expectations of forum members are a bit high here. Can you tell us what has happened to make you feel bad?
Its just like when you look at old threads years ago I have seen many members checking in on members to see how they are so really whats up set me is that no one has asked how its been going etc so expectations from me might be high I have supported a lot of members on here not just taken a back seat so any way going to rest up now cheers
Its just like when you look at old threads years ago I have seen many members checking in on members to see how they are so really whats up set me is that no one has asked how its been going etc so expectations from me might be high I have supported a lot of members on here not just taken a back seat so any way going to rest up now cheers
You're a victim of your own success BBoy! You keep starting interesting threads and diverting our attention :shades:
Sorry you feel this way though. I think people genuinely thought you would update this thread if there was a change in situation or if you wanted advice again. You do post for others (as we do too) and no one would deliberately begrudge you their support.
So are things still the same with your tenant and the problems you were experiencing?
Catherine S
21-09-17, 23:25
That's a bit unfair Dave. You get lots of support on all of your threads, and I think it's normal for the OP to update us...it's very difficult to keep track of older threads, once a thread disappears people forget about it and that's normal, its certainly not a sign that we don't care. You have to bump them yourself to remind us.
So how is the housemate situation then?
Cath ☺
Any way folks sorry just in a bad place right now. Yes he has left so one would expect a sigh of relief, but now Iam on my own again so a big void is now here does this make any sense to any one? Had to have a unpaid day off work my area manager ( new one ) is so understanding as she also suffers from depression too so can relate. Thanks for reading.
Catherine S
22-09-17, 11:59
Well at least this time you have a much more understanding boss so that's something, and means at least your working life might improve as a result. As for the housemate...it was never going to work, and sometimes no housemate is better than a bad housemate. Keep your chin up and keep advertising and the right person will come along i'm sure.
You also have your walking friends, so that's a positive too :)
Cath x
Any way folks sorry just in a bad place right now. Yes he has left so one would expect a sigh of relief, but now Iam on my own again so a big void is now here does this make any sense to any one? Had to have a unpaid day off work my area manager ( new one ) is so understanding as she also suffers from depression too so can relate. Thanks for reading.
Even if someone is disruptive and problematic, you get used to having them around, so can understand the sense of emptiness and "void" you feel right now. Better for you in long-run though, Dave, and it's now just a question of finding a better house-mate, which I'm sure you will.
So forwards, Cmrd BBoy....and cheers :D
NEXT!
Carrie8484
22-09-17, 20:15
Hi Dave. I don't post much here these days but I wanted to say I'm glad your housemate has moved out, he was clearly not good for you, your environment and your mental health. and I really do believe in the long term you will be glad this happened.
The next step is to get another housemate if you are feeling so lonely. Personally I liked living on my own but then I'm an introvert although I often got lonely, I preferred the no drama of living solo!. Can you 'vet' any potential new housemates and don't accept the first person who applies? Maybe it's best to see who else is out there and don't feel out off by his experience. Clearly state that any new housemate must not have a dependency on drink or drugs, maybe write a clause in a contract about this? Rent to be paid on time etc. Good luck
Even if someone is disruptive and problematic, you get used to having them around, so can understand the sense of emptiness and "void" you feel right now. Better for you in long-run though, Dave, and it's now just a question of finding a better house-mate, which I'm sure you will.
So forwards, Cmrd BBoy....and cheers :D
NEXT!Yeah so true you do get used to it but boy it was bringing me down absolutely KK for now I am going solo need to re charge my drained batteries :roflmao:Thank you for your kind words KK hey lol this isn't the complaints box thread haha Cheers
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Hi Dave. I don't post much here these days but I wanted to say I'm glad your housemate has moved out, he was clearly not good for you, your environment and your mental health. and I really do believe in the long term you will be glad this happened.
The next step is to get another housemate if you are feeling so lonely. Personally I liked living on my own but then I'm an introvert although I often got lonely, I preferred the no drama of living solo!. Can you 'vet' any potential new housemates and don't accept the first person who applies? Maybe it's best to see who else is out there and don't feel out off by his experience. Clearly state that any new housemate must not have a dependency on drink or drugs, maybe write a clause in a contract about this? Rent to be paid on time etc. Good luck Hi Carrie hope you are ok wondered where you have got to :) I was so low it was horrible never want to go through that again I am glad its happened in many respects at least now I can do what I want when I want:yesyes: Yes have taken what you say on board, for now its just me and my dawg:D Cheers
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