MissB85
28-08-17, 16:23
My whole life I have never been normal, from what I can remember I don't ever feel like I fit in. A point was at the the age of 10 I witnessed a stabbing in my own home, I guess it's from there that I remember taking note of how I was feeling.
As a child I was referred to a family centre for counselling which I attended once a week, then I remember it just dropping off.
I was bullied at school as I was a loner, I struggled to maintain relationships with my peers if able to build them in the first place.
I struggled with anger management and would lash out and lose my temper, even at that age I wanted to die. I was suspended, used to skive off and drank.
I left school and got a job, I did well but at times remembering that I didn't want to be there and wanted to be home doing nothing. Other days I'd be full of motivation.
I've been in and out of work since then, unable to secure long term contracts and then caring for my late mother as well as battling depression/anxiety.
In that time I did some voluntary work with my local stables which helped a lot.
Then just over 2 years ago I finally got given a break, part time hours as a receptionist, it was only seasonal but it was a chance. I loved it but was still filled with feelings of dread and not wanting to get up to go to work but at the same time feeling motivated.
Towards the end of the season I secured my current job and I have been there almost 2 years, due to pressure I was put back on medication and struggled with time off until a year ago when I managed to get control of things.
In January changes started happening with the organisation and in May it all started getting hectic and pressurised, although I do well with my duties I wa s struggling with the ups and downs, sudden changes. So I had a period of time of reduced hours and improved for a while until mid July.
I was having problems with a close relative and my mental health so I wanted to take holiday to sort these things out. They can be difficult approving holiday so I lied about the real reason, I said another family member was seriously ill and later died to the point where I started to believe it all myself.
I came clean on Friday after having a mental breakdown over the lie and realising what I had done. Therefore there will now be an investigation with the possibility I'll lose my job. I will be seeking legal advice about my best options as I don't feel I want to stay there at this point.
I have in the past made up false stories to make myself feel better but never this serious before.
I suffer with bad IBS which affects my day to day life.
If I form relationships they can be very intense but also not wanting to see anyone, these often break down badly and I flip out.
I go though stages of spending money I don't have and getting into debt.
I swing from over eating to not eating, since Friday I have had a dry bread roll, 2 cornettos and a burger. I just feel constantly sick and dizzy.
I am always tired, but then end up waking up in the night not being able to sleep.
I no longer drink, never used drugs and I am currently on citalopram 40mg a day with diazepam if needed.
Is this normal for mixed anxiety and depression? Or should I push for a referral to a psychiatrist?
I'm 32 and this is ruining my life, I am going to end up homeless or dead if I don't get it sorted.
As a child I was referred to a family centre for counselling which I attended once a week, then I remember it just dropping off.
I was bullied at school as I was a loner, I struggled to maintain relationships with my peers if able to build them in the first place.
I struggled with anger management and would lash out and lose my temper, even at that age I wanted to die. I was suspended, used to skive off and drank.
I left school and got a job, I did well but at times remembering that I didn't want to be there and wanted to be home doing nothing. Other days I'd be full of motivation.
I've been in and out of work since then, unable to secure long term contracts and then caring for my late mother as well as battling depression/anxiety.
In that time I did some voluntary work with my local stables which helped a lot.
Then just over 2 years ago I finally got given a break, part time hours as a receptionist, it was only seasonal but it was a chance. I loved it but was still filled with feelings of dread and not wanting to get up to go to work but at the same time feeling motivated.
Towards the end of the season I secured my current job and I have been there almost 2 years, due to pressure I was put back on medication and struggled with time off until a year ago when I managed to get control of things.
In January changes started happening with the organisation and in May it all started getting hectic and pressurised, although I do well with my duties I wa s struggling with the ups and downs, sudden changes. So I had a period of time of reduced hours and improved for a while until mid July.
I was having problems with a close relative and my mental health so I wanted to take holiday to sort these things out. They can be difficult approving holiday so I lied about the real reason, I said another family member was seriously ill and later died to the point where I started to believe it all myself.
I came clean on Friday after having a mental breakdown over the lie and realising what I had done. Therefore there will now be an investigation with the possibility I'll lose my job. I will be seeking legal advice about my best options as I don't feel I want to stay there at this point.
I have in the past made up false stories to make myself feel better but never this serious before.
I suffer with bad IBS which affects my day to day life.
If I form relationships they can be very intense but also not wanting to see anyone, these often break down badly and I flip out.
I go though stages of spending money I don't have and getting into debt.
I swing from over eating to not eating, since Friday I have had a dry bread roll, 2 cornettos and a burger. I just feel constantly sick and dizzy.
I am always tired, but then end up waking up in the night not being able to sleep.
I no longer drink, never used drugs and I am currently on citalopram 40mg a day with diazepam if needed.
Is this normal for mixed anxiety and depression? Or should I push for a referral to a psychiatrist?
I'm 32 and this is ruining my life, I am going to end up homeless or dead if I don't get it sorted.