Existential panic

[candidate]

For about a month now, thoughts about reality, perception, and the "mystery" of life have been really upsetting me. It sounds silly I know, but given my OCD, I've been really obsessing over these things.

I guess it started when I read up on the philosophy of solipsism, which is an idea that only your (my) mind exists, and everything is an illusion. Ludicrous, but it can't be refuted (or proved as well I guess).

So that led me to question things like reality, life, the universe, etc. What's it all about?

Examples of thoughts that are driving me crazy:

What exactly is reality? How do I know if something is real? How do I know if my memories are real? What's outside the universe? Why am I here? How do I know *anything?* What if everything around me is an illusion and no one exists but me?

Pretty disturbing questions. I've never felt this horrible in my life; questioning my sanity, my very existence.

How can I ever find comfort in anything if these things are bothering me?

Has anyone else ever been through an existential crisis like this?

[Phill2]

Hi
I went through the same thing in my teens. I can't remember how I got past it but I did.
Phill :shades:

[Dieselj28]

I can totally relate to your thoughts right now. I've had similar thoughts lately because I'm experiencing bad de-realization/de-personalization and my friend is also going through existiantal conspiracy thoughts. Its obvious that you realize deep down that these thoughts are untrue (otherwise why would you be complaining about them on an anxiety website) so just keep telling yourself that there is no way these can thoughts can be rational. Whenever you have the thoughts just tell yourself that or just try your best to focus on something else.

My friend is getting over pretty well by doing this and I hope it helps you.

[Magpie]

I used to struggle with this type of thing, and the more I tried to convince myself it was ludicrous the worse it got because there are so many dots in what we know about reality and perception that can't be joined. So I decided to stop trying to join the dots.

I now consider myself completely agnostic as far as 'reality' goes; I believe there is not one 'reality' but that someone's own perception of 'reality' is governed by their own cultural background, beliefs and experiences. I agree that it is important to have a consensual reality under which we (society) can create social norms that make it easier to live side by side, but that doesn't mean I will subscribe to all of the commonly held beliefs about what is and is not 'real'. It doesn't really matter whether I (or anyone else) exist, I perceive the situation I'm in and try to mentally survive it because that's all I can do.

I'm quite comfortable with this way of thinking, it has brought me a lot of peace. I suffer DR/DP to varying degrees and it's not so scary when you decide not to care how much of it is what other people might call 'real'.

As for scary sensations and situations, it is a challenge to cope with these without relying on concepts of 'real' or 'not real' so I ask myself how likely it is that I'm in any physical danger. Works for me.

[jakob]

There's a Buddhist story about someone shot with a poison arrow which must be removed at once or he will die. But rather than let his friends remove it, he wants to first know 'what was the colour of the hair of the person who shot it?', 'were they short or tall?', 'what wood was the bow made of?'.

The point being, we can get lost in existential angst but ultimataly it doesn't help. The key thing is to address what is causing us to suffer now, in your case that is panic.

Jakob

(I know this advice is rubbish because it is very easy to say and very hard to do... but that didn't stop me :) ).

[W.I.F.T.S.]

Tell me about it! I've suffered really bad depersonalisation and had all sorts of thoughts such as "what am I made out of?" and "what if we're all just on a conveyor belt towards death?".

If you read Claire Weekes, she would say that this anxiety is caused by "internalising" our thoughts and that what we need to do to remedy the situation is to "externalise" them by going out into the world and interacting with it, taking positive action. When you have goals you become a much more optimistic person and questions such as "what's out there in the universe?" have much less significance. You'll never know the answer to that question, so it's best to turn your attention to something more tangible and accept that there are vast unknowns in life.

I was actually reading an article about GAD before and it says that sufferers have much more trouble accepting the unknown than people without the illness. I can certainly relate to that.

[trumpet]

There's some really good advice here. I can't offer anymore, I'm afraid, but I just thought I’d write to say I can really relate.

Existential anxiety is a problem I've had for several years now. I used to be a militant church-goer happy to accept the philosophical realism of the Middle Ages. But since thinking about these matters more honestly and at an academic level, I can no longer attend church or believe as I used to.

Nowadays I tend to describe myself not as a theist, atheist, agnostic or anything like that, just as 'confused'. I think I tend to fall into the radical sceptic side of the fence. I don't even know if I'm writing this at the moment, but then again maybe that's a self-refuting statement, but maybe it's not, maybe 'writing' and ‘knowing’ don’t even exist etc. etc.

Anyhow, I know exactly what you're going through and just thought I'd let you know you are not alone. I can't tell you how many sleepless nights I've had over the last few years thinking about these things. I guess it might be a good idea to put the intrigue to good use and study philosophy more. It’s something I’ve been meaning to do for a while, but I do find it a mentally fatiguing subject.

[mico]

I was actually reading an article about GAD before and it says that sufferers have much more trouble accepting the unknown than people without the illness. I can certainly relate to that.

Nice post W. I just felt like elaborating on this. I've just refered someone to my signature, but I'm going to do it again, because I like it that much :yesyes:

People who experience a high state of general anxiety harbour a lot of fears. In order to deal with these fears we make attempts to control them, but by doing so we often find ourselves in a worse state than what we began in. To accept the unknown is to accept that you have no control over it. Answers, for many of us, are a form of control, and when we don't hold these answers we feel fearful. It's important to accept that what is, and what will be, will be.

I relate to the original poster a lot. You can ask people who know me on here and they will no doubt tell you about my constant questioning of everything. It's something I've always done from as far back as I remember. In fact, this is actually very similar to the post I just made in the Is this OCD? (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=20739) topic. Over recent years I've began to question my existence less having realised that I've never really founf answers. I have found them, it's just that they always lead to new questions. It's a never ending story.

Instead, I now just question my sanity by constantly pondering over my thoughts and behaviours and asking myself 'Who am I, really?' The classic mid-life crisis scenario, and I haven't even reached 30 yet :shrug:

[empi]

Oh the story of my life!

I can still remember being 7 years old, experiencing the first moment of existential angst (strong one). I've always had an existential questioning in my life, always and for everything. That's maybe because I had GAD or is it the other way around? Who knows, the thing is that I have come to the conclusion that questioning life is not worth it, but living life and never think about it!

Life is so important to take it seriously. :D

Try not to think about existential stuff when you are anxious because you only going to make it worse, clear your mind and focus on the now, not on the when how and why. At least that's what works for me.