Lucy808
02-09-17, 00:07
Hello. My name is lucy and I am freshly 18 years old. I am going to try to briefly write about my anxiety.
I always have had some mental problems. When I was a little child, i would not poop for 3 weeks. I just did not developed the reflex. When I was born, my intestine popped and I had to get surgery. Doctors said its nothing to be worried about, they also fixed it quite fast. That might be the root of the issue. But only might. I always pushed the poop back inside when it wanted to leave. This got fixed when I hit puberty and I realized "hey.. this is wrong!". Everybody thought i have got some kind of illness but i did not. It was probably just my mind. This issue got resolved when I was like 11. After this thing stopped, I developed another problem. My heart would burn and race for no reason all the time. I, again, got all the tests done. Nothing wrong whatsoever. This issue, again, went away after time. My doctor recommended psychologist visit. I did not do that tho. After that, a few years later, i was like, 15, when i found out i have got a bump inside my vagina. As you can inagine, panic began. I did this big mistake, i googled what are syptoms of cancer, and here we go. I had all symptoms. Backpain, shooting pains.. everything. Until I realized its just cervix. Sounds funny but definitely was not, being in pain and fear for half a year. Half a year I lost.
But now im losing another one. I started having these pains in my stomach. It happened during prom in the end of january. Little bit of a stressful situation you know. I started feeling it. The bloating, pressure, burning, stomach on water.. i remember having to sit down and i could not drink at all. The night ended, i was kind of okay.. until a week later. I woke up in the middle of the night. Really sick. Couldnt walk, diarrhea, nausea, vomited some white chunks of something for like 10 hours.. than, I was left with the weird pressure and burning in the stomach. I am mortified. Since then, I experienced every symptom on earth. Fatigue, nausea everyday, cramps, bloating, burning, hurting.. everything. Everyday. Today, it might be the worst day. I woke up with soreness in my stomach, couldnt even stand up because it hurts so much. I burp like crazy, i had an urge to vomit.. i started crying and shaking uncontrolably. I couldnt stop crying. My poor parents wanted to call an ambulance and sent me to hospital.
Im so scared. So so scared. I think i have got cancer or something terrible. I have had three blood tests for literally everything, sonography, urine test.. everything negative. My doctor told me just yesterday there is nothing to be worried about and she thinks it just my mind. I cant sleep. I dont sleep because im afraid i will wake up vomiting and rushing to the hospital. Im so afraid im going to hurt my parents by getting seriously ill. I dont want them to get hurt. I am thinking about suicide but couldnt do it because of my parents. I dont want to die but i dont want to live. I have cancer. Thats it. It hurts even now.
Can i help myself? Can it be just in my mind? Can it be something serious? It would really help me to explain to me, medically, why it could not be cancer. I am going crazy. So crazy. Im tired of crying and pain. I cant even study and this year im graduating high school and joining college. What can I do? Please im desperarw
I always have had some mental problems. When I was a little child, i would not poop for 3 weeks. I just did not developed the reflex. When I was born, my intestine popped and I had to get surgery. Doctors said its nothing to be worried about, they also fixed it quite fast. That might be the root of the issue. But only might. I always pushed the poop back inside when it wanted to leave. This got fixed when I hit puberty and I realized "hey.. this is wrong!". Everybody thought i have got some kind of illness but i did not. It was probably just my mind. This issue got resolved when I was like 11. After this thing stopped, I developed another problem. My heart would burn and race for no reason all the time. I, again, got all the tests done. Nothing wrong whatsoever. This issue, again, went away after time. My doctor recommended psychologist visit. I did not do that tho. After that, a few years later, i was like, 15, when i found out i have got a bump inside my vagina. As you can inagine, panic began. I did this big mistake, i googled what are syptoms of cancer, and here we go. I had all symptoms. Backpain, shooting pains.. everything. Until I realized its just cervix. Sounds funny but definitely was not, being in pain and fear for half a year. Half a year I lost.
But now im losing another one. I started having these pains in my stomach. It happened during prom in the end of january. Little bit of a stressful situation you know. I started feeling it. The bloating, pressure, burning, stomach on water.. i remember having to sit down and i could not drink at all. The night ended, i was kind of okay.. until a week later. I woke up in the middle of the night. Really sick. Couldnt walk, diarrhea, nausea, vomited some white chunks of something for like 10 hours.. than, I was left with the weird pressure and burning in the stomach. I am mortified. Since then, I experienced every symptom on earth. Fatigue, nausea everyday, cramps, bloating, burning, hurting.. everything. Everyday. Today, it might be the worst day. I woke up with soreness in my stomach, couldnt even stand up because it hurts so much. I burp like crazy, i had an urge to vomit.. i started crying and shaking uncontrolably. I couldnt stop crying. My poor parents wanted to call an ambulance and sent me to hospital.
Im so scared. So so scared. I think i have got cancer or something terrible. I have had three blood tests for literally everything, sonography, urine test.. everything negative. My doctor told me just yesterday there is nothing to be worried about and she thinks it just my mind. I cant sleep. I dont sleep because im afraid i will wake up vomiting and rushing to the hospital. Im so afraid im going to hurt my parents by getting seriously ill. I dont want them to get hurt. I am thinking about suicide but couldnt do it because of my parents. I dont want to die but i dont want to live. I have cancer. Thats it. It hurts even now.
Can i help myself? Can it be just in my mind? Can it be something serious? It would really help me to explain to me, medically, why it could not be cancer. I am going crazy. So crazy. Im tired of crying and pain. I cant even study and this year im graduating high school and joining college. What can I do? Please im desperarw