PDA

View Full Version : Horrible relationship anxiety- can't eat :(



youdontknowme
02-09-17, 15:34
Hey, all. I haven't been on here in forever because I was doing so well that I'd all but forgotten about my anxiety issues.
But I've had a pretty difficult relapse in recent times. Lately it's all been centering on my relationship, which I've been in for almost a year. We both travel a lot. He drives a semi truck for a living. Sometimes I travel with him in the truck, other times I do my own thing. Right now I am away from him, searching for a job so I can get a vehicle of my own again and travel in that like I used to.
I've been in several abusive relationships, and was alone for several years before we got together. It took a lot for me to open up to a new person. I was so scared he would hurt me. But he's been wonderful. The problem is that my anxiety has a pretty big strangehold on me about just exactly that; he's wonderful. I don't want to lose him.
The tiniest thing sets me off worrying that he is going to leave me. I.e. I called him last night around ten. Now it's almost 8 AM and I haven't heard back from him. He was probably asleep or driving where he didn't have service, but my anxiety is really crucifying me about it.
"He's going to leave you. He found someone better. He got into a crash and died. He's ghosting you."
Not only are these thoughts pretty irrational, but I also need to realize that even if he DID leave me, I would be okay.
I've almost had several panic attacks this past week, and it's been so, so long since I've had one. The worst part is that my appetite has taken a nose dive. I spent the past hour choking down some carrots and sunflower seeds. Yesterday I only ate 600 calories. I've lost a few pounds, and I am already thin to begin with.
I am going to go to a clinic today to see if they have any appetite stimulants they can give me or something. I also haven't really spoken to my partner about my anxieties in much detail, but I feel like it's time to open up about it. I don't think bottling this all up is good for me.
Does anyone have any advice about eating? I feel hungry, but the thought of any kind of substantial food makes me want to vomit :( Please help. Thanks.