Unable to enjoy myself!

[Mell1988]

Hi there,

From talking to my counsellor last week and thinking about things a bit I've come to the conclusion that at the root of my anxiety is an inability to ever enjoy myself!!

Don't get me wrong here, I am not miserable all of the time - I do enjoy things in life but there is definitely a feeling that I can never completely "let go" and I'm always wary/thinking in the back of my mind of something that may make me anxious.

It came to light last week as it was my sons birthday and I was really looking forward to the day off work with him, and I had a great time but in the back of my mind were anxiety worries that I hadn't thought about for some time.

I suddenly realised that these worries always surface coming up to a "nice" event - ie. something that I am looking forward to. It seems like I won't let myself let go and enjoy it, I'm always putting something in the way that takes the edge off it.

I've also noticed this happens before events that perhaps I am less excited about but things that are different from the routine - ie. an important meeting at work.

Does this sound familiar to anyone ? It feels like I always have to have this around my neck - like maybe I have some self esteem issues and I feel that I don't deserve to be 100% happy ?

Take Care all
xxxxx

[Meg]

Hi
Anxiety and excitement maniofest themselves in the same physical way with same feelings - its how we interpret them that makes the difference .

Also we may associate anxiety with limiting our behaviour and avoiding things - in case we panic and thus we then make this old primal connection even when we're somewhat better until we work through it.

You're quite right - Self esteem may well be part of it too.
I just offer the other scenerios for an alternative view.




Meg

You cannot conquer fear until you have learned what it is you're afraid of. The enemy is ignorance. Vivian Vance

[seh1980]

hello Mell,

I often feel like that. I will have a good time but I won't let myself go 100%...it's because I always have "what ifs" in the back of my mind. I think this is very common amongst people with anxiety.

Sarah :D

[nomorepanic]

Mell

It does sound like low self-esteem to me too. I think we all doubt ourselves when we suffer from panic/anxiety as we lose confidence in ourselves and always have the "what ifs".

Maybe a good book on it may help?

Nicola

[pips]

Hi Mell,

You are not alone! I know exactly how you feel. I often find I get worst before an event as well! It does make me cross when it's a nice thing that I want to do! I think this is supposed to be pleasurable and there I AM GETTING ANXIOUS AND WORRY WORRY WORRY! Sound familar? LOL

I am trying now though to not think about the day ahead to much and just get on with it. As I know the more I dwell on it the more I am feeding the anxiety. Thus the worse I become! So I'm trying to go with the take each day as it comes method! Plus try to distract my thoughts from the event. The trouble is i worry about silly things like if my Mum is coming to stay for instance! What if she doesn't enjoy herself what if this what if that! All these silly what ifs! and after the event I always think was it really worth all that worry! My brain always seems to come up with the same answer NO!!!!!!!! I then tell myself i won't worry about such trivial things! Well until the next time anyway! LOL

Day by Day. It's not easy I still struggle loads. You know what they say though PRACTICE MAKES PERFECT! Hmmm LOL!

Hope you are well.

Take care

Love PIP'S XX