I really need some help!

[GaryP]

Hi,

I don't post much on here, but do a lot of reading and comment on some threads. I really need some advice, on how to feel better.

Back in 2010, I went to a golf event in Qatar. While there I lost my clubs, couldn't sleep and felt extreme panic, worry and general symptoms of unease. It was honestly torture. I came home, and managed to get back on track, until I had one bad nights sleep. Since then, till this day I have battled a constant fear of not sleeping. I started taking Zolpidem towards the end of 2010, and have been on it ever since. It helps to relax me, and has helped me cope over the years. Sadly things have become really bad again. I am experiencing fear over most things I do, because all I'm thinking about is sleep. Even when I sleep well, I am still fearful of the next sleep. When I do sleep badly, the fear returns, and it's torture. I just don't know if I can go on anymore, and I've never felt that way before.

I have been signed off work since 18th July 2017, and my doctor put me on setraline and beta blockers. I have yet to notice a difference with the anti depressants, however there are times when things seem way more bearable.

I am going on holiday in 7 days and I'm dreading it, because of this really difficult period. The main part of me, wants away from here, to go to a place that is far away from here, but I am freaking out I will break down over there. To be fair I breakdown often just being at home, so it wouldn't be any different over there. I've been on plenty holidays since 2010, been married, and have a job, yet still I am obsessed over sleep. I have developed a really bad sleeping pattern, where I stay up to around 5 am, and get up at noon, then start work at 1245 for the rest of the day. As much as I've tried to pretend like I've forgotten about the trip in 2010, it's clearly still having a problem on my health in 2017. I just need some help on how to cope again, because iv'e coped before, however I will not lie, that zolpidem has helped me, because it relaxes me at bedtime, however i'm starting to just feel nervous all of the time now. I need to be off work, and I don't know if I'll ever feel like going back now. I'm kind of lost in my own mind at the moment. I find myself thinking about things I said, or done years ago, as far back as childhood. These things don't even matter, and I know this, but for some reason I can't believe anything I tell myself. I have tried counselling, which helped the first time, second time was a waste. Recently I tried an online CBT course which was good but I never finished it. I didn't have a printer and it was just difficulty to keep up. I have always thought it would be easier speaking with someone openly, but the last mental health nurse I was with just sat there, listened and then looked like she never gave a shit. Put me onto the CBT course online, then every few weeks I'd go back and she'd ask how the course was going, i'd say fine, then she'd listen to me for a while, and I'd leave. If I'm honest the CBT did give me a fairly increased understanding of my condition.

I can't even sit on the sofa and watch TV without thinking about something. My behaviour becomes angry, and I am just fed up when I feel this way. Sometimes when I'm actually happy, I have a reminder that ''I'm not happy, i'm anxious and I'm not allowed to feel happy ''

To top it all off, my Grandad passed away with a heart attack, on the 8th August. I was really close with him, however with my own problems feel like I'm not even able to give myself time to grieve. As I type this I'm getting angry because I feel so low that I have to feel this way.

Anyone feel this way?

[snowghost57]

You need to find another therapist. I worked on my anxiety and got rid of it. I still have my moments but I use the tools that I learned here and with her. I challenge my thoughts, are they productive? Are they keeping me from my goals in life? You must look at the facts and not your emotions. Death is difficult to cope with. I lost my mother when I was 26, December 18, my brother died suddenly on December 22 two years ago and my birthday is December 15. Needless to say it's not a good month for me. Sure I got angry, life isn't fair but I learn to accept that they are not longer in pain mentally. Stop visiting the past it has nothing new to say. Stay focused in the Now.

[Juggar]

Hey, are you me?

Wow That story resonates with me. I wont go that into it for sake of length but yeah that's about what I've went through/am going through. It all hit me thanksgiving 2016.


I too had a moment of extreme panic and was also away from home when it happened. I could not sleep it was torture just as you said.

Came back home and had that fear of not sleeping which lead to other irrational fears which lead to sensirometer OCD... I even stay up to 4-5 am just like you and wake at noon! I too know it's a bad sleeping pattern but I'm scared to change it because this works and if I'm getting restful sleep every night you bet your ass I'm not messing with it. I've noted increased anxiety right before bed as well. I don't takenanything but I do visit forums such as this which helps.

I've also had that irritating issue where I try to watch something and it just becomes a battle.

For me it's slowly gotten better but in some ways worse. I can cope much better with it now. I used to breakdown all the time it was horrible. I think actually sleeping solidly every night has repaired my brain some.

Honestly, just keep doing what you are doing I know you feel nervous and fear that you'll break down but man, if you've made it this past 7 years dealing with this then you'll be just fine,I guarantee it.

Sometimes I have to look at something from a different angle and go "hmm, you know I've never had an issue with going somewhere on holiday in the past, this is just my anxiety going into overdrive" this has really helped me.

I can believe the nurse wasn't really helpful. A lot of the time they are just there to refer you to some course or dispense drugs. I believe true healing comes from working out your issues with others that understand and can talk it out with you. I tried going to the doctor and they of course just want to give drugs. But everytime I discussed my problems with friends it felt really therapudic and helpful, no hard drugs needed.

I hope you feel better soon I know how tough it is.

[braindead]

I HELPED my sleep pattern with a simple well tried method 2 and a halfmg olanzapine and 1 pint of merry down cider 7.5 percent, believe my the cider works and it great, ps keep it in the fridge :wacko: