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View Full Version : Self Hatred... anxiety, depression or just me?



TheAnxiousWriter
08-09-17, 19:04
Hey! It has actually been quite a long time since I've posted, but for years I've been having a problem that I'm not sure is a genuine mental issue or just me being silly.
I was bullied quite often in school and the teachers would react in such a way that made me feel like it was my fault. By the final year, I'm pretty sure I was hated by almost every peer that knew me.
Not only that, but since the second or third year in that school, I had joined a site which was great for making friends and sharing stories. It sounded lovely in my mind, yet a lot of people there had the same issues I did and we kind of fed off of each other.
It's extremely difficult to describe how it feels. All I can say is that I call them "episodes" or "mood drops". The most common thing that triggers this is if i made a mistake, no matter how small, my mind will go through every mistake a made in the past and tell myself that everyone hates me for them and continue to laugh about them. When I feel lonely this happens too. These things will either make me cry or snap at people.
I'm stuck in a rut and I'm afraid that all of this is my fault or I'm just an insecure person being overly dramatic about my problems. Is this just it?

---------- Post added at 19:04 ---------- Previous post was at 17:31 ----------

Bump.

KK77
08-09-17, 19:42
Bullying results in a lack of self-confidence and esteem that can last a lifetime if not dealt with. The shame and guilt of the past (bullying, criticism, invalidation) will manifest in the present, which is why you probably feel triggered if you make "mistakes" or you're criticised/slighted etc. All this leads to avoidance which will severely impact your life.

Not sure if you have had counselling before but this is going to be your best chance of healing the wounds of the past so you can move on positively with your life. I would speak to your GP about this and get referral for counselling/psychotherapy.