HOCDfighter
08-09-17, 18:59
Hi everyone! :) Introducing myself, i'm a 21 y-o boy from Portugal.
I suffered from OCD since my childhood. I always had constant obcessions and irrational fears. I obcessed that everyone were mocking me (no one could even laught, i assumed that was because of me), fear that a giant spider would kill me while im in bed, fear that i could get blind, fear of death... i even had stupid intrusive thoughts about killing people or calling them names... i got so stressfull when i get that. But there is other, HOCD...
I suffer from HOCD for like 8 years (since im 13). Just because a girl mocked me and called me gay, i felt nervous and didnt like it, but she still mocked me. But before i telling all the story, when i was 12 i "discovered" masturbation and became like a chronic masturbator (don't know if that even exists), i would masturbate at least 1 time per day, but when i got into porn, things got worst... i got into it that i lost my erection to real girls (i only could get erect to porn), later i even couldnt get an proper erection :weep: i thought that was because i was depressed but then that story in my post about a girl mocking me got me thinking about this. I couldnt sleep, i was afraid, i thought "if i become gay i will never ever leave home, i rather die"... and later that year a gay boy from my school was trying to talk to me, so he was with a fake account with no image sending me messages, i asked who was the girl, but then his photo showed up and i never felt that much anxiety, i started to cry and felt terrorized. I was so depressed because i couldnt get a decent erection and now, because i worried about being gay :weep: My life was completely ruined and now i'm trying to fix it.
That's my story.
But for now i'm going to talk about my symptoms:
- A weird feeling in my groin (ik, groinal responses).
- Anxiety to thoughts (gone, it made me feel worried because i thought i was accepting that i was gay but later on i realised it was bullshit, backdoor spike).
- Suicidal (i can deal with this).
- Constantly testing to toughts.
- No arrousal to oposite sex (libido gone when i feel depressed, some days i just ignore and i can preform sexualy with no problem).
- Avoid same-sex (Dealing with it)
I have some questions...
Sometimes i check myself if i like it and sometimes it looks like i'm liking it, but i don't! Its hard to explain... and when i'm checking if i like being with a girl, i get a feel that i dont and i start to freak out! I'm constantly checking if i like or not... I only started to have this for about 3 months (i only discovered my OCD early this year, and HOCD came back full force this year...). Should i ignore this?
Can someone give me good tips about this? What should i do?
I suffered from OCD since my childhood. I always had constant obcessions and irrational fears. I obcessed that everyone were mocking me (no one could even laught, i assumed that was because of me), fear that a giant spider would kill me while im in bed, fear that i could get blind, fear of death... i even had stupid intrusive thoughts about killing people or calling them names... i got so stressfull when i get that. But there is other, HOCD...
I suffer from HOCD for like 8 years (since im 13). Just because a girl mocked me and called me gay, i felt nervous and didnt like it, but she still mocked me. But before i telling all the story, when i was 12 i "discovered" masturbation and became like a chronic masturbator (don't know if that even exists), i would masturbate at least 1 time per day, but when i got into porn, things got worst... i got into it that i lost my erection to real girls (i only could get erect to porn), later i even couldnt get an proper erection :weep: i thought that was because i was depressed but then that story in my post about a girl mocking me got me thinking about this. I couldnt sleep, i was afraid, i thought "if i become gay i will never ever leave home, i rather die"... and later that year a gay boy from my school was trying to talk to me, so he was with a fake account with no image sending me messages, i asked who was the girl, but then his photo showed up and i never felt that much anxiety, i started to cry and felt terrorized. I was so depressed because i couldnt get a decent erection and now, because i worried about being gay :weep: My life was completely ruined and now i'm trying to fix it.
That's my story.
But for now i'm going to talk about my symptoms:
- A weird feeling in my groin (ik, groinal responses).
- Anxiety to thoughts (gone, it made me feel worried because i thought i was accepting that i was gay but later on i realised it was bullshit, backdoor spike).
- Suicidal (i can deal with this).
- Constantly testing to toughts.
- No arrousal to oposite sex (libido gone when i feel depressed, some days i just ignore and i can preform sexualy with no problem).
- Avoid same-sex (Dealing with it)
I have some questions...
Sometimes i check myself if i like it and sometimes it looks like i'm liking it, but i don't! Its hard to explain... and when i'm checking if i like being with a girl, i get a feel that i dont and i start to freak out! I'm constantly checking if i like or not... I only started to have this for about 3 months (i only discovered my OCD early this year, and HOCD came back full force this year...). Should i ignore this?
Can someone give me good tips about this? What should i do?