Out of circulation

[Quiet-Lift]

Hello out there in the Ether...

I used to be a security guard once...I never met anybody! I was a postman...walked the streets too early in the morning to meet anyone.
Just two examples from the days when I DID work!

Now that I'm without occupation and have been for a long time...I always dread that familiar question on those rare occasions when I do meet someone new..."what do you do?"...errr...I don't know what to say. Truth or consequences?
"I'm a professional psychiatric outpatient" (too risky and it's a Dorothy Rowe joke) or the usual... "I'm, er, unemployed" (the conversation killer) or, if I'm really daring..."I'm an artist" (this is partially true and I do have a body of work to back it up...but in no way am i either full-time or totally committed).

So...I probably do have Social Anxiety and all the claims made for Seroxat seem to be rubbish in my case. How can a pill change a set of circumstances?

I haven't confronted a party or seminar with cocktails and chatterers for years. I remember how the sound of all those mingled voices used to sound like waves on a stony beach or starlings on high tension wires. I used to wonder..."what are they all saying to each other?"

As none of us is an island and we all need another person in one way or another, that puts me in deep sugar. :weep: Isolation and solitude can have a comforting and secure aspect to it, but too much and I fear that any social skills I may have once had are rapidly growing rusty from lack of use!

Sound familiar? Any responses most welcome. Tell us about it...:)

Take care all

:hugs: :wacko: :)

[mackncody]

Don't worry your not alone. I too hate the "what do you do?" questions(in my case though, I'm 19, its where are you going to college and what is your major). Since I have social phobia, its hard to say I'm terrified to be around my own species and I simply say I'm in college studying to be a zoologist and busy with my horses hence the no time for a "job". In reality I take online classes from a local uni(I go to orientations and midterms and finals but do everything else online) and I don't know what I want my major to be, I would love to become a zoologist but have very little hope of suceeding and while I am busy with my horses, its not a quest for the Olympics or some such noble aspiration. Basically I lie...

I do wonder about the isolation sometimes, I stick to my close friends and its once in a blue moon I actually go out for fun. Usually to a movie, dark place where your strongly advised not to talk....

Anywho....it does sound as though you might have social anxiety. Have you talked to your doc? I'm on meds for my anxiety and it does help me. They may help you too.

sorry for the book, sorta just poured out on its own....:shades:

[Quiet-Lift]

Hi mackncody:)

many thanks for replying to my post. Your's was the only response I got!
I appreciate your honesty. I'm a long way from you in the U.K., so there's no chance of any fallout over your disclosure.

As long as you are relatively happy with what you're doing - that's fine. I see no problem with lying if it avoids the enquirer's potential prejudices.

Zoology sounds like a worthwhile pursuit and even if you don't make Zoologist, at least the interest is there. I'm a great fan of Natural History TV and find the sheer range and variety of the Animal Kingdom breathtaking and wonderful to contemplate.

Glad to know that your meds are helping. I may need to return to my doctor soon because i know that i am avoiding challenges and potentially enjoyable activities because of anxiety. I came off anti-depressants recently and don't take any tranquillisers, but i know how hard it can be to try new things without some kind of chemical support.

No problem with your 'book'...i do the same thing myself. Apologies for any waffle on my part...it's good exercise and uses time constructively.

All the best

[Ellen70]

Hi Allan, I don't have social anxiety but I dread the 'What are doing with yourself?' question from people as well.
I haven't worked for about 18 months due to my anxiety and depression and always get really stressed when I am in a job.
I usually answer the ' What are you doing.... ) with 'I am not working at the moment' or I lie and say I am working for my brother, which was the last job I had. A neighbour of my sister's asked me the dreaded qst last week and for once I said 'I am not working at the moment because I have clinical depression'. She didn't look horrified or anything, she just said someting about depression being very common now and that was that.

Now the other question I dread is 'What do you do all day?' but that is for another thread :winks:

Take care

Eibhlin

[Jaco45er]

Hi Allan

I don't have social anxiety but liked the way you lay down your words.

The professional outpatient line might be a bit heavy for a 1st time meet lol, but "I am a struggling artist" sounds a lot more intriguing!!!!

I know CBT talks about doing little tasks, like for example pop into the shop, buy something and have a brief passing convo with the assistant, but looking to build up exposure to social situations slowly but surely.

Although its not my specialised subject sorry, but if you ever get panicky about feeling you are about to drop dead with a heart attack then I am your man lol.

TC

Jaco

[ksmith]

Hi Alan,

If you are as articulate in speech as you are with the with the written word then I don't know why you are worrying! I'm sure a lot of people would find you both entertaining, enigmatic and intriguing and probably much more bloody interesting than someone who ensures you know they are in a 'profession' and then bores you to death talking about how important they are to their organisation.

I too have difficulty sometimes mxing with others socially. I know it's not the answer but a few cheeky vimtos usually does the trick. Since anxiety and semi social withdrawal I really love solitude and have learned so much about myself. At least something positive came out of something so awful!

Kay x

[kate]

Just say you are sooooooooo rich that you don't need to work :winks:

Kate

[Quiet-Lift]

Hello Eibhlin

Well done for having the guts to come up with the 'Clinical Depression' response to your Sister's neighbour. A brave thing to do because so few people have the compassion or necessary sympathy to understand.

Best wishes and TC

[Quiet-Lift]

Thanks for that one Kate...I'll try and remember it.

[kate]

Jeez, it was only a joke :rolleyes:

Kate

[Quiet-Lift]

Hey..i know. No offense taken and none given i hope

All the best

[Quiet-Lift]

Hi Kay

Thanks for the positive about being articulate with the written word. I'm worrying because when I get depressed I tend to get tight-lipped with face-to-face encounters. I'm concerned that long periods of isolation and a lack of social interaction may not be very helpful with meeting people.
Cheeky Vimto's may not be the answer but they do provide a shared compromise as long as you can keep them in moderation.
It's good that you can take something positive from your anxiety and semi-social withdrawal. Solitude and self-knowledge seem to go well together.

Take Care

[Quiet-Lift]

Thanks Jaco

The 'Professional Psychiatric Outpatient' line is a joke ...(and it's not mine). 'Struggling Artist' or 'Designer' is probably a much better response.
The CBT approach sounds interesting...the poor shop assistants seem to busy for any quick convo though! I take your point anyway...

All the best

[Ellen70]

Hello Eibhlin

Well done for having the guts to come up with the 'Clinical Depression' response to your Sister's neighbour. A brave thing to do because so few people have the compassion or necessary sympathy to understand.

Best wishes and TC

Thanks Allan. I have to say that it stops people in their tracks when you say you have depression or any other mental health problems. To be honest I get a mischievous feeling when I tell someone what is wrong with me. Maybe I am a bit naughty but it tickles me to see people get embarrassed when I say it to them :blush:

[Quiet-Lift]

Thanks Allan. I have to say that it stops people in their tracks when you say you have depression or any other mental health problems. To be honest I get a mischievous feeling when I tell someone what is wrong with me. Maybe I am a bit naughty but it tickles me to see people get embarrassed when I say it to them :blush:
Stopping people in their tracks is no bad thing. I can think of many who might benefit from a little self-reflection when it come to opinions about mental health issues.
Enjoy your mischievous feeling....

All the best

[trumpet]

Hi Allen, I'm an SA sufferer myself who's also been unemployed for 5 years.

I think the healthiest thing to do is be honest and screw what others think! Obviously that's a bit tricky when you're an SA sufferer and, if you're anything like me, you value what others think about you almost as highly as you value existence itself!

I've been trying in recent months to alter all my self-defeating beliefs such as 'approval of others is paramount'. There are several CBT techniques for doing this which you may or may not know about already. I’ve used the double-column method which involves listing the advantages of the belief on the left and the disadvantages on the right, then I’ve re-written the belief in light of these findings, then I’ve drawn up a long list entitled "reasons why disapproval can be uncomfortable but is not fatal" which I read over every day. On top of that I do thought records each day and refute any twisted thoughts which enter my mind and cause me emotional unrest. It seems to be working pretty well.

I must confess that I do often resort to bending the truth when asked this question a lot though. I usually say something general and then change the subject like, 'I'm a musician'. Like you with your art this isn't entirely untrue. I do play paid gigs every now and then. So, really it's not a lie, I just haven't elaborated on the extent to which I do it, which is fair enough I think. Other people do this all the time anyway. For example, people who can't be bothered talking about their family or work problems always say, ‘I’m good thanks’ in response to ‘how are you?’ It's just one of the rules of small talk.

[Quiet-Lift]

Hi Trumpet

Thankyou for your thread. I suppose we all need approval from other's to a certain extent don't we? My levels of approval can change from day to day depending on my mood, but on the whole, I try to be as polite as possible when I can.
Those CBT techniques sound interesting. I may give them a try (if my nerves will let me!). Glad to hear that they work for you though.
I agree with what you say about not worrying over what people might be thinking. A worthless endeavour but such a hard one to break. I think it can lie at the heart of shyness and low self-esteem.
Nothing wrong with bending the truth when it comes to the "what do you do?" question. As you say, you do play paid gigs, which is terrific. I play the stereo, but so far I'm the only member of the audience (or my neighbours in adjoining flats are if I turn it up loud!).
TC and all the best