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mirry
08-06-07, 13:03
I have just been watching loose women and they were talking about being critisized as child and how damaging it can be.

Apprently social anxiety can be caused by feeling that you arnt as good as everyone else. SO

as a child were you told how much your loved, how pretty you are, how clever you are, that you can do anything you want ?

I wasnt told any of these things, so it makes sence to me :mad:

honeybee
08-06-07, 13:50
my mum was the kinda mum that had me and well... not much else...

she is a fantastic person in her own way but has spent her life going from one disfynctional relationship to the next... never had and quality time... at the age of 9 i was upstairs trying to distract my 3 year old sister from the noise of my mum getting beaten up downstairs... i was bullied in primary school... moved to secondary school and fitted in very well...

as a child i was never critisised, but i was kinda just left there to deal with life... i dont have any bad feelings towards my life, and i dont think its the cause of my anxiety... i do feel however, that when all my panic attacks started, which is when i was 18, i kind of reverted back to being a child in a sense and i longed for a cuddle off my mum and for her to tell me it was gonna be ok... for the 1st couple of years i clung onto my mum and didnt want her to leave my sight... maybe that was something to do with the fact i felt so along as a child... i dunno... even if i did know it wouldn't change anything so hey ho!!! sorry to go on...

obviously helping to builds a childs self esteem and confidence is vital but i dont think there are any rules with anxiety.. it can hit anyone for thousands of different reasons...

lucy0927
08-06-07, 14:39
My Mum and my family were always good at saying that I was good at things and that I was pretty etc but as it comes from your family I think you tend to dismiss it a lot. It was school that I think caused a lot of my social anxiety and my feelings of being less than everyone else. I was teased quite a bit and being shy I never really stood up for myself which made them worse.

Looking back now I don't think I realised at the time how much it had effected me until a later when I started thinking I wasn't as good as everyone else, I wasn't as pretty or I didn't have a good personality and people didn't like me. At work I had a boss who never valued what I did and always said I was average and I had never improved, this made me think I wasn't as clever and my work wasn't as good as everyone else's.

So I don't think it's necessarily your childhood that causes it but I think it's comments that people make as you're growing up and still trying to find out who you are etc that can affect you just as much. I just think that some of us take other people's comments more to heart than others.

samc100
08-06-07, 14:47
My mother did not praise me. I never felt pretty, clever, funny, sporty etc... My good points were not to be praised so I did not get bigheaded. My faults were trooped out frequently to be examined and discussed.

I left home at 19 and it was like being an ugly duckling turning into a swan.

Interesting what you say Honeybee about reverting to a child. I am like a big kid - I need approval from those I love.

I have never hated my mother - just bemused why she didn't treat my siblings the same ( maybe they were thick and ugly so needed the praise ! JOKING :ohmy: ).


Our relationship was not close but became much closer the day she met my little boy - her first grandchild. And last year when I was really ill and not functioning she did phone all the time and come to visit on a weekend with tupperware boxes full of food. When I get upset cos' I think I am crappy pants mummy she praises me which is music to my ears.

I don't think it caused my anxiety. I think doesn't help but my mother had her own horrific traumas to deal with when I was tot of her eldest child dying so in some ways I'm just glad I have a mum.

josephine
08-06-07, 18:22
I was always told by my mum that i was pretty, clever, artistic etc. I have always had low self esteem and felt odd. Like an outsider. No matter what anyone said i could never get rid of the feelings inside. The anxiety has been with me since i was a young child. I have spent my whole life trying to pretend i was just like everybody else.

In my case i was given all the support in my childhood and still turned out like this. I think anxiety is in my dna and has nothing to do with what was or wasnt said to me.

Love Josephinex

eeyorelover
08-06-07, 19:13
I don't ever remember recieving any kind of praise as a child. I was the oldest so it was my job to help out and make sure the other kids were happy and got what they needed and since there were 4 of us - I don't think that complimenting any of us was seen as a priority.
Do I think that helped to fuel my anxiety in social situations - possibly.
I do find myself picking myself apart alot.
I guess that the secret may be to be able to accept who you are and then like yourself for who you are but I haven't been able to do that yet.
xxx
Sandy

Lindalou64
08-06-07, 22:44
i dont recall to be honest my mom was sick my whole childhood w/diabetes which she had 7 strokes and the 3rd heart attack took her....so i grew up taking care of her as for my father god forgive me he was an a-hole when i would run into him they were divorced when i was 1 but anywhos when i ran into him he had nothing but negative things to say to me about my looks ect he thot he was this friggin movie star....so now here he is at 76 still very very negative but very lonly and gonna need help soon, i cant do it i just cant, even tho i take care of elderly i cant take the negativity out of his mouth.......might sound mean but you must know this man dont get me wrong i love him he is my dad i just find that i cant do it .......all this panick anxiety ect runs on his side ...............linda xx