W.I.F.T.S.
09-06-07, 14:46
I had an interesting session with my therapist the other day and he said that we all suffer from five core fears:
isolation/abandonement
death, injury, pain
loss of control
confinement
rejection, shame, ridicule
It was a bit like a lightbulb moment for me! lol Ultimately, we all panic because we worry about death. My therapist explained that our 'old brain' the animal brain, the part that hasn't evolved since the cave men would take social rejection very badly because, in prehistoric times, if you were cast out from the group you simply wouldn't survive. He explained how one patient worried about losing his job which, to him, would mean that he'd lose his wife, his kids and his home, which would mean that he'd have to sleep on the streets, which would mean that he'd die. He also told me how another patient was worried that an accident that he'd had on a building site would leave him paralysed, which he instantly equated with death. Personally, when I split up with my girlfriend in London and returned home to Cheshire, I had it in my head that my life was over, which again means death.
isolation/abandonment: my mum and dad divorced when I was 13. My dad went to live in Liverpool for a while. I certainly felt very isolated when I came home to Northwich after living in London, as a lot of my freinds were living down south and all my Northwich friends had moved away.
death/injury/pain: my panic attacks became worse as I had more frequent intrusive thought about crashing my car, jumping off a bridge or pulling my eye out. It turns out that intrusive thoughts aren't as uncommon as I thought and that I'm not so mentally disturbed afterall! lol One 'normal' friend described how he had a panic attack atop a large building as the image of him jumping off came to him and another 'normal' friend had a panic attack smoking weed because he felt like he was going to have a heart attack.
loss of control: classic! I become very anxious driving over bridges because I become worried about losing control and driving my car off one or stopping the car and jumping off the bridge. There's a motorway bridge near Altrincham with traffic lights on it and I always pray that it's on green as I'm crossing the bridge, as I hate being sat there in traffic! I've also had worrying visions of getting the headteacher at the school where I work in a headlock! lol
confinement: sure, I don't really like buses, planes, boats etc but I think that this effects me on a psychological rather than a physical level. The idea of relationships and family seems very restrictive to me. I feel that I couldn't do as I please if I had a wife and kids. I certainly feel very confined in my home town, as I have anxiety about going very far and I do feel some anxiety about feeling confined in a place of work for too long...I do need to feel that I can move on if I need to. When I was engaged I wasn't 'allowed' to leave a factory job that I hated, because it was relatively well paid and I was expected to provide for her. That situation inevitably led to my depression becoming much deeper.
rejection/shame/ridicule: Shame was certainly another core fear which contributed to my breakdown, as I'd acted quite obnoxiously in London and borrowed a lot of money from family and friends. I felt like I'd really let them down and that they couldn't possibly love me anymore. I also felt rejected because a very rocky four year relationship had ended and because the career that I had been persuing had come to nothing and I felt that the door was closed to me for having a decent career even though I had obvious talents and a degree.
isolation/abandonement
death, injury, pain
loss of control
confinement
rejection, shame, ridicule
It was a bit like a lightbulb moment for me! lol Ultimately, we all panic because we worry about death. My therapist explained that our 'old brain' the animal brain, the part that hasn't evolved since the cave men would take social rejection very badly because, in prehistoric times, if you were cast out from the group you simply wouldn't survive. He explained how one patient worried about losing his job which, to him, would mean that he'd lose his wife, his kids and his home, which would mean that he'd have to sleep on the streets, which would mean that he'd die. He also told me how another patient was worried that an accident that he'd had on a building site would leave him paralysed, which he instantly equated with death. Personally, when I split up with my girlfriend in London and returned home to Cheshire, I had it in my head that my life was over, which again means death.
isolation/abandonment: my mum and dad divorced when I was 13. My dad went to live in Liverpool for a while. I certainly felt very isolated when I came home to Northwich after living in London, as a lot of my freinds were living down south and all my Northwich friends had moved away.
death/injury/pain: my panic attacks became worse as I had more frequent intrusive thought about crashing my car, jumping off a bridge or pulling my eye out. It turns out that intrusive thoughts aren't as uncommon as I thought and that I'm not so mentally disturbed afterall! lol One 'normal' friend described how he had a panic attack atop a large building as the image of him jumping off came to him and another 'normal' friend had a panic attack smoking weed because he felt like he was going to have a heart attack.
loss of control: classic! I become very anxious driving over bridges because I become worried about losing control and driving my car off one or stopping the car and jumping off the bridge. There's a motorway bridge near Altrincham with traffic lights on it and I always pray that it's on green as I'm crossing the bridge, as I hate being sat there in traffic! I've also had worrying visions of getting the headteacher at the school where I work in a headlock! lol
confinement: sure, I don't really like buses, planes, boats etc but I think that this effects me on a psychological rather than a physical level. The idea of relationships and family seems very restrictive to me. I feel that I couldn't do as I please if I had a wife and kids. I certainly feel very confined in my home town, as I have anxiety about going very far and I do feel some anxiety about feeling confined in a place of work for too long...I do need to feel that I can move on if I need to. When I was engaged I wasn't 'allowed' to leave a factory job that I hated, because it was relatively well paid and I was expected to provide for her. That situation inevitably led to my depression becoming much deeper.
rejection/shame/ridicule: Shame was certainly another core fear which contributed to my breakdown, as I'd acted quite obnoxiously in London and borrowed a lot of money from family and friends. I felt like I'd really let them down and that they couldn't possibly love me anymore. I also felt rejected because a very rocky four year relationship had ended and because the career that I had been persuing had come to nothing and I felt that the door was closed to me for having a decent career even though I had obvious talents and a degree.