Hello everyone, plz give me some advice...

[Mariama]

Hi everyone,

My names Mariama.

I guess I'm iv been in denial about my situation, the thing is, I was bullied badly as a child and my parents were not very helpful as my dad kinda used to hit me a lot when I couldn't perform well at school.

I managed to get over it, but then he dropped down dead. And I felt very upset but now I dont care that hes dead, infact Im glad he isnt around, but my mum also does not really care that I have become like this.

Im married, however Im in an area with ppl who are not like me, I have no friends here also no one to speak to.

I never leave the house unless its at night, and even then I have to be with someone, or I dont go, or if im really down I wont leave the house for a week at a time.

I also cannot go on public transport the thought of that kills me, I cannot work because of my fear of ppl. I feel so insecure, I also have re-occuring thoughts in my head which wont leave me alone, I have a nervous stomach all the time and that also never leaves me.
If it wasn't for the fact that I have to pray five times a day, I wouldn't get out of bed in the mornings as I feel other that prayer I have no reason to even move.

Plus the fact that I cant not stand the way I look and do not want anyone to see my looking the way I do, so this is another factor.
The thing is I have now come to terms with the fact that I need help, however I have no idea where to turn or who to ask, I feel really stupid saying all of this, but I cannot continue like this.

Would my doctor be a good idea? or is this of no use?

I shall look forward to your replies (God willing).

[mico]

Welcome Mariama

It's great that you've come to terms with your situation as it means you can now do something about it. This is a great site too, everyone here is a very friendly, and often very knowledgable too.

There's also a chat room, with people usually in after 9pm(GMT)

To answer your question, yes, the doctors would be a good place to start. He may point you towards counselling, CBT(Cognitive Behavioural Therapy - Not as bad as the name sounds!), medication, or even something else. If anything you might find it a relief to get this weight off your shoulders by talking about it with someone.

have a look at the first steps page on this site, here: http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/firststeps.htm

Knowledge is power, the more tricks you have for dealing with this the more you can get better. And you can get better! May not be easy, but it can be done.

Good Luck

mico

[Karen]

Hi Mariama

Welcome to the forum. I can understand how the hurtful experiences you have had growing up can affect the way you live your life now. I too have difficult relationships with my parents and this has had a big impact on how I am today. I still believe the things that were said to me and feel worthless a lot of the time because of it.

The most important thing is that you have recognised that you want to change the problems you have now because of your experiences. This is the first step to being able to change the things you don't like in your life. As Mico said, seeing your doctor is the first step. Not all doctors suggest counselling so you might need to ask for a referral.

I too have a fear of people and until recently spent all day every day on my own, not seeing or speaking to anyone. I have just started to talk to different people on the phone, which isn't at all easy but I know I have to try because I don't want to spend the rest of my life living the way I have until now. You too can make the changes you need to make, slowly and with help and support. Everyone here is very friendly and you will get a lot of support.


Karen



It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.

[Mariama]

Thankyou very much for your kind responses. I intend to make an appointment with my doc tomorrow. I am really nervous, cos I feel really silly, like Im over reacting, which doesnt help.

I too spend a lot of time on my own, this is the hardest thing to deal with actually, I guess I have always had social phobias, thats nothing new but being alone has made my life a misery.

I was wondring if it is possible for you to perhaps tell me how to aproach my doc, Im not really sure what to say to her?? I know it sounds strange but i dont know how to begin with out sounding strange..

[roberta]

Hi Mariama

I think you will find support here, I've just came to this site and had lots of replies giving me encouragement and hope.

i was in the same situation thinking which way to turn. I went to the doctors which was a big step in telling someone how I felt. I was put on medication and still am on medication, I have been for the past month. I am also having counselling.

It helps knowing others are in the same situation and we kinda understand how we all feel.

Talking to another is the first big step you take, but is worth it.

Wishing you all the best, there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Nicola

[sal]

Hi Mariama

You have come to the right place for help as you will get lots of support and people on here who care.

You have taken the biggest step asking for help and that will only carry on.

I can totally appreciate how you feel about your dad, as i had a terrible relationship with my dad as i grew up and when he died i felt guilty that i wasnt grieving over him and when people were talking about him i just wanted to shout at them that they didnt know him and to stop making excuses for his behaviour.

Is your husband supportive in how you feel? It cant be easy living where you dont have a support net work and it is quite common for the likes of your mum not to understand as a lot of people havent understood how i feel until a few of them have suffered themselves then the tables really turn.

I hope the posts you have had so far have helped you and you realise that you are not alone.



Love Sal xxxxx

[Karen]

Hi Mariama

I was extremely worried about seeing my doctor and because of my difficulties with talking, I sent him a letter before my appointment which explained everything. It meant I didn't have to say much when I saw him.

Maybe you could write a letter and either send it to her if you have time before your appointment, or take the letter with you and hand it to her. You could explain it just as you have here. I'm sure she won't think you are strange at all as lots of people have similar problems.

Good luck and let us know how you get on.

Karen



It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.

[seh1980]

hi there,

Welcome to the site!! I'm sure you will receive loads of help and support here.

Sarah :D

[nomorepanic]

Hi Mariama

I think you have had some great replies already so I just wanted to say Welcome aboard and I hope we can help.

Let us know how it goes at the docs ok?

Look forward to getting to know you.

Nicola

[Mariama]

Thankyou so much! I wasnt expecting so many replies.

My husband is the best, hes wonderful...He will support me, hes the only person who understands. Hes also the only person I can leave the house with.
My mum thinks im being stupid, which really hurts my feelings...So even though she is here, she wont be told of my visit to the dos etc, I will tell her exactly how I feel when the time is right...right now I always feel like crying wen I try to speak to her.

I should like to hear of some of your experiences if you dont mind, if any females have MSN messenger, then plz add me or email me.

I look forward to getting to know everyone! and thankyou for your encouragment!

If feels so nice just to share how I feel.

[Meg]

Hi Mariama,

Before seeing your doctor make a list of points and options you want to discuss with her and questions you want to ask even if you've written first as they may not have that letter to hand.

As they are so pushed for time its helpful to be able to jog your memory and write down answers so you can review later .

Its probable you will be offered medication. Do you have an opinion on whether this is something you would consider as well as or instead of some therapy ??

Your cards are beautiful.

Take care


Meg
www.overcominganxiety.co.uk

You cannot conquer fear until you have learned what it is you're afraid of. The enemy is ignorance. Vivian Vance

[jill]

Hi Mariama,

Welcome to the site,

There are lots of nice people on here
who will give you help and support.

Remember Mariama you are NOT alone.

LOVE JILLXX


All problems have a begining and an end!

[pips]

Hi there Mariama,

You have definately arrived at the right place! So a BIG warm welcome to you.

I to found it very difficult at first with my Doctor. Firstly state exactly how you are feeling cover as much as you can manage. You will be suprised though once you started explaining it does get easier! I know when I go to the Drs I dread it each time and plan over and over what I'm going to say! then say something totally different in the end! Once I come out I often think all that worry and stress for nothing! Doesn't stop me doing it though!

I hope it goes well for you.

Take care and let us know if you get to the dr's ok! Good Luck.

Love PIP'S XX XX

[Mariama]

Well, Im not against trying anything as long as it gets some results..

I would like therepy and coucelling as well cos I think theres a lot of issues I need to come to terms with...

And I shall hopefully let you all know how it goes!!!