Wantingtomoveon
09-09-17, 18:19
So this is taking a lot of balls to write this but I'm getting increasingly sucked in and need some perspective please before I go insane. To give a brief back story, I've suffered with anxiety, depression and (undiagnosed) OCD since my teens. The last 4 weeks have been very traumatic with regards to some dental work I've had and some errors by dentists etc. I had an appointment yesterday with a new practice to sort out the mess and was super duper anxious. I also fly next week and I HATE flying with a passion.
So, I'll try keep this short. Yesterday morning I woke up 3 times. Once when my husband left for work at 5:45am, once about 6:15am when my daughter (2.5 years old) woke up (I bought her in bed with me at this point to watch some children's to on my phone.) Then while she was in bed I dozed with one eye open so to speak and we got up to make some breakfast about 7:45am.I've been having super vivid dreams the last week or so which I put down to my anxiety lately. One of them yesterday morning being that all my teeth fell out that I woke up feeling them to make sure they were still there. Another time I "dreamt" I was seeing an ex and he then took me into a cabin where a female was and I went down on this female!!!! This is so totally random I know. I woke up (at which of my three wake ups I can't remember) thinking "oh my goodness that was freakishly real" it was really real feeling. If I'm honest the "dream" has started to become blurry where I keep playing it over. One of those dreams that stays with you the whole day.
Then before bed last night while watching tv, the most random unprovoked thought came to my mind. OH.MY. What if it felt real because it was real? What if I the person I did this to in said dream was my flesh and blood? Is that why it feels so real? Could I be so aware in a dream because it wasn't a dream? Or another way of looking at it, is it possible to do something like this in a sleep walking type of way?! I'm feeling so sick right now. I'm getting more and more eaten up by this and I can't get any of it out of my head. My daughter is my absolute world and I would take a bullet for her over and over again. I would go to the end of the world and beyond to protect her. But why can't I get this effed up thought out of my head?
Any perspective anyone? I'm freaking out right now and keep playing it over and over again. It's twisting and blurring the more I think about the "dream".
Thank you if you've made it to the end.
P.S. In no way shape or form am I that way inclined. I would more than happily volunteer myself to manually castrate anyone who harmed a child!!
So, I'll try keep this short. Yesterday morning I woke up 3 times. Once when my husband left for work at 5:45am, once about 6:15am when my daughter (2.5 years old) woke up (I bought her in bed with me at this point to watch some children's to on my phone.) Then while she was in bed I dozed with one eye open so to speak and we got up to make some breakfast about 7:45am.I've been having super vivid dreams the last week or so which I put down to my anxiety lately. One of them yesterday morning being that all my teeth fell out that I woke up feeling them to make sure they were still there. Another time I "dreamt" I was seeing an ex and he then took me into a cabin where a female was and I went down on this female!!!! This is so totally random I know. I woke up (at which of my three wake ups I can't remember) thinking "oh my goodness that was freakishly real" it was really real feeling. If I'm honest the "dream" has started to become blurry where I keep playing it over. One of those dreams that stays with you the whole day.
Then before bed last night while watching tv, the most random unprovoked thought came to my mind. OH.MY. What if it felt real because it was real? What if I the person I did this to in said dream was my flesh and blood? Is that why it feels so real? Could I be so aware in a dream because it wasn't a dream? Or another way of looking at it, is it possible to do something like this in a sleep walking type of way?! I'm feeling so sick right now. I'm getting more and more eaten up by this and I can't get any of it out of my head. My daughter is my absolute world and I would take a bullet for her over and over again. I would go to the end of the world and beyond to protect her. But why can't I get this effed up thought out of my head?
Any perspective anyone? I'm freaking out right now and keep playing it over and over again. It's twisting and blurring the more I think about the "dream".
Thank you if you've made it to the end.
P.S. In no way shape or form am I that way inclined. I would more than happily volunteer myself to manually castrate anyone who harmed a child!!