Out of his depth manager.

[J-UK]

Hello all. My name is Jay, I'm 28 and I'm an English man in Scotland lol, have been up here for about 4 years now.

I've joined this forum to find new people to talk to and to gain and give support.

I've always been low on self confidence and self worth since I got bullied through secondary school, hiding the fact I was gay, but I've managed to battle on through most things in life.

My mum has agoraphobia and my dad works away Monday to Friday, so I grew up seeing her stuck in four walls. She refused to seek help, even with our support because she was too scared. She knows I have struggled with anxiety but doesn't want me to miss out on my potential like she did, and neither do I.

When she convinced me it was ok for me to leave home and live my life, I moved up to Scotland and got a job as a truck driver. This meant I spent most of my time in my own company away from a lot of people, and that suited my quiet shy nature well.

The company I work for offered me a promotion to the transport office as a deputy team leader and first time round I turned it down for confidence/ anxiety reasons. When they offered it to me again 6months later I forced myself to take the leap as it was a chance to progress myself and my career, especially given my age... I forced myself right out of my comfort zone... I was bricking it!

I've managed to work hard and succeed at the role even though quite often I'm holding a lot of anxiety inside. They've stated that at the end of this year, start of next, they want to promote me to a full team leader. I know for a fact that even though I've obviously managed to come across confident to my boss' etc that right now I could not deal with the new role without having a melt down.

After years and years of struggling with one on one interactions outside of work with shop assistants, work colleagues, being unable to go to a hairdressers because the stress is too much, I finally went to the doctors for help.

They've put me on beta blockers to see if this would stop my heart racing and perhaps reduce my anxious feelings when they first start. So far it's helped quite a bit. When I get anxious I tend to get hot and sweat and my face flushes pretty bad . This has stopped happening almost totally since I got the medication but I still have to battle my thoughts of self worth and what i assume others are thinking of me.

That's where I'm at and why I'm here in a nut shell.

Sorry for the essay, I guess I needed to offload.

Jay




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[vicky23]

Hi Jay,
welcome :emot-highfive:

No need to apologise for writing a lot I think it's sometimes very helpful to get your thoughts down it can clear the mind somewhat.
I'm sure you'll find this site helpful there are some knowledgeable wise people on here ready to offer help if they can
Best wishes

[Catherine S]

Hi Jay, well done for everything you've achieved so far, that's no mean feat when you're as anxiety-ridden as you have been. You take beta blockers...I do too and they really help to calm the heart pumping adrenalin I agree, but even though you're very nervous about coping with the new role, remember how nervous you were about taking on the job you do now, yet you do it very well.

New jobs are nerve-wracking for everybody so you're not on your own with that. I always used to say to my children 'the first day is always the worst day' whenever they try anything new. I have to say it to myself often too. It sounds like you enjoy your job, so perhaps just accept that being nervous is part of life sometimes. But you get on with it despite this so that shows strength and courage. Be proud of yourself.

Oh, and welcome to nmp :D

Cath S ☺

[J-UK]

Hi Jay,
welcome :emot-highfive:

No need to apologise for writing a lot I think it's sometimes very helpful to get your thoughts down it can clear the mind somewhat.
I'm sure you'll find this site helpful there are some knowledgeable wise people on here ready to offer help if they can
Best wishes



Thanks for the welcome Vicky :)


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---------- Post added at 17:20 ---------- Previous post was at 17:13 ----------


Hi Jay, well done for everything you've achieved so far, that's no mean feat when you're as anxiety-ridden as you have been. You take beta blockers...I do too and they really help to calm the heart pumping adrenalin I agree, but even though you're very nervous about coping with the new role, remember how nervous you were about taking on the job you do now, yet you do it very well.

New jobs are nerve-wracking for everybody so you're not on your own with that. I always used to say to my children 'the first day is always the worst day' whenever they try anything new. I have to say it to myself often too. It sounds like you enjoy your job, so perhaps just accept that being nervous is part of life sometimes. But you get on with it despite this so that shows strength and courage. Be proud of yourself.

Oh, and welcome to nmp :D

Cath S ☺



Hi Cath.

Thanks so much for the reply. I am proud of what I've achieved so far and you're right I guess sometimes a little bit of perspective on things can stop them seeming so huge and nerve wracking.

It's more the thought of the one on one personnel meetings with employees that makes me anxious. I can deal with the other stuff but I always over think how the interaction will go and that the other person thinks I'm out of my depth and that's when my anxiety can get the better of me. So stupid and frustrating.

Thanks again for the reply.

Jay


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[Catherine S]

Being the 'boss' and being responsible for a team of workers is a big ask of anybody, not many people would be able to do it, but your own boss must see something in you that tells him/her you can do it and do it well.

Alot of people are in jobs where they think they're just winging it and have a little voice inside saying "any day now they're going to find out i'm a fraud and shouldn't be here at all", that's actually more common than you think. Very few people think they're good enough, only those with big egos do, because even those who appear to be really confident are probably having a quiet panic attack inside :ohmy::D

Cath S

[Darksky]

Just think if you feel nervous about personnel meetings, imagine how they are going to feel, having a meeting with the boss. They will feel nervous too so try and concentrate on the other person and maybe you can forget yourself. I would certainly have a go at it, you have nothing to lose by trying and all the regret in the world of you don't give it a go.

Don't let anxiety dictate what you do in life. Ask yourself if you didn't have anxiety, would you relish this opportunity? If the answer is yes, tell your monster to shove off, it's not going take this from you. It's your life, just do it

[MyNameIsTerry]

Just think if you feel nervous about personnel meetings, imagine how they are going to feel, having a meeting with the boss.

Yes, a lot of people dislike 1-2-1's. They feel on the spot and wonder what they are going to get picked up on.

Can you remember how you felt going into them?

Did you do any sit-ins when you were a deputy TM? Any mock version? Are they planning to sit in on any to ensure you are ok with them at first?

I think you need to remember that this isn't about you being a TM, it's about you learning to be one. They will know you won't be a perfect TM as it requires experience. Your LM is there is there to support you.

I had all that when I was coming up the ranks too. It was before my anxiety days. I ended up having to do a lot of presentations, sometimes to external regulators or directors at a multi national, and it was nerve wracking without anxiety...but you get into it and look back with confidence later on as they get quite easy & even enjoyable. Afger my breakdown I was doing much the same and after 6 months of getting back into the swing of work, I was fine with it all.

And welcome to NMP, J-UK :welcome:

[J-UK]

Yes, a lot of people dislike 1-2-1's. They feel on the spot and wonder what they are going to get picked up on.

Can you remember how you felt going into them?

Did you do any sit-ins when you were a deputy TM? Any mock version? Are they planning to sit in on any to ensure you are ok with them at first?

I think you need to remember that this isn't about you being a TM, it's about you learning to be one. They will know you won't be a perfect TM as it requires experience. Your LM is there is there to support you.



Hey Terry thanks for the reply. It's nice to hear someone else's experiences too.

I'll be sitting in on some 1-2-1s as an observer to see how they're done and then I'll be observed for the first few I lead to see how I do and obviously gain any feedback on where I need to improve.

I guess once I've done a couple it'll be less daunting and not so unknown. And you're right I'm sure they don't expect me to know it all from the word go. Practice makes perfect!

Thanks again.


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---------- Post added at 21:11 ---------- Previous post was at 21:08 ----------


I would certainly have a go at it, you have nothing to lose by trying and all the regret in the world of you don't give it a go.

Don't let anxiety dictate what you do in life. Ask yourself if you didn't have anxiety, would you relish this opportunity? If the answer is yes, tell your monster to shove off, it's not going take this from you. It's your life, just do it



Hey Darksky, this is a really good way of looking at it from a different perspective instead of getting into my own head.

I'm determined not to let anxiety win. That's why I took the plunge the second time they offered me the deputy position and why I went to the doctors for help as soon as another promotion was mentioned.

I hope one day I can feel truely comfortable in my own skin and be more confident.

Thanks for the positive outlook :)


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[Darksky]

I have every confidence in you. From what you've said, despite anxiety, you have nailed it so far. You will nail this too, no problem whatsoever.

Onwards and upwards all the way to the top :)

[MyNameIsTerry]

Sounds like they have a good process there. They will always be assessing you as a manager away and expect you to be learning from them. Someone not asking questions can be a concern to a manager anyway.

There will always be new things that come up but your confidence will grow so you can always be ready to take charge of them.