Hey im new and could use some help

[Topbhoy82]

Hi chaps & chapettes,

My name is Paul :yesyes:.
I am 35 & have 3 kids & a beautiful partner.. and dogs lol hopefully you can read this an identify with me & hopefully I can get some honest feedback.

Been suffering depression & anxiety since i was young.

Usually my anxiety is the problem & intrusive thoughts, which I struggle with regularly.

I seem to hear a story or something horrible on the news that is disturbing & it seems to manifest into my daily life with fears or intrusive thoughts.

An example is hearing something disturbing like "man kills a child". For some reason I start getting intrusive thoughts or flashes of hurting one of my own children. Its pretty disturbing & gets more intense & frequent the more I stress about it.

In the past 2 weeks I have relapsed quite badly & more than I usually do, Ive had quite a stressful few years with work & I split from my partner in April & moved out. I got a house for myself & my partner stayed with the kids. We got back together but stayed in seperate houses to see how things go.

I must admit it was a hard time from April but I just soldiered on. I started feeling unsettled in my new house for the past 6 weeks & could feel it getting to me.
Two weeks ago I woke up from having a dream about ghosts in a house.. I had this reacurring dream of like poltergists or ghosts in rooms in a house & I would be running away from them with my partner or other people.
Ive never really bother about these dreams but one night I got woken by lightning whilst in one if these dreams, It spooked the life out if me as the fear feeling I feel in the dream was with me when I was awake. I couldnt turn off the feeling that something was with me. I stressed the whole night and I couldnt shake the feeling.
I went to the doctor that day as I thought In was in melt down or losing my mind, I dont believe in things like ghosts or possession but I could not shake that feeling.
After a week I had started to lose the feeling as I kept telling myself that no things like that actually exist.
I thought I was getting back to normal then on Thursday of this week I woke up again mid dream & ive been in panic over drive since. Im worrying about every single thing from shadows to thinking I have brain tumours to losing my mind. Other things like harming my family if I lose control. I have never had it as intense as this before & im feeling like there is something seriously wrong with me mentally. Another thing I am getting is feeling fear looking at peoples eyes.. its as if i think in going to see things so it biffing me out. It is one of my fears like having a mental disorder and seeing & hearing things. But i never have.
Anyway that is where i am at and i thought I would share, even if no one reads it its maybe got me to get it out my head by writing it down.
If youve had similar or some of these problems id like to hear about it as I feel im losing it just now.
Cheers,

Paul

[I Don't Get it!]

I wish I had more time, but I'm just about to go and cook my partner's lunch. However, just wanted to say that everything you've written sounds very familiar and there will be lots of people on here who feel the same.

You've been worrying and putting up with stress for a very long time (soldiering on!) and I'm afraid the stress fuse has finally blown and causes the symptoms of Anxiety that you are experiencing now.

You're not going mad (even though it feels that way) and as you've already said yourself, the more you fear these feelings, the more Anxiety is going to be produced!

You need to find out all you can about Anxiety and it's symptoms, having that knowledge will de-mystify and take out some of the fear you're having. Everyone finds different things helpful, but I found Claire Weekes's "Self Help for your Nerves" and Tim Cantopher's "Depressive Illness - the Curse of the Strong" to be very helpful in explaining the weird feelings I was feeling and the physical effects and how to help myself.

Btw, your dream is interesting. In dreams houses are supposed to represent us. Dreaming of a house full of ghosts is like feeling that you yourself are full of frightening apparitions - not a bad description of Anxiety, eh?

I have to go, but stick around here and read as much as you can on the introductory forum, there are some good articles there for beginners.

I wish you well :flowers: (and please give those dogs a tummy rub from me).

[Bigboyuk]

Hi Paul I can identify with depression I have had it for years too, never seems to go away altogether, but some days are better than others :) What help are you receiving for your conditions, meds/therapy or both? What dogs do you have? Cheers