blackbroom
12-09-17, 14:33
As some of you will know, as I have posted here before, I have obsessive thoughts about tetanus (amongst other things).
I have been doing really, really well lately. I managed to do things this summer that would have been impossible with my anxiety a year ago, but something has happened today which has thrown me into a panic, not just about tetanus (although it has), but also that I'm going to be plunged back into the depths of my tetanus obsession which I thought I was getting over.
Because of my obsessive thoughts and anxiety about tetanus, I have let my back garden get into a terrible state, because I am scared to do the gardening.
My neighbours gently, but firmly, raised this with me recently and, although they were very, very nice about it and even offered to help me with it, they made it clear that it has got into a state that's not acceptable and I needed to do something about it.
Partly because of this and because I have generally been so much better, I started to tackle it. But today I dug up a large piece of sharp, rusty metal, with rusty nails sticking out of it, and this has really spooked me. I am pretty sure I did not injure myself on it - I can't see any cuts or puncture wounds or any holes in my clothes or gloves that weren't there before, but I can't stop thinking of how huge a tetanus risk it would be if I had (especially as I know my parents used to fertilise the garden with horse manure) and checking for wounds I might have missed.
I am in the UK, where they do not give you booster jabs if you had the full course when you were a child/adolescent, so I haven't had a booster for 30 years. Logically, I know that I am probably safe - they wouldn't have this policy if it wasn't! - but it doesn't help my fear when I keep reading US documents advising you need to have a booster every 5 years.
Also, I wrapped the sharp piece of metal loosely in newspaper and put it in the dustbin and now I keep worrying the binmen will cut themselves on it and get tetanus and die! Part of me wants to fish it out again and seal it in a plastic box or layers and layers of binbags to prevent this, but part of me thinks that I am more likely to injure myself that way and the binmen will have been well vaccinated.
I think I'm going to be OK about the bit of metal - I don't think it's going to cause the days and days of ceaseless worrying it would have done a year or two ago. But I am worried about how I'm going to sustain my work on the garden and get it back into a state that isn't antisocial and really worried about going backwards with my anxiety.
I have been doing really, really well lately. I managed to do things this summer that would have been impossible with my anxiety a year ago, but something has happened today which has thrown me into a panic, not just about tetanus (although it has), but also that I'm going to be plunged back into the depths of my tetanus obsession which I thought I was getting over.
Because of my obsessive thoughts and anxiety about tetanus, I have let my back garden get into a terrible state, because I am scared to do the gardening.
My neighbours gently, but firmly, raised this with me recently and, although they were very, very nice about it and even offered to help me with it, they made it clear that it has got into a state that's not acceptable and I needed to do something about it.
Partly because of this and because I have generally been so much better, I started to tackle it. But today I dug up a large piece of sharp, rusty metal, with rusty nails sticking out of it, and this has really spooked me. I am pretty sure I did not injure myself on it - I can't see any cuts or puncture wounds or any holes in my clothes or gloves that weren't there before, but I can't stop thinking of how huge a tetanus risk it would be if I had (especially as I know my parents used to fertilise the garden with horse manure) and checking for wounds I might have missed.
I am in the UK, where they do not give you booster jabs if you had the full course when you were a child/adolescent, so I haven't had a booster for 30 years. Logically, I know that I am probably safe - they wouldn't have this policy if it wasn't! - but it doesn't help my fear when I keep reading US documents advising you need to have a booster every 5 years.
Also, I wrapped the sharp piece of metal loosely in newspaper and put it in the dustbin and now I keep worrying the binmen will cut themselves on it and get tetanus and die! Part of me wants to fish it out again and seal it in a plastic box or layers and layers of binbags to prevent this, but part of me thinks that I am more likely to injure myself that way and the binmen will have been well vaccinated.
I think I'm going to be OK about the bit of metal - I don't think it's going to cause the days and days of ceaseless worrying it would have done a year or two ago. But I am worried about how I'm going to sustain my work on the garden and get it back into a state that isn't antisocial and really worried about going backwards with my anxiety.