Does anyone else feel the way I do?

[Darkdays]

Hi everyone..just had to express how I'm feeling..writing down sometimes just helps..so here goes..
Today I phoned the samaritans for the first time. I can't believe I did this..never in my wildest dreams did I ever envisage "me" doing this..I was desperate..feelings of anxiety and fear just so overwhelming and my family can only take so much I guess. Am I the only one that feels such an abject failure? What brought this latest episode on so dreadful I ask? Well I decided to apply for a job...having not worked for a number of years while I was caring for my late husband..was feeling bit better and kind of confident that day so I went for it..Much to my surprise got an interview! Went to interview(bag of nerves) and think did alright. What's the problem I hear you asking..Well,in a nutshell it's me myself. Worried myself sick over whether I could manage it or not so ended up telling them couldn't do it after all. Now stressing again did I do the right thing. Got myself in such a state ended up phoning Samaritans.I must say the lady on the phone was brilliant..very understanding and reassuring.I just had to let it all out.I hate this thing called anxiety,it's crippling my life. I have become socially isolated..I find I push people away unintentionally. Just today someone asked me out for lunch..suddenly the panic set in..i declined..Just can't do things on the spur of the moment..Then what with this stressing over job loamingI just disintegrated..went into meltdown..had to tell someone.
So..here I am folks telling you all..Maybe I just need to know I am not the only one who gets like this..And by the way I do some voluntary work..think I will stick to that in future..it does help. Until the next time.

[I Don't Get it!]

Bless your heart, I'm very much like this too.

I haven't worked outside the home for years and don't think I could do it now.

2 years ago, I did have a rush of confidence once and applied to work in a charity shop in town - I thought it might give me some experience for a real job but in between getting hold of the forms and actually filling them in (they wanted to know my job history for the last 5 years, which was zero!), my confidence rush left me and I was back to anxiety and fear again. Needless to say I binned the forms and never applied again.

Are you getting any treatment for your Anxiety? Sounds like you could do with a bit of help.

[Darkdays]

Hi thanks only just seen your reply..I am on antidepressants,take one at night..been on that couple years and now just started taking fluoxetine mornings after weaning off paroxetine which was on for years.. Doc recently gave me beta blockers propranolol,to take when feel extra anxious which is pretty much all of the time now. Don't know if it's the new mess but my moods are all over the place. As for other help as in therapy or otherwise I am seeing someone from "mind" this Friday for initial assessment..Also have impending appointment with "wellness" mental health people in week or so..just seems to take time getting sorted. I think I want to run before I can walk. As I said I do have support from siblings but there is only so much they can take of you. Just can't bare being stuck at home alone a lot of time..I know what you mean about stress of filling in forms even for voluntary work these days..took me ages to get sorted for my latest one in charity shop. I am hoping to volunteer at our local hospital too..it just can't happen quick enough for me..now need to be out of house. Trouble is I have had years tied to house looking after late husband I have become quite isolated and it takes enormous strength and courage to get out there. Days like today I just want to hide away. I also feel guilt of social stigma of "not working" feel like a failure..sorry to go on but this is helping knowing there is someone out there the same.

---------- Post added at 17:31 ---------- Previous post was at 17:28 ----------

P?SAlso haven't been in chat rooms yet maybe that help too?dont know how they work really.

[I Don't Get it!]

I think there are quite a lot of people on here who feel like us, it's probably more common than we think.

I hope you can get some talking therapy, it did me the world of good. Also, if you can find a good self-help book, it can make such a difference. I found David Burns's "Feeling Good" to be really helpful, but everybody's different - you need to find something that speaks to you.

I know what you mean about running before you can walk, you want to stop feeling like this asap, but if you try and do too much before you're really ready you'll just stress yourself out and cause even more Anxiety.

Try to be kind to yourself, don't be your own worst critic. You're already working in a voluntary role, so that in itself is a victory you should be proud of! :yahoo:

PS
I don't know about the chat room, don't use them myself. I can only spend limited time on the PC because it gives me a headache.

[Darkdays]

Thanks so much for your advice.I think you are right about being hard on myself. You are so right when you say we just want everything to be right. I hope talking therapy will help me.

Once again thanks for good advice and empathy.:)

[pulisa]

You are certainly not alone feeling like this. I always plan things with military precision and can't be "spontaneous" for the life of me! I have been at home caring for my children for over 30 years (both have disabilities) and am a slave to routine. I'm sure I would have been like this anyway but managing my daughter's autism does add to the stress factor ...!!

We put excessive demands on ourselves-I don't know why- and I know personally this is something I have to work on to reduce. I think a voluntary job is a very good option for you, Darkdays and you should give yourself credit for all you do xx

[Darkdays]

Thank you..and you definitely deserve credit for looking after your children all these years. Unfortunately I was never able to have children so I really admire anyone who has them. Occasionally have my great nieces,nephew stay over which I love but can only do it when feeling strong enough. Wish I were there more for them..something else I continually reproach myself about.

Yes I too have to plan things in my head beforehand. I hate this anxiety..it sucks!:weep:

[I Don't Get it!]

Darkdays, isn't it funny how other people's stories spark our empathy and concern - yet our own problems bring reproach, failure and guilt?

I was about to post that you shouldn't be reproaching yourself for not being well enough to do more for your neices and nephews when I realised that I do the exact same thing. Why do we expect perfection from ourselves but not from other people? Aren't we deserving of some of our own understanding and kindness too?

Personally I'm trying to work on my self esteem and confidence - I think it's the root cause of my Anxiety. jmho

[Darkdays]

Thanks again everyone..sometimes I think we all need a bit of reassurance that we are doing ok..I can't believe how much just expressing how I feel has helped. If I don't respond to anyone more tonight it's because I am going to try immerse myself into watching'holby city' on tv..take my mind off things..but look out for me again..now I have the hang of this I will be posting again and also trying to support others out there suffering. Not so alone now.:)

[I Don't Get it!]

I'm glad you're feeling a bit better :D

I'm signing out for tonight, too. Enjoy your show!

[clio51]

I'm so like this myself
I'm 60 this month and have had this shitty anxiety/panic since I was about 23 on and off.

I can't plan anything! Sometimes when asked by sisters to hold out for meal I get the
"Will I be ok, and I can't be bothered what if"
I moan about what can I do today when I get up, ''tis makes me feel down,fed up and lately anxious
I think I've got myself into a rut with this thinking, and it's there as soon as I open my eyes
Which put me on a downer to start the day off.
My mind is constantly over thinking, rather than just doing and I can't seem to get out the habit it's ruining my life at the moment

Today I've been anxious and had palpitations, even bought some calming spray today to put on pillow. Must get a grip or I'll be back to square one again.
I'm sick of being ok for few days then the dreaded down feeling other days.
Been to docs for bloods, thyroid etc all fine. I take venlafaxine and that I'm not comfortable with really but it got me out of a dark place 5 years ago.
Just wish I could switch the automatic thoughts that come from nowhere, about what can I do today.
I admire those that can do volunteer work, I thought about that but you have to say what days/hours your available! I need something where you can just go and help anytime and leave when you want to or can't handle the anxious feeling anymore.
Anyway that's me, partner always says yes but there's people out there in a worse state than you but when your suffering yourself you focus just on you.

[I Don't Get it!]

Hello clio51 :)

What things have you tried to combat your anxiety? I keep going on about these like a broken record, but I've found meditation and hypnotherapy mp3's to be really helpful for relaxation. I've wanted to learn to meditate for many years but never had the ability to concentrate properly due to intrusive thoughts etc, but using a guided meditation recording really helped me.

Dartmouth college do a 5 minute or so guided meditation with Tree Frogs in the background, which sounds a bit mad, but I found the background noise helped give me something to listen to instead of my own internal chatter. There are tons of free downloads of guided meditation. http://www.dartmouth.edu/~healthed/relax/downloads.html

Also I found Andrew Weil's 4-7-8 breathing technique to be helpful with relaxation. You breathe in for a count of 4, then hold that breath for a count of 7, then breath out for a count of 8. Do it 4 times only, it should help with the physical effects of anxiety, but it also means you're concentrating on your breathing, rather than obsessing about your anxiousness.

It's just a question of finding what works for you.

Have you had any therapy?