GAD she has given up trying to improve.

[RobinW]

My wife has suffered from GAD from when our children were born, 27 years ago, which has got increasingly worse over the years little by little, to the point where I am her full time support. In the last year she started going to a new therapist but stopped making appointments in May this year and shows no signs of starting again, it looks to me that she has given up trying to improve.

Does anyone have any suggestions that I might try to help her start again. Please bear in mind she feels very guilty about her condition and my suggestions are often either evaded, agreed with but excuses are then made or rejected without thinking. Its got to the point where I avoid trying to discuss it with her as it can often end in an argument.

[Lilliput]

It's really difficult for you because you are very close to the situation and a continuous support for her but you can't make it right and now she seems to have given up trying.
Does she have anyone else she can talk to about why she has stopped going to her therapist?
It must be very frustrating for both of you; you want to help, she is sick to death of having this condition and trying to make it better when it doesn't seem to be working.

Perhaps she could be persuaded to post on here, or a similar forum, so she can 'talk' to other people in her position about her condition. I bet if she said she felt 'guilty' most of us would say 'I've been there!'. Being with other people who 'get it' can be helpful and there are loads of different experiences here, someone's is bound to chime with her.

[KK77]

My wife has suffered from GAD from when our children were born, 27 years ago, which has got increasingly worse over the years little by little, to the point where I am her full time support. In the last year she started going to a new therapist but stopped making appointments in May this year and shows no signs of starting again, it looks to me that she has given up trying to improve.

Does anyone have any suggestions that I might try to help her start again. Please bear in mind she feels very guilty about her condition and my suggestions are often either evaded, agreed with but excuses are then made or rejected without thinking. Its got to the point where I avoid trying to discuss it with her as it can often end in an argument.

Very sound advice from Lilliput. Trying to get her to post here and talk about the way she feels and the difficulties she's experiencing might help her understand that she's not alone and certainly not in any way "weak". Some therapists can make the sufferer feel overwhelmed and under pressure to "fix things". Subsequently they can blame themselves, which compounds their problems even more.

There are also a lot of free resources available on NMP - but I feel interaction with other sufferers is what she needs most right now.

[Fishmanpa]

I really feel for ya... My first wife suffered from severe depression which manifested itself into hoarding. A similar thing happened in that she suffered for years and I tried so hard to help to no avail. We finally went to therapy together after our daughter, who was 5 at the time, began to notice something was wrong and asked us "How come you and Mommy don't hug and kiss like other Mommies and Daddies?" The therapist wanted to see us separately and she stopped going after a couple of sessions. I knew it was over at that point.

I wish I had some magic words or technique but I know from experience it has to come from within. She has to have a desire to get well. I agree that perhaps relating to others about her thoughts here may be helpful.

I wish you peace and as always...

Positive thoughts

[RobinW]

Thanks for the replies.
I wish she would be willing to interact with the community, one of her problems is that she wants to keep her GAD problems secret. She suffered for quite a few years before she would admit to me the full extent of the panic attacks and anxiety.
As I have been feeling extra sad about her position and my own for at least a week, we did manage to have a chat about it, which was quite calm, but ended as most of these discussions do that she was waiting for the right time to start trying to improve again. Basically she always manages to come up with an excuse why she shouldn't try.
Example. I say lets go for a short walk, she says on the weather looks like it might be rain. I could list many more.

I need a way of showing her that not trying is not an option. My experience, over many years, is the less she tries the more she becomes restricted by her fears.

[Lilliput]

It would be good if she could understand that joining a forum will just mean she has someone else to talk to and because we understand, she won't feel so alone. She doesn't even need to post, just read what others are saying.

I've spent 50 years with this condition and I wish I had known much much sooner that I was not the only one, that it was not my fault, that I was not useless or mad. For the first 25 years it was a hidden shame. I'm going through a bit of a bad period at the moment but I know it's not always like this.

Will she be angry with you for posting here?

Do you think she would agree just to read a few posts?

[MyNameIsTerry]

Encourage her to read the posts with no commitment to join. Keep the pressure as low as you can and see if finds her way to do it. That first step might let he see she doesn't have to be alone in her head and that we all understand as we live it ourselves.

It's not ideal as goals can easily be avoided in a forum like this but it's a start and it might get her closer to joining a face-to-face support group where there can be more gentle prodding in the right direction fromfellow sufferers.

[braindead]

The shrinks will tell you out of all mental illness the hardest to treat, is anxiety with depression, why i don't no why but its got shrinks baffled . Its good to talk has the members say we are the invisible free therapists .:yesyes:

[RobinW]

Thanks again to all who responded. The encouragement helps