Anxiety affecting relationship

[Rell87]

Hi guys. Im new to this forum so please be gentle. Ive suffered with anxiety/depression for most of my life but lately I feel like its getting worse.
Im constantly plagued with worries that something bad is going to happen to my partner or daughter. If my partner is more than 10 minutes late from work I start getting panicky thinking hes been in an accident or something bad has happened, to the point of having heart palpitations, light headedness and being a crying mess. Every night before I go to sleep I have to go in my daughters room and check shes breathing or else I get panicky that if I dont something bad will happen to her. Its driving me insane being constantly on edge, jumping at every little thing, always worrying something bad is going to happen. Some days I dont want to get out of bed. The thought of leaving the house and going to work makes me so nervous. Theres been times ive sat on the bus trying to fight back tears because ive worked myself up so much. Its like im in a battle with my own mind.
But by far the worst part is the affect it has on my relationship. My partner doesnt understand why I "let" my anxiety affect me. He takes it as an insult to him and our relationship when I get paranoid that hes embarrassed of me or that I get frustrated when he doesnt let me know hes going to be late. I ty to explain I cant help it and I wish I wasnt this way but he doesnt seem to have any empathy. Id give anything to be able to make him understand just how stressful it is being in my head.
I tried citalopram but didnt really feel like it made much difference. I tried meditating a few times but just couldn't concentrate. I know I need to go back to the docs but I get so anxious theyll think im wasting their time or they just wont care. Its so disheartening :weep:

[Tyke]

Hi Rell87

I know just how you feel! It is very hard for some people to understand where we are coming from. When I lived with my parents years ago they really didn't understand me at all. Thankfully my partner does understand as she is a bit anxious herself. However, I still find things hard. She knows I worry when she's late stuck in traffic or whatever, fearing the worst. I often can't face getting up in a morning, but I force myself as I know if I don't things will be even worse.

I can relate to checking on the kids. I used to do this routinely on a night, but that one does ease up when they get older! I'm mega stressed at the moment as we have the builders in and I'm just waiting for them to saw through a water main / gas main/ electrical cable, demolish a critical supporting wall or whatever.

I have been on Setraline before, but at those times I would say I was probably quite depressed as well. It did help with that, but I don't think I'm depressed enough for it at the moment. I drink more than is good for me but I know that isn't the answer either.

Of the things that do work more positively I would say that sharing your feelings with others does help. It's a shame your partner can't really understand you as regards your anxiety, but do you have friends that you can talk to? There are some people who would have absolutely no idea of my anxieties and I just would never tell them as I don't think they'd understand, but some other people are more sensitive. We do live in a time when anxiety issues are generally better understood by society as a whole and I'm not ashamed of it in the way I used to be. Sites such as this offer a great opportunity to share things when you're feeling down and certainly help to feel that you're not fighting anxiety alone.

Some people speak very highly of CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy), though I've not had anything like that myself. You could ask your GP if they offer this or something similar if you thought it might help. There's usually a fair wait for any talking therapies these days, but you might want to give it a go if medication didn't help at all.

Hope things do soon improve for you.

Tyke :)