tired of it all

[josephine]

I am so fed up with yhe continue fight to pretend to be normal. The anxiety and panic is wearing me out and i feel i will never be free of it. Just been to dr to pick up prescription and felt so panicky, just approaching that place makes me feel sick. I dont feel they are on my side, im still embarresed to tell them exactly how anxious i feel. My doc has upped my dose of thyroxine after 10 years and i am so scared i will go overactive with my thyroid, which will make my anxiety a hundred times worse. I am already feeling more shaky and nervy after two weeks of higher dose, not sure if its in my head or not.

Also bp is sky high, but no blood pressure med suits me.

Apart from my husband and mum and dad no one else has any idea how i feel. I feel friends and family would judge me to much. So i just keep up this struggle that i am just as calm and confident as they are. I have all these school functions coming up as my son is starting secondary school soon and i know there is no way on earth i can deal with them. But i have to for him.

I will have to go to doc and see if she can give me something to get me through them but i feel i am just going over old ground again.

Life is so hard anyway, let alone having to deal with this fear as well. I am 38 and wasted so much of my life already. Dont want to be me anymore.

Thanks for listening,

Josephinex

[Lindalou64]

HI JOSEPHINE,
IM SORRY YOUR GOING THROUGH THIS,I COMPLETLEY UNDERSTAND , IS SOME OF YOUR FRIENDS CLOSE TO YOU IF SO I THINK YOU WOULD FEEL BETTER TALKING TO ONE OF THEM,NOTHING BETTER THAN A FRIEND YOU CAN LEAN ON...AND FOR YA SON SCHOOL ACTIVITYS I USE TO DREAD THOSE DAYS BUT I WENT AND BELIEVE IT OR NOT I WAS OK THERE WAS JUST ONE I LOOK BACK NOW THAT I DIDNT ATTEND:weep: MAYBE YOUR DR CAN GIVE YOU A MILD DIAZAPAM OR SOMETHING THAT CALMS YOU, IM TIRED MYSELF BUT KEEP PLUGGING ALONG, WAS DOING WELL JUST IN A SET BACK, BUT I WISH YOU WELL ..........YOU CAN DO THIS..................LINDA X:flowers:

[josephine]

Hi Linda,

Thanku for your response, It really is supportive when you know there is understanding people out there.
I think i will try the doc again, although she seems reluctant to give me valium again.

I hope you get through your setback soon. l

love Josephinex

[matt1981]

One of the basic principles of anxiety is an overestimation of the danger coupled with an underestimation of your coping abilities.

You will probably find that your sons secondary school is no where near as daunting as you think and you will cope much better than you think :)

[josephine]

Thanks Matt,

I know you are right. Only occasionally have things turned out as bad as I thought they would and sometimes I surprise myself how well i do cope.
Just got to stop that nasty nagging voice of anxiety eating away at me.
Thats the hard bit. Over the years my anticipation of things has turned to panic and I cant seem to stop it.

Love Josephinex

[shaz01]

Hey Josephine,

I hope you are doing okay tonight. I am 41 now and I feel my palpitations and anxiety over the last few years have been a nightmare, I have to think before I plan to do things....will I be okay? what if I feel yuk?. I also have a school evening this week and I know I will bang into my sons girlfriend parents which will be nice but although I will try and be confident I will mega blush(as I always do) then I will worry about it...aahh then the heart will jump around. However same as you , we will be fine and we will get through it, to be honest I may be having a confident night and may handle it terrificly. Im like you though my hubby and kids and some friends know when Im having my 'blippy' days however workmates etc think Im a chatty confident person....if only they knew me!!!!!
Stay calm, we will take a deep breath and we will be fine. I got diazepan before off the doc however I couldnt take them as I felt like I was on another planet but you may be different, they are great for other people so if the doc offers you it give it a try.

Shaz x

[josephine]

Hi Shaz,

Thanks for your message. School evenings are the worst. Trying to be the respectable mother when all i want to do is run away screaming. As i have told you before, I too suffer from blushing and that is by far the worst symptom of my anxiety as it is the most obvious. I can try to hide all the others.

I am going back to my doctor to see if she can give me something to see me over the next few months.( a ticket to a deserted island would be nice!)

I hope your school function goes well this week and you are have an extra confident night and sail through it!

Let me know how it goes.

Love Josephinex:blush:

[shaz01]

Hi Josephine,

Well I had a good night at the school, we got seats at the back of the hall and I was fine, I didnt get a chat with this other couple though as they were out a while after us and I was away by then, therefore I didnt have to worry about going red when I spoke to them.

I hope you are doing okay this week. My work week has been a nightmare, really busy and as well as worying about the red face the blinking palpitations kicked in...aagghh, roll on the weekend or the lottery win LOL.

Take care,

Shaz x

[josephine]

Hi Shaz,

Glad to hear your evening went well. Its usually never as bad as we anticipate, i suppose.
Sorry to hear your having a hard week at work. At least its weekend tomorrow, hooray!
Take care

Josephine.x:blush:

[bubbleblitt]

Hi Josephine, I'm sorry to hear about this.Maybe if you told a good friend about your anxiety that might help rather than having to keep putting on a brave face all the time.Who knows-maybe your friends feel the same way and they are just too scared to discuss it too? Sounds like you are still making a huge effort though and going along to these events-well done for beating the fear. Don't worry about the blushing-if I met someone who blushed I would be relieved and think thanks goodness there is someone else like me - a bit nervous too! Good luck and let us know how you get on, Bubble

[joy]

josehine

have you tried the anti-depressants front,or therapy. Does your doc just give you valium without trying anything else. anti-depressants work well for loads of people.Also you should ask to be referred to a physcologist maybe

Love joy

[josephine]

Thanks Bubble and Joy,

Bubble, I only have a small number of friends and really they are just casual friends. But I do have one close friend. She knows of my anxiety, just not the degree i get it. She quite a calm and confident person and although she is a great listener, i know she would not beable to understand hoow bad i can feel.

I have my husband and parents who understand, to a degree. I dont tell them everything though. Although if i need to talk and my husband is in a listening mood, then i do talk to him.

Joy, i have never been offered anti deppressents. Beta Blockers are the ony thing i have tried. I take propanolol when i need it. Not sure if it works. Maybe i have to take more than one every two weeks! I hate them. Atenolol helps me but makes me feel like poo. I have had valium, which took the edge off but my doc wont give them anymore. I would be terrified of taking anti deppressents. They seem so long term. I have read alot about them on here and i suppose i have concentrated on the negative side of them. So many side effects, it seems. I hate medication. I wish i could just use a sedative all the time which would just chill me out.My mum has these tablets for her back pain and they contain opiates and she says they make her feel great.Great side effects, Huh! Wish i could have those!!!!

Anyway, i hope you are both doing well today.

Love Josephinex

PS. I am seeing a psychololgist in July. See how that goes. Although i feel stupid talking about myself to strangers. They are paid to listen. Weird.

[dee22]

i know just how you feel!
anytime you need to talk im right here to listen!

I am 20 years old and these are suppost to be the best years of my life. i should be partying and going out and all that but im stuck at home because everytime i go to go out i ethier feel like im going to throw up or i start getting real dizzy.

No one understands how i feel ethier. I hide it the best i can. Sometimes when im out i have to make excuses that i forgot to do something just so i can leave.

I break down somedays just watching people out my window living normal anxiety free lives and wonder why i cant be like that!
so your not alone! everyone on this site knows how your feeling!

I hope you'll feel better! if you ever wanna chat pm me

[josephine]

Hi Dee,

Thanks for your reply. It really does help, knowing that we are not alone in this. Anxiety is one of the most loneliest conditions. I am constantly trying to be normal, to fit in, when inside i couldnt feel more different.

Like you, i have learned to get myself out of situations or make up excuses so i can get away. It is a draining way to live, but there is no other choice.

Only this morning, itook my son to school, and i got very shaky. I dont think anyone noticed as i just got on with it, but by the time i got home i was exhausted from trying to hide it.

I hope this site helps you. It has helped me by giving me more self esteem. I have learned that just because i suffer from anxiety, that does not make me any less of a person. Infact it makes me a stronger one in having to deal with this as well as everything else life throws at me.

I am sorry you are suffering like this at such a young age but if you ever need to talk feel free to pm me also.

Love Josephinex