Anxiety about my partner not replying to messages

[violetdreams13]

I'm feeling quite upset at the moment, and just wanted to check if anyone else has ever got really anxious, annoyed or distressed about their partner not replying to text messages.

At the start of our relationship (we've been together a year and two months), my partner was absolutely sh*te at responding to texts. It nearly made me give up on the whole thing, because I thought that he just didn't care or think about me at all! Over the months I learned that he's just one of those people who isn't glued to his phone, and sees texting as pointless unless there's a real reason for it e.g. making plans.

Things have got better since then, and usually I can now be sure that he'll reply if I message him. However, yesterday and today, it's been a problem. My partner has been ill and off work- nothing major, just a virus. Obviously, I've been worried about him, especially since he's never usually ill, and checking up on him. It's not been excessive- just a message when I'm on my lunch break to check he's okay. Yesterday, he read it and didn't reply, and I got really worried. He was fine- he'd just kind of not done it then gone to sleep. However, he did apologise because he knows that kind of thing causes me anxiety, and said that he won't do it again.

He's done it again this morning.

I messaged him to check if he's okay and coming into work- he read it, but I got nothing back. Tried to call him on my break- his phone's off. I know he likes to do that sometimes when he's charging it, or to give the phone a battery break, but I'm annoyed he'd do it now when he knows I'm going to be contacting him to check he's okay. I've got myself all angry and upset about it, with loads of extremely anxious thoughts like "he doesn't care about me", "he doesn't mind upsetting me" etc.

Am I justified to be feeling like this? Has anyone else experienced this kind of anxiety? Or am I just a stereotypical crazy girlfriend? :weep:

[Fishmanpa]

I'm old school. Heck, I didn't even have a smart phone until last year. I never liked texting... still don't. I like to hear a voice on the other end of the line. I don't even have my email set up on the phone. If I can't go an hour without checking my email or social media, there's something wrong with me. Texting is fine for a quick message like pick up milk on the way home but I find that today's society are obsessed with it.

I played a gig last night and there was a family eating dinner when I got there. All four of them had their phones out and were playing away on them and not even looking or speaking with each other... :(

IMO, old school as it is, yes, you're being unreasonable and over-anxious about this. Cut the guy a break ;)

Positive thoughts

[braindead]

I'm feeling quite upset at the moment, and just wanted to check if anyone else has ever got really anxious, annoyed or distressed about their partner not replying to text messages.

At the start of our relationship (we've been together a year and two months), my partner was absolutely sh*te at responding to texts. It nearly made me give up on the whole thing, because I thought that he just didn't care or think about me at all! Over the months I learned that he's just one of those people who isn't glued to his phone, and sees texting as pointless unless there's a real reason for it e.g. making plans.

Things have got better since then, and usually I can now be sure that he'll reply if I message him. However, yesterday and today, it's been a problem. My partner has been ill and off work- nothing major, just a virus. Obviously, I've been worried about him, especially since he's never usually ill, and checking up on him. It's not been excessive- just a message when I'm on my lunch break to check he's okay. Yesterday, he read it and didn't reply, and I got really worried. He was fine- he'd just kind of not done it then gone to sleep. However, he did apologise because he knows that kind of thing causes me anxiety, and said that he won't do it again.

He's done it again this morning.

I messaged him to check if he's okay and coming into work- he read it, but I got nothing back. Tried to call him on my break- his phone's off. I know he likes to do that sometimes when he's charging it, or to give the phone a battery break, but I'm annoyed he'd do it now when he knows I'm going to be contacting him to check he's okay. I've got myself all angry and upset about it, with loads of extremely anxious thoughts like "he doesn't care about me", "he doesn't mind upsetting me" etc.

Am I justified to be feeling like this? Has anyone else experienced this kind of anxiety? Or am I just a stereotypical crazy girlfriend? :weep: You haven't got anxiety you are a crazy girlfriend, guys dont want that shit all day and night, hold back the texts or you will be dumped :wacko:

[violetdreams13]

I'm old school. Heck, I didn't even have a smart phone until last year. I never liked texting... still don't. I like to hear a voice on the other end of the line. I don't even have my email set up on the phone. If I can't go an hour without checking my email or social media, there's something wrong with me. Texting is fine for a quick message like pick up milk on the way home but I find that today's society are obsessed with it.

I played a gig last night and there was a family eating dinner when I got there. All four of them had their phones out and were playing away on them and not even looking or speaking with each other... :(

IMO, old school as it is, yes, you're being unreasonable and over-anxious about this. Cut the guy a break ;)

Positive thoughtsOkay, good to get an honest perspective! I will do! Thanks :)

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---------- Post added at 13:02 ---------- Previous post was at 13:01 ----------


You haven't got anxiety you are a crazy girlfriend, guys dont want that shit all day and night, hold back the texts or you will be dumped :wacko:I mean, I definitely DO have clinical anxiety, but whatever. I take your point.

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[KK77]

I don't think you sound obsessive to me but when you say that he may not "care" about you or mind upsetting you, you go from worrying about him to focusing on yourself. Of course there is nothing wrong with being upset and expressing that but it sounds to me like this is principally about your own insecurity.

Keeping in touch and letting you know he is OK is part of being in a relationship, and he needs to respect that too. But if he's safe at home with a mild illness, you shouldn't worry about him as he's a grown man. It's finding a balance really.

All the best.

[Honeybun95]

You are 'crazy', but you know you are. You know that how you're feeling is silly and that he does love you and wants to be with you despite him not replying. I am the exact same as you with my boyfriend. You just need to learn to calm yourself down in those situations and maybe put your phone on silent or airplane mode so you're not constantly checking to see if he has replied. I know its difficult, but try to chill, it will be for the best!

[Catherine S]

If I get a text message from a member of my family, I usually if possible answer them in that moment. My husband however, can get texts from members of his family, read them and then ignore them. If i'm in the room when he gets a text he'll read it out to me then put his phone down and walk off. I ask him to be polite and answer, but he asks why? He says it's not necessary to reply. It does drive me mad.

Today for example, his sister sent him a text telling him she'd got back from her holiday and would call us later in the day for a chat. Him? Nothing. I had to make him reply to her just to say ' glad you got back ok and yes will speak to you later'. He's always been like that, but he knows better than to ignore any texts I send him, because the ear bending he gets when I see him far outweighs the time it takes to reply :lac::D

Cath S