sethslc
21-09-17, 19:37
So I don't have GAD, but my partner did. We were together almost 2 years and she told me from the beginning that she had really bad anxiety. During the relationship she got diagnosed finally with GAD. She tried some meds but didn't stick to them. She's been seeing a great therapist for a couple months now.
In the beginning there were only a few breakdowns because of school related stress and panic. She never had a breakdown due to me or us (that I ever saw). From all signs she was healthy and normal on the outside. I suspect that she kept everything inside. She would ask me a lot if I was happy. If I loved her. I told her I was happy as I could possibly be, and meant it. I reassured her I'd only ever leave her if she cheated. She agreed.
We never fought. We had no problems in the relationship. We were best friends and always together and happy. A couple weeks back though I brought up the subject of if she could see this being a "long term" forever type relationship. I think to calm my own insecurities about breaking up since I was in love with her. At first she hesitated but then said yes. She told me she has comittment issues and anxiety about it.
Because I never saw many signs of her anxiety when we were together I ended up forgetting its a daily battle for her. I forgot that it could physically make her tired. I think she felt like she always had to have energy to make me happy. She works a lot and school a lot. Then we're together every other minute of the day. Usually at nights, so she would be tired but felt she needed to be "on".
Well last Friday we were together all night. Bar, arcade, and lots of talking and laughing. The topic of marriage was brought up again, by me, and this time she seemed fine with it on the surface. Even describing possible things to do with it. It never dawned on me that this might panic her. Especially because she graduates in a year from college and is unsure what she wants to do with her life.
So Sunday she asked if she could come talk. She sat down, and I knew. I said "you want to breakup". She started sobbing and nodded. She said she needed a break, and time to work on herself and her anxiety. She said her heart and head were telling her 2 different things. That her head said she loved me, but her heart didn't. That she didn't know what she was going to do with her life.
I thought this might have to do with freaking her out over the comittment talk. I told her this and said it was just talk and nothing was ever impending. She nodded. I said you don't have to run away to deal with this. She said its what she does best. I sighed, smiled, wiped her tears and told her it would be alright.
We work together (in the same building not departments). The next day I sent her a message saying I was sorry for being a stress trigger for her. That I had forgotten she lives with this daily. I told her that I said I would never leave her, and that I was still there. That I loved here and was there if / when she wanted to talk.
She thanked me. Said she loved me deeply. Would always love me. But that she needed space to figure out why she gets anxious over every little thing. That I would never know how grateful she was for everything I had done and taught her. That she was sorry for inflicting her anxiety on me. I responded that I never felt like she did that...rather that she never let me help. She said thats just one more insecurity of hers then.
That was the last I've spoken with her. I have seen her around work and smiled at her. She smiles back but it just looks so sad and she doesn't hold much eye contact.
I guess my question is this...what should I do? I still love her. I "think"?? she still loves me. But I don't know if she really did just freak out or if she just didn't want to be together cause she's not interested anymore. I find it difficult to grasp that there were zero problems at all and we were extremely happy right up through the last conversation Friday night and afterwards.... So I came here hoping for perspective from others who actually share what she has.
Thank you if you took the time to read and respond to this.
Seth
In the beginning there were only a few breakdowns because of school related stress and panic. She never had a breakdown due to me or us (that I ever saw). From all signs she was healthy and normal on the outside. I suspect that she kept everything inside. She would ask me a lot if I was happy. If I loved her. I told her I was happy as I could possibly be, and meant it. I reassured her I'd only ever leave her if she cheated. She agreed.
We never fought. We had no problems in the relationship. We were best friends and always together and happy. A couple weeks back though I brought up the subject of if she could see this being a "long term" forever type relationship. I think to calm my own insecurities about breaking up since I was in love with her. At first she hesitated but then said yes. She told me she has comittment issues and anxiety about it.
Because I never saw many signs of her anxiety when we were together I ended up forgetting its a daily battle for her. I forgot that it could physically make her tired. I think she felt like she always had to have energy to make me happy. She works a lot and school a lot. Then we're together every other minute of the day. Usually at nights, so she would be tired but felt she needed to be "on".
Well last Friday we were together all night. Bar, arcade, and lots of talking and laughing. The topic of marriage was brought up again, by me, and this time she seemed fine with it on the surface. Even describing possible things to do with it. It never dawned on me that this might panic her. Especially because she graduates in a year from college and is unsure what she wants to do with her life.
So Sunday she asked if she could come talk. She sat down, and I knew. I said "you want to breakup". She started sobbing and nodded. She said she needed a break, and time to work on herself and her anxiety. She said her heart and head were telling her 2 different things. That her head said she loved me, but her heart didn't. That she didn't know what she was going to do with her life.
I thought this might have to do with freaking her out over the comittment talk. I told her this and said it was just talk and nothing was ever impending. She nodded. I said you don't have to run away to deal with this. She said its what she does best. I sighed, smiled, wiped her tears and told her it would be alright.
We work together (in the same building not departments). The next day I sent her a message saying I was sorry for being a stress trigger for her. That I had forgotten she lives with this daily. I told her that I said I would never leave her, and that I was still there. That I loved here and was there if / when she wanted to talk.
She thanked me. Said she loved me deeply. Would always love me. But that she needed space to figure out why she gets anxious over every little thing. That I would never know how grateful she was for everything I had done and taught her. That she was sorry for inflicting her anxiety on me. I responded that I never felt like she did that...rather that she never let me help. She said thats just one more insecurity of hers then.
That was the last I've spoken with her. I have seen her around work and smiled at her. She smiles back but it just looks so sad and she doesn't hold much eye contact.
I guess my question is this...what should I do? I still love her. I "think"?? she still loves me. But I don't know if she really did just freak out or if she just didn't want to be together cause she's not interested anymore. I find it difficult to grasp that there were zero problems at all and we were extremely happy right up through the last conversation Friday night and afterwards.... So I came here hoping for perspective from others who actually share what she has.
Thank you if you took the time to read and respond to this.
Seth