(TRIGGER WARNING) Fearing nothing is real

[Valentine0909]

Hi everyone. I've been expericieng solipsism OCD where I'm convinced that nothing outside of my subconscious mind is real. I didn't even know it was a philosophical theory called "solipsism" anyways the thoughts kind of started with my boyfriend. I was sitting there admiring him and suddenly I had weird thought "what if he's not even real?" And bam that's where it all began. I also have depersonalization so I recognize it could be the reason I feel so strongly about it. Anyways i guess Im just reaching out to see if anyone else has felt this way and if so how did you recover. I'm so close to just driving myself to a mental hospital because I know how crazy I sound. Also I've been seeing things relating to this twisted obsession all over me. Someone on my Facebook shared an article about it, someone who doesn't even know I'm going through this. I FREAKED out! How could that be a simple conincidence? I see some people have recovered within months and others go years without recovering. Perhaps being on these formula will not help my recovery?

[AngeAgain]

I'm going through this exact thing atm. I sympathise. What's odd is that I've always been interested in the big questions. The "What if's". Now suddenly they're causing panic attacks when I think about them. In fact I actually did go to A&E when it first started.

I've had the "What if my bf isn't real" thing too, as well as tons of other "crazy" thoughts. It's part of the depersonalisation thing. I think mine has become an OCD too. I wouldn't say it's solipsism alone. It's more that my brain is constantly thinking "Something isn't right" so it's questioning everything and attributing fear to it because of the anxiety.

I've found some helpful posts on here. http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?p=1062994

These feelings seem to be quite common with panic disorder. I told my GP about it and she says it's not a sign I'm losing my mind, which is what I feared most. Even so. It's difficult to deal with. You're not alone at least :)

[Valentine0909]

Thank you for responding. Something about talking to others who experience the same is SO comforting. How do you cope? Do you have moments of clarity? I have moments where I'm at peace and I cling on to these moments when I'm going through the dark moments

[sadtimes]

I get that quite often. I remember the first ever obsession that I had as a young child, was that I was terrified of reality. What was reality? Is this all a dream? I always worried that I was actually in a coma. I had a lot of existential dread as a child.
I've heard the quote "You can doubt everything apart from your own consciousness" and that ****ed me up I have to say.
The other day my boyfriend was looking for something and I told him to open my bag, to which he produced a small box that I distinctly remember throwing away, my reality was shook and I spent the whole day with derealisation walking around busy central London. So I really understand.
All I can say is...does it really matter? I know I exist, so that's enough. My life isn't going to be any different. A cup of tea and some cake will still make me feel warm and happy, my friends will still make me laugh, my family will still love me, my life will progress and change, my body will grow older. There's really no point in worrying.

I believe that there is so much to the universe that we don't know about, that there is more to reality than is known. I can't tell you whether reality is what we all think it is, but I can tell you that you definitely exist.

[AngeAgain]

Ok so what has really helped me so far is chatting with people I trust about the things I'm thinking. Being around people, even if it's just at the shops. And this website: http://cbt4panic.org/ Check out the therapy dialogues. The website owner has been through the same existential fears that we all have. I spent 3 hours on there a few days ago and had the best day in years yesterday. My anxiety is raising again today but that being said I have more understanding and hope that I will get control again :)

If you want to chat about this at all just DM me :)

[Juustopallo]

I've realized that ocd obsessions are not questions you want answers to, they are thoughts you would never want to think. But if you keep looking for answers or solutions, you'll be stuck in that loop as long as you keep searching. I had this solipsism obsession too but got out of it since I realized it was just abother theme of my OCD. Accept the thoughts and images in your head while doing the things you love. You might feel that sitting home worrying about that thought will solve it one day but it won't. You can't think your way out of it that's for sure. Go out, meet people, do all kinds of nice things every day! You can do this even in an unreal world. The things that make you healthy are still the same. Obsessing and engaging in compulsive behaviors are not healthy. You'll soon find out you've created some distance to that thought. It starts to feel funny, not a threat at all. It doesn't stop you from doing the things that you value. It's not dangerous to feel like you do. It's a natural reaction to engaging in compulsions trying to escape or solve the thought.