HIV scare

[Dave_Lister]

Hi Everyone,

I am at a loss.

I was away on business and some lads and I went to a strip club and I got very drunk. I am missing some recall, and i am not sure if I had a lap dance or not. I remember telling a dancer who wanted a dance that I was married and I said no, and I do not do this kind of stuff frequently. It was a bunch guys on business being idiots.

I just cannot shake this feeling that something could have happened ie: some kind of sexual activity because I was really drunk.

The guys I was with said I didn't do anything to worry about, but I am so scared and am thinking about going to get testing for HIV and stds.

I am 99% certain I didn't do anything, and I didn't spend a lot of money, so I don't think I could have afforded any other activities.

Any advice would be appreciated.

[ServerError]

I'm no expert on this (honestly!), but as far as I know, the vast majority of girls at a strip club would never engage in the kind of activity that could result in an STD being passed. The girls who work there are NOT prostitutes and they aren't going to risk unprotected sex with any drunken guy who waltzed in off the street (and nor would most actual prostitutes).

So, essentially, you'd have to have found the one stripper in Canada who goes all the way for a bit of extra cash, also has HIV, and doesn't take precautions - all while you're too drunk to know what's going on.

The way I see it, your options are to go and get tested, or accept that the idea you walked out of their with HIV is fanciful to say the least.

Hope this helps.

[Dave_Lister]

Thanks Server, I needed someone's advice.

This was a stupid mistake. I don't like going to these places. My judgement was not good at all, and not having full memory of what happened makes me nervous because I would not want to hurt my wife(and yes, I know going to one of these places did just that and i feel horrible about it).

I like your advice, and it is logical, but my mind keeps nagging me because like I said, I do not want anything to hurt my wife.

[ServerError]

Seems like your concern about hurting your wife is perhaps manifesting as a fear of having contracted something you could pass on to her. Or maybe you just feel like you "deserve" some kind of terrible repercussion.

I don't judge you for going to a strip club. Individual couples draw their own lines about what constitutes right and wrong. I've known friends whose girlfriends weren't too bothered if their boyfriend went to strip clubs. I've also personally dated girls who freaked out if they thought a girl on the street caught my eye (even if she didn't). It's between you two as to whether you've done anything wrong or not. All I would say is that you never have to give in to peer pressure. There is always an option. If you don't want to go to strip clubs, don't do it. Nobody can force you.

You'll be physically fine, though.

[Dave_Lister]

Thanks.

I think I know it deep down that I'm fine, but it's hard to let go of.

[Becazican]

there is no way you did anything at that club that could of put you at risk , besides the fact just a lap dance cost 20 bucks at least could you imagine what getting laid would of costed you. and that is the only way you can get it, unsafe screwing.

[Dave_Lister]

Thanks man,

They were 20 bucks and i only had 80 in cash and I think i bought a couple of round, and then I had top go to the bar the rest of the time to use credit or debit card for drinks.

I was just too drunk, and my memory is foggy, but I do remember telling a girl that I couldn't dance with her because I was married.

I have read of girls giving extra stuff and I am worried I was one of them.

I cannot be sure if a girl told me to raise my arms at one point for some reason. I don;t even know how I made to my hiotel room. This has been a wakeup call for me though.

[ServerError]

Again, no expert, but they won't do any "extras" that leave their health at risk.

Perhaps try to imagine if I was the one with the worry here. How would you react to the idea of me going to a strip club and leaving with HIV? The degree of recklessness required is just too much.

[Fishmanpa]

With respect and IMO.... This is more about being married, going to a strip club and more than likely having a tush or titty that wasn't your wife's in your face and hands. I don't suppose you've shared your evening out with your wife?

As SE said, they're not going to do something that jeopardizes their livelihood.

Hope you feel better soon...

Positive thoughts

[MyNameIsTerry]

I was just too drunk, and my memory is foggy, but I do remember telling a girl that I couldn't dance with her because I was married.

I have read of girls giving extra stuff and I am worried I was one of them.

I cannot be sure if a girl told me to raise my arms at one point for some reason. I don;t even know how I made to my hiotel room. This has been a wakeup call for me though.

Of course any club may have prostitutes working there, whether the management know & encourage it or not, and sex workers may contract things but it is very much in their interest to keep themselves safe. You will likely never know if the place was dodgy but this is a case of anxiety planting "what ifs" in your mind because whilst you can't prove you didn't, you also can't prove you did - the classic anxiety doubt door opening.

What makes you say you can't remember if she asked you to raise your arms? What is the significance of this? Even if she did, it may be to give you a closer dance anyway.

It's a case of regret. I think SE is right, you are more worried about your wife than contracting something that could harm you. This may fade as you get back to normal life, like any triggering event does.

It does depend on your wife, how would she feel about you going to a strip club? Women who have issues with this tend to be quite vocal about women acting other than what they agree with. Women are more liberal tend to care less. I have a feeling you would know which your wife is as these feelings tend to pop out about other things whether it's TV, the news, what men say about women, her friends, you looking at another woman, etc.

Beware equating going to a strip club with cheating. Men look at women, women look at men. We all have thoughts about people, it means nothing. It's not like we evolved to do otherwise so we can't change that element, it's our morals & beliefs that temper it.

[Dave_Lister]

Thanks Terry,

The memory of the raising my arms isn't even certain. I don't know if I am imagining it or not, or if it was someone at my hotel helping to my room? I am not sure it is real or a figment of my imagination.

I know that it happened in the early morning of last Friday, and when I woke up on Friday I went through my whole day not even worried about it because I was looking for my cell phone that i had lost in the hotel(yes this was a disaster of an evening) although I did have an itchy penis in the morning for a minute(TMI I know, and an std doesn't work that fast.).

It wasn't until Saturday morning while I had a lot of time on my hands to think about stuff and I had the thought come in my head "what if you did something?" And this is what sent me down the rabbit hole ruminating on this. I only spent around$160 on drinks 80 in cash and about 80 in debit/credit. So that would have left me 80 to have 20 dollar lap dances that I do not remember, and I doubt a stripper would give me any extras for 40-60 or free correct?

[ServerError]

I think the time has come to stop asking questions, to be honest. Please understand I'm not saying you should stop seeking support. I'm not trying to be unkind to you in any way, shape or form. What I'm saying is that, if you keep asking these questions, you'll just keep the cycle going. I'm sure you recognise the cycle.

None of us has any more information than you on what happened that night. All we can do is provide you with the rational explanation as to why you won't have contracted an STD. Remind yourself that strippers value their health too. Whatever you think of stripping, for many of the girls who do it, it is their livelihood. Most will have at least some degree of a professional attitude. They are not looking to expose themselves or you to any danger. The idea that you'd meet a stripper so reckless that she'd happily risk intercourse unprotected with a client for a few extra cash is so far-fetched.

I think the time has come to start putting this episode to bed, because you can't change the fact that it happened. You can definitely change whether or not it affects your life, though.

[Becazican]

i know a lot of strippers and they are there for the money, no freebies, stop worrying. besides even if your arms were up in the air what do you think could of happened. itchy penis next day is nothing to worry about. i think this is all about guilt.

[Dave_Lister]

i know a lot of strippers and they are there for the money, no freebies, stop worrying. besides even if your arms were up in the air what do you think could of happened. itchy penis next day is nothing to worry about. i think this is all about guilt.

The arms in the air was a foggy memory, and I do not know if it was in the club with a stripper or at= my hotel with someone helping me to my room.

I know I turned down a dance from a stripper, and was only talking to another one.

The guy I as with said he saw me all night and that i didn't do anything. Its the lack of recall that I am struggling with.

I want to thank all of you guys though.

This site is almost like a family, and I am grateful.

[MyNameIsTerry]

Thanks Terry,

The memory of the raising my arms isn't even certain. I don't know if I am imagining it or not, or if it was someone at my hotel helping to my room? I am not sure it is real or a figment of my imagination.

I know that it happened in the early morning of last Friday, and when I woke up on Friday I went through my whole day not even worried about it because I was looking for my cell phone that i had lost in the hotel(yes this was a disaster of an evening) although I did have an itchy penis in the morning for a minute(TMI I know, and an std doesn't work that fast.).

It wasn't until Saturday morning while I had a lot of time on my hands to think about stuff and I had the thought come in my head "what if you did something?" And this is what sent me down the rabbit hole ruminating on this. I only spent around$160 on drinks 80 in cash and about 80 in debit/credit. So that would have left me 80 to have 20 dollar lap dances that I do not remember, and I doubt a stripper would give me any extras for 40-60 or free correct?

If a stripper was also a prostitute and she helped a man so drunk he would probably be no use to her anyway to his room I suspect you have found yourself robbed the next day. There would certainly be no stripper taking you home if she wasn't a prostitute. Happened to a work mate of mine once, she even stole his size BFG shoes :roflmao:(we made him walk around in some slippers we bought him from a shop...the good old days of lads work outings! :yesyes:)

It's probably the mind playing some tricks there. And given everything is fine, money intact, etc, then I would write it off as perhaps intrusive thought rather than real memory?

Anyway, it could have been one of those blokes you were with or even hotel staff.