Don't beat yourself up over it ....

[nomorepanic]

I have been doing really well with the driving and the panic/anxiety but it still tried to get me again today.

When I went to the conference with Meg 2 weekends ago I had to cross the bridge on the M6 on the way back and it really knocked me for 6 cos I didn't know it was there and there was no hard shoulder to stop on.

I felt really panicky and faint and had to call Alex to calm me down.

Once I have an episode like this it usually takes me a day to get over it then I am back to normal.

However, I found out that I have to go to Wales again and for those that didn't see my post about it then check out ... A Bridge too Far (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=1788)

I think this has been playing on my mind for 2 reasons:

1) There is a tunnel to go through that I avoided last time cos it has no hard shoulder and I do want to get over the Severn bridge again.
But! I don't want to put myself through it, cos it was very hard!

2) If I go the other way to Wales and avoid the tunnel and bridge then I am letting myself down cos I am giving in to it again.

Anyway, tonight driving home I hit roadworks in Luton and I have been driving through these most days since they were put in in September. Today, however I got to the single lane bit and could feel the panic building up. I was trying to do the breathing but failing cos once again it took me by surprise and I was feeling faint.

I carried on driving home but the anxiety was building and I just wanted to get off the A1 and be at home!

So, I did just that. I pulled off and came the back route. This in theory was a far worse road to be on than the A1 but cos of my many panics on the A1 I had to get off.

So I was upset and angry at myself cos I feel that I have failed.

But, have I? I sat here tonight nearly in tears and analysed things.

I am very tired, I am still a little shaken over the M6 drive home and I have to go to Wales again and I know that is playing on my mind.

I have done that drive to work for over 5 years and I still do it every day so I wouldn't call that avoiding. Just cos I had one bad night driving home and came off it, I am not a failure.

I will be back on there Monday night and I will do the roadworks.

I think I am too hard on myself sometimes and see things as failing when in fact they aren't failing completely they are just "blips" and there is nothing wrong with having a bad day driving and avoiding roads that make me panicky.

Anyway enough rambling, I just wanted to share this with you and hope that you can get some support from it.

Just cos you have a bad day and avoid something you are not FAILING and you are not going back to all those previous problems. Even non-panickers have off days too and this was one of those for me.

The trick now is to get back on the same road and do it again and keep doing it.

Thanks for listening to my ramble - I feel better now I have written it all down.:)



Nicola

[Karen]

Hi Nic

I think you are absolutely right - you haven't failed and this was just a blip probably caused because of the worry over driving to Wales and tiredness. As you have said, you don't avoid the A1 or the roadworks and will be doing them again on Monday, so it isn't really avoidance. Everyone has their off days, even people without anxiety and panic. I think it is just that we are much harder on ourselves when something like this happens.

I hope you are feeling better and can have a relaxing evening.



Karen



It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.

[kate]

Hi Nic,

You are so completely right with what you say.

Us panickers seem to be perfectionists. Anything that we feel that we didn't do absolutely right and perfectly, makes us feel that we have completely and utterly failed at it.

Non panickers would just avoid doing something they didn't like and not think anything of it. But not us ! [:I]

We have to beat ourselves up over it and analize it all and then analize it again!

We all need to remind ourselves that we are only human and that we should be a little kinder to ourselves! [^]

Thanks for reminding us of that fact, Nic [8D]

Luv Kate xxx

[davebrum]

hi nic
im sorry to hear yo are going through a rough time at the moment - i can fully appreciate your feelings but agree with the others - that you are being hard on yourself. so ill send you a special
HUG
and hope you are feeling better soon
xx david

[tara]

Hi Nic, hey we all get times like this hun. One day we can do things fine the next day it's a huge mountain!!

We all do the "hard on ourselves" thing too, i do it all the time, I think it's a lot to do with being angry with ourselves, I get real cheesed off if i feel i can't do the same thing as i done last week or the week before!!

Just take it easy now and try not to worry about this in advance nic, this all adds to our anxiety.

Take care nic Tara xxx

[seh1980]

hi Nic,

You are so right - you haven't failed as you will be back on that road on Monday and succeed I'm sure. We all get times that we feel that we can't do something and then the next day we do it no problem and think "What was wrong with me yesterday?" I have been there many times myself. Like you say, don't be too hard on yourself!!

Sarah :D

[jill]

Hi Nic

Sooooo sad:(to here you have had a bad day.
You are always right in what you say[^]

Hope you are feeling better soon.

TAKE CARE

LOVE JILLXXX


"Believe in yourself. You gain strenght
courrage and cofidence by every
experience in which you stop to look
fear in the face.
You must do that which you think you
cannot do.

[lainey]

Hi Nic

What you have said is so true!

If you want me to escort you over the Severn Bridge, as long as it's a day when I'm not working I will do it, bear that in mind and try not to worry.

Take care

Elaine x

[sarah]

Hi Nic

You are right, you havent failed!!! Failure would be avoiding the A1 everyday for the last 5 years and I know its not a pleasant journey having done it many times myself (pre-panic..lol)
A blip is all it was and seeing as you are intent on doing it on monday, thats a good enough statement for me hon.
I know you arent a quitter so just keep on as you have been and you will be fine.
Maybe you hadnt eaten the right things or slept enough the night before? Maybe its the wales trip playing on your mind?
Whatever it is, it will go out of your mind soon and you will be fine.

Take care hon
Love Sarah
xx

[pips]

Hi Nic,

Sorry you had a bad day hun!

What you say is so true though you definately haven't failed. You wouldn't even be on the road in the first place else hey! You do so well for driving. I have tried but didn't even get to my test as driving really freaks me out esp roundabouts. The old tv programme The magic one with zebedy etc... is the one one I can handle lol!

So don't beat youeself up as you say! You do so well. I believe sometimes the blips help us though. As if you go for ages with out one it makes it seem 10 times worse when you do have one. Plus you might get over confident that all is well. Don't think that will ever happen to me somehow. To many Blip days for that! If you ever need support just call me and I will do my best to help you.

Take Care & You Go Girl! You can do it!

Love PIP'S XX XX

[sal]

Hi Nic

A set back like that isnt a failure at all. We all have days where we arent feeling as strong as the day before and sometimes issues occur that we just cant face. I dont think you can call it avoidance as you have been doing it everyday, but along came a day when you couldnt face it and took sensible action and didnt put yourself through the stress you didnt need.

I know you will go back and do it again and no doubt it will be second nature to you how it has been all the while.

We all have our blips and we wouldnt be human if we didnt.

You did great last time you went to Wales, although on the way there you struggled you still pushed yourself on the way back, that is no way a failure but someone who is prepared to give it a go at whatever cost.

Dont be so hard on yourself, you always tell me that, so now its my turn to preach to you!!!!

Think of the positives and how you have driven day in and out to work and never faultered, one bad day counts for nothing.



Love Sal xxxxx

[Merlinssister]

Well done, Nic, for coping so well. You are right. We are not failures if we don't do as well some days, as others, something I'm trying to remind myself of today.

[nomorepanic]

Hi all

Many thanks for all the well wishes and support/encouragement - it means a lot to me.:)

It is a lot about perfectionism and hating to fail but it was also about "How can I still get these horrid panicky feelings 11 years on."

It takes me by surprise and makes me realise that I am not 'cured' yet even though I am doing so well.

Last night I was knocked out so didn't come on-line but watched some TV and chilled out.

Today I went down the A1 (partway to Luton) and back up again and no probs atall [:P] I know I can do it just need to learn how to manage the panic when it comes and try breathing lol.

I am trying not to think about going to Wales for the time being. It is not just the drive there but I don't really want to spend 2 nights alone in a hotel either! Oh well - we will cross that bridge when we come to it (joke there lol).

Thanks again all and I appreciate all the words of support.

xx

Nicola

[pips]

Well done Nic! For today You did good!

Take care

Love PIP'S XXXX

[Sue]

Definately not a failure! You just had a bad day.

If you were avoiding, surely you would not even be considering going over the bridge!? i think you are really brave, I still cant cope with traffic jams/motorways/bridges/slip roads etc etc!!

Already you have been back on the A1 so well done and good luck with the bridge.



Sue

[nomorepanic]

Thanks Pips - I appreciate your support a lot. Hope you are doing ok.


Sue - I hate bad days lol. Just can't seem to control it when it happens and I know what to do but it all happens so quickly and when driving it scares you cos you are in control of something that isn't easy to just stop in.

I am considering the bridge cos I hate defeat but I have to stop working myself up over it cos I am only making it worse.

I am still working at it each day but I am only human too and we all suffer knock-backs at some point. It is what you do now that matters I guess.

I think half my problems stem from being such a perfectionist in all I do and not failing at anything before. This challenge is sent to test me lol.

I guess part of me just wanted to let you "guys" know that I am human too and still suffer and I am there with each of you during your problems and I DO understand how hard it is.

I needed to get some support cos I still need it too sometimes so thanks.


Nicola

[nomorepanic]

<b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote">Hi Nic

What you have said is so true!

If you want me to escort you over the Severn Bridge, as long as it's a day when I'm not working I will do it, bear that in mind and try not to worry.

Take care

Elaine x

<div align="right">Originally posted by lainey - 26 November 2004 : 23:17:02</div id="right">
</td id="quote"></tr id="quote"></table id="quote">
I would seriously take you up on that cos all I need is someone to talk to.

Not sure what days you work and how you can meet me at one end lol.

I am driving down on Monday 14th Dec

Thanks for the offer.

Nicola

[sal]

Hi Nic

Bad days do bring it home that we arent completely cured, but even people who dont suffer from anxiety have bad days and it would never occur to them that they are a failure. Just like you arent, i know what you mean about wanting the perfection but in all honesty no one is. We only have the ability to be the best we can and you have showed that you are on many occasions. You have never given in even though at times you felt like it, you always push yourself, and people can see that in you and take in on board. I know its helped me loads.


Love Sal xxxxx

[lainey]

Hi Nic

I don't work on Monday but on that Monday my hubby has a check up at the oncology unit and I have to go with him. I'm so sorry, would have loved to have helped and to have met you.

Take care

Elaine

By the way Nic, the Monday is the 13th not 14th !

[nomorepanic]

Elaine

Never mind it can't be helped. I appreciate the offer anyway.:)

I never was any good at dates [:O]

Nicola

[lainey]

Hi Nic

I know you don't want to avoid the bridge but you could go over the old bridge which I don't think is quite as daunting. just take the signs for Chepstow I think as you are approaching the bridge.

Just a thought!

Take care

Elaine xx

[nomorepanic]

Someone told me to avoid that at all costs if I don't like bridges - would scare me more.:(

Anyway - I did the roadworks in Luton today no prob as expected! [^]

I don't want/need you all to reply and say "well done" - I just thought I would let you know in case you wondered.

Cheers all
x

Nicola