Completely irrational- HA out of hand and needing some help

[Caseyg89]

Hi everyone,

For the first time in my life, I began struggling with severe health anxiety over the past 8 months. I have OCD that has always been managed but this health anxiety has been completely out of control. Since starting in the cycle in January I've convinced myself of 14 different conditions. Always cancer. I'm 28 years old and pregnant with my first child. I have sought out multiple tests (two endoscopes because of a fear of esophageal cancer), tons of ultrasounds etc. I was doing better until my doctor took routine blood in my second trimester and it showed that my iron and hemoglobin had dropped. I absolutely spiraled and convinced myself it was from colon cancer. My doctors have all told me a drop in hemoglobin is completely normal (And as of the last blood result I'm not technically anemic) as your blood increases by 50 percent. I don't believe them and became obsessed with the possibility of colon cancer. Out of sheer desperation, the doctors did a flexible sigmoidoscopy (unsedated) And were able to get to the end of my colon. Since it was unprepped and I had some bleeding after the scope, I became convinced that they missed a mass but hit it and then it bled. Bleeding stopp3d after a few hours of the scope. My HA continued to spiral with colon cancer fear due to the bleeding after the scope, my IBS and rigjt sided pain. I was convinced I had right sided colon cancer as it causes anemia, pain and often goes undetected and grows large. Needless to say, I ended up with an additional two sigmoidoscopies, another full colonoscopy (once again all unseated), two ultrasounds (no inflammation found) and 3 FOBT negative. I also started becoming very hot in the third trimester and have been convinced it's due to a fever. My temp has been taken at the hospital numerous times and always under 37 degrees but I believe it's a fever. I can't believe that I still can't shake my fear that the cancer keeps getting missed. I'm seeing a counsellor regularly and have started anti anxiety meds. I just can't keep doing this.

How do people believe test results? I can't believe the number of reassurances I have received but I always find a way to doubt.

[CHELLEB1017]

Same here and guess what it all started in my last pregnancy! My son is 16 months and I am still struggling. I am on the generic Celexa and while it does help the majority of days if something is off with my health I get consumed by fear and google away for hours! My doctor says I had perinatal anxiety and now post partum anxiety. I start therapy 10/16 and am hoping to finally beat this monster! On my good days I feel so good and they last weeks but then it all goes down the drain for a few days and I am back at square one!

[Caseyg89]

Yeah!!! I feel the same way. Right now I'm having some heart palpitations and automatically think it's because my hemoglobin has dropped due to this perceived slow bleed (the doctors did not see a mass or any blood). Any physiological symptom I have, I just spiral and find a way to make it into cancer.

[Brunamateus]

Hey, I'm starting to believe that pregnancy hormones play a role on this, I've always had ha, but it calmed down for a year, almost no concerns, but it came back full force during this pregnancy (my first) and my fear is dvt, since I have been having this pain in my right calf since 26 weeks (I'm now 35 weeks), Just terrible, and I have been tested four times, four ultrasounds done but still convinced I have dvt...I know I'm probably being very irrational, and I really think pregnancy has something to do with this

[CHELLEB1017]

I can't even tell you how many times I went to the er during my pregnancy thinking I had a blood clot! Seriously maybe 7-10 times! Are either of you on facebook? There is a group for postpartum anxiety and 80 percent of the peoples anxiety is about health. I have always been a little anxious with health BUT nothing like this. So far I have had DVTS, Breast Cancer, Skin Cancer, Lung Cancer, a brain tumor, and guess what my shin has been hurting and I have been fighting thoughts of bone cancer! It is so exhausting and consuming! I really hope therapy helps cuz this is awful when it flares up!

[Brunamateus]

I feel you so much on this one, I've been to the Er around 10 times aswell, it's insane! And this fear of dvt is totally consuming my thoughts...poor hubby always concerned and driving me to the Er :weep: we even had to come live with my parents for a while as I couldn't handle being alone at home without having extreme panic attacks, If you don't mind me asking, what made you think you had dvt? Yes I do have a Facebook :D

[CHELLEB1017]

I had a constant pain in my calf well side of my calf really and I read how they happen in pregnancy so it just scared me! Tons of ultrasounds and never a clot. Also I have vericose veins in the spot that hurt and they still can be tender at times but I know it's not a clot now! But it used to consume my whole day! Postpartum anxiety support group is the group on facebook! It has seriously helped me just knowing I am not alone. You always hear about depression and I can luckily say I have never had that but this anxiety is no joke!!!!

[Caseyg89]

Wow. This is so great to hear from other mom's. I think being pregnant is also a time you really consider mortality. I always hate reading the horror stories about mom's being diagnosed with something during pregnancy or right after. I'm just trying to find some ways to control it. Like I realize rationally that doubting 4 scopes is absolutely ridiculous. Who even gets 4 scopes to begin with!!

[CHELLEB1017]

Its so bad that we even know we are being irrational yet we cant stop! I have to not read stories about any health issues cuz then I start getting symptoms which I know is just my mind playing tricks on me!!! Before I was never really afraid of death but put my kids in the mix and the thought of leaving them literally swallows me whole!

[Brunamateus]

To make matters worse, I've been dealing with what I think is allergies, so I've been having a lot of back and chest pains, coughing, phlegm, so I can't help but think that now I have a pe...its so bad, but I really hope everything gets better...im going to look for that support group for sure.
That seems a lot like what is happening to me! Not constant though but it's always in the same spot, inner part of my calf and goes to the back of my knee sometimes, it's so frustrating cause doctors have no idea what's causing it so I just think it's undiagnosed dvt

[CHELLEB1017]

I am right there with you! I go weeks feeling amazing and one little pain, cough, sore throat, head ache, etc... just sends me off the deep end! It is the worst! Feel free either of you to message me anytime! It is nice to know you are no alone in this!!!!

[Caseyg89]

Do you guys struggle to believe tests?

[Leah88]

I am very similar to you. I'm 29 and although my themes differ a bit to yours, pregnancy and childbirth made my irrational thoughts worse. I've been smashing out cbt the last few days so hopefully things will improve. I'll let you know if I have luck. It's hard because you would probably agree that you don't want too many heavy antidepressants/ other drugs during preg + breastfeeding. ( not sure of you breastfeed as much in England as we do in Aust?) but it's a weigh up between mental health and the cross over of chemicals. You have to put your own health first though in order to take care of your baby. I have found this through experience. So keep up with your meds is what I mean. Your gp will tell you there isn't a great deal of science behind any damage to a baby while on psych meds. I found walking a lot in pregnancy helped with anxiety too.

[Brunamateus]

Do you guys struggle to believe tests?

Yes Casey, a lot, as I've said before, I've had four doppler ultrasounds to rule out dvt but I still can't believe them...I think since they are so tech dependent, and also because of some horror stories I've read online (NEVER GOOGLE) it's pretty sad cause I start thinking what will I need besides a medical test (which is the best way to rule out something) to reassure me? :weep:

[Caseyg89]

It is so hard to not believe the doctors. We have to believe them but it's just so hard. Even after having 4 scopes in a month, I'm still worrying about the pain I'm having in my side. I've never had this p4oblrm before. I always believed the doctors but now I don't even believe the tests that diagnose. Apparently I believe I'm the exception and get the uncommon diseases and I'm also the extreme exception that it gets missed in multiple tests by different doctors.

[Brunamateus]

It is so hard to not believe the doctors. We have to believe them but it's just so hard. Even after having 4 scopes in a month, I'm still worrying about the pain I'm having in my side. I've never had this p4oblrm before. I always believed the doctors but now I don't even believe the tests that diagnose. Apparently I believe I'm the exception and get the uncommon diseases and I'm also the extreme exception that it gets missed in multiple tests by different doctors.

It's just like looking into a mirror, I think exactly the same, I always think even after four dopplers I must be one of those uncommon cases where it just goes undiagnosed, I mean it's ridiculous, I've been seen by four different techs in three different hospitals, two of the doctors who performed two of my doppler ultrasounds where vascular doctors, but still I went ahead and got an private appointment for after tomorrow with another vascular doctor...I also used to believe the tests but now I can't...I'm scared that after pregnancy this is just going to get worse

[Caseyg89]

One of the most challenging things I've come to realize is that I need to stop with the tests. It causes me so much anxiety and I always think "okay after this test, if they tell me it's clear I have to move on and address th2 anxiety". Then the test comes around (as I was unseated and the doctor knew I was worried about colon cancer, he literallt kept telling me during the scope, everything looks great, 100%healthy), I feel good for a bit and then the anxiety creeps back in. I have to stop the tests though as it just keeps it going. I've had four scopes in a month... I realize it's totally out of hand but at the time it doesn't seem to matter, I'm just fixated on the testing. And how ridiculous is it that we think these skilled doctors are missing something serious that they diagnose regularly. We always think we are the unique cases. My husband had me break it down and it was helpful. If my odds are 1 in 100,000 of having colon cancer, what would the odds then go to of it being missed in stool tests, ultrasounds, an MRI and four scopes. Like the chances of me winning the lottery are probably much higher.