Extreme anxiety about October

[GingerFish]

This is going to sound silly but I am really struggling and don't know where to turn. Background - 25 yr old female, married, diagnosed with OCD, C-PTSD, BDD, panic disorder, depression and anxiety. Been in and out of therapy since childhood due to these conditions.

Every yr, some awful seems to have happened to me in October. My dad got cancer, broke up with my partner (back together now but the break up was hard), I got attacked etc and then the worst thing of all happened last October which I don't want to get into but I always feared October every year but now after last yr, the fear is crippling.

The logical part of me knows it's just a coincidence that all that stuff seemed to happen in Oct over the years but I can't cope with how I feel.

I feel absolute dread. I feel like I am holding my breath waiting on a bomb to drop or something. I experience a surge of feelings to exact what I felt last year when the worst thing of all happened and it makes me feel like I am right there again and I can't describe how strong it feels. I also dream about the incidents too. Sometimes the flashback of feelings comes out the blue or certain smells or the temperature of the wind outside brings it back as it was very cold and full on winter when it happened last yr.

I don't feel suicidal but I don't trust myself when I get flashbacks because they are so strong.

I am due to start Compassion based therapy in Oct. I also attend a self help group. I am not on meds due to bad reactions in the past.

Can anyone else relate to this kind of thing? I've tried talking to my hubby and family about it but they don't really understand since I had been 'coping' pretty much OK for the most part of the year but have hit rock bottom as the 'anniversaries' of all the stuff that happened in October approaches.

[pulisa]

You are dealing with a hell of a lot here, Ginger Fish. I think it's perfectly understandable that you should dread bad "anniversaries" of which you have had many. The fact that they have fallen in one particular month is entirely random but you won't see it like this at the moment of course. Logically you know that October is just a month but the anticipation of its imminent arrival must be very unnerving. I really hope that you can get through the month "unscathed" with your new husband supporting you and that at the end of the month you can breathe a sigh of relief..Hopefully your new therapist can offer additional support at this challenging time too.

---------- Post added at 14:40 ---------- Previous post was at 14:36 ----------

My "bad" month is September. Horrible anniversaries and flashbacks. It has to be got through though it's far from easy. Please keep posting on this thread if it helps you to express your fears? People will certainly support you.

[AntsyVee]

I have this, but for November. It's just a time of stress, both good and bad. The good: it's Thanksgiving, my anniversary, a two birthdays. The bad: my cat died, my best friend died in Nov. (I found his body), and it's the anniversary of a terrorist attack (so that's all over the news). I just prepare myself for the ups and downs by talking with my therapist, going to grief group and journaling. It does get easier with time. I don't anticipate the stress the way I used to in the first year.

I would like to recommend the book, The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma by Bessel van der Kolk. It's the best book out there that I've read on PTSD, and I use it as my guideline for my own treatment basically. I think you should read it with your therapist.

[braindead]

did you no Christmas is the worst time for mentally ill , the second is going on holiday and leaving your safe Place:wacko::wacko::wacko:

[MyNameIsTerry]

I think it's only like how so many of us have so much trouble with events like Xmas and birthdays. You've got some really powerful memories of events that would upset us all so it's only natural to feel this way.

Bereavement is always a good example of this in anyone regardless of mental health complications. That first anniversary will always be tough, if not more to come.

I used to have such ingrained issues about routine post relapse that just the transition to weekends from weekdays had my anxiety going up.

[GingerFish]

Thanks for your replies everyone. I never really thought about it being the same as those with MH problems who suffer badly around Christmas which is understandable, just for me its a different time of the year that I struggle with more but do have my ups and downs near Christmas time. It makes more sense to me now when I think of it like that.

I'm just going to take this month one day at a time. Now that we are in October, some of the anxiety has lessened. Like most things anxiety related, the thought of something worse than doing the actual thing you're scared of.

[Bittersweet05]

Hi ginger fish. I truly understand what you feel
I start in october and goes thru march. Bad things happen in those months. We go camping every year from april to October. October we pack up for winter. That is my happy place. So right now i begin to feel the anxiety and depression setting over me. Just lost good friend this week and it starting. Lost gram in November dad in January. I dont like the holidays because i just want them over.bi hate winter. Hate snow. So it just depresses me more.bi know I'm the only one that can make me better and feel happy. I shouldn't dwell. But I truly know how you feel.