GingerFish
30-09-17, 11:55
This is going to sound silly but I am really struggling and don't know where to turn. Background - 25 yr old female, married, diagnosed with OCD, C-PTSD, BDD, panic disorder, depression and anxiety. Been in and out of therapy since childhood due to these conditions.
Every yr, some awful seems to have happened to me in October. My dad got cancer, broke up with my partner (back together now but the break up was hard), I got attacked etc and then the worst thing of all happened last October which I don't want to get into but I always feared October every year but now after last yr, the fear is crippling.
The logical part of me knows it's just a coincidence that all that stuff seemed to happen in Oct over the years but I can't cope with how I feel.
I feel absolute dread. I feel like I am holding my breath waiting on a bomb to drop or something. I experience a surge of feelings to exact what I felt last year when the worst thing of all happened and it makes me feel like I am right there again and I can't describe how strong it feels. I also dream about the incidents too. Sometimes the flashback of feelings comes out the blue or certain smells or the temperature of the wind outside brings it back as it was very cold and full on winter when it happened last yr.
I don't feel suicidal but I don't trust myself when I get flashbacks because they are so strong.
I am due to start Compassion based therapy in Oct. I also attend a self help group. I am not on meds due to bad reactions in the past.
Can anyone else relate to this kind of thing? I've tried talking to my hubby and family about it but they don't really understand since I had been 'coping' pretty much OK for the most part of the year but have hit rock bottom as the 'anniversaries' of all the stuff that happened in October approaches.
Every yr, some awful seems to have happened to me in October. My dad got cancer, broke up with my partner (back together now but the break up was hard), I got attacked etc and then the worst thing of all happened last October which I don't want to get into but I always feared October every year but now after last yr, the fear is crippling.
The logical part of me knows it's just a coincidence that all that stuff seemed to happen in Oct over the years but I can't cope with how I feel.
I feel absolute dread. I feel like I am holding my breath waiting on a bomb to drop or something. I experience a surge of feelings to exact what I felt last year when the worst thing of all happened and it makes me feel like I am right there again and I can't describe how strong it feels. I also dream about the incidents too. Sometimes the flashback of feelings comes out the blue or certain smells or the temperature of the wind outside brings it back as it was very cold and full on winter when it happened last yr.
I don't feel suicidal but I don't trust myself when I get flashbacks because they are so strong.
I am due to start Compassion based therapy in Oct. I also attend a self help group. I am not on meds due to bad reactions in the past.
Can anyone else relate to this kind of thing? I've tried talking to my hubby and family about it but they don't really understand since I had been 'coping' pretty much OK for the most part of the year but have hit rock bottom as the 'anniversaries' of all the stuff that happened in October approaches.