barrelrider
30-09-17, 18:29
So I'm new to the site, I've been issues articulating whats been going on with me this year so I was hoping and its been suggested that writing would help.
A bit of background I guess I've always been a worrier, would get sick whenever I was away from home and generally spent far more time concerned about what people thought of me than I really should. It wasn't until this year however that things started to move beyond simple worries into something a bit more serious. In May I started to suffer quite significantly barely able to sleep at nights and therefore function at work I started to withdraw barely speaking a word to my colleagues yet all the while working myself into the ground. Then came the next level fear, real fear of things I had never been fearful of before, people outside happy enjoying the sunshine, of going out of the house, going shopping. Fear of just about everything other than going to work. Panic attacks followed and I knew something wasn't right.
Colleagues started to notice the change in my character, drop in productivity and confidence. One fateful 1-2-1 at work with my boss and I had managed to let slip everything I had been hiding for so long. My boss suggested a visit to the GP, the GP suggested sertraline and 5 months on the battle is just as real despite the massive leaps and bounds I've made. I am currently on session 5 of 6 CBT sessions which has also begun to help me make some real progress. GAD as I now know (it was weird the relief I felt when I was finally told it was something putting a name to it gave me something to face) still has significant affects on my life and I still struggle on a daily basis but I have come to understand its affects a bit better.
How GAD affects my life:
Meltdowns- Numerous. I can go from normal to full on meltdown in a matter of moments.
Its all about me- every decision, every word said in jest, every look in my direction can be interpreted in half a million different ways all of which eventually end with me.
Fearful on sudden change, excessive noise and people.
Crutches are required- part of the struggle has been accepting help, letting things and people into my life that I hadn't done before. My friends and my family, but just as important my boss, my CBT counsellor, the sertraline. Removal of any one of those crutches has just as equally become a real fear.
Low mood
A desperate desire to be understood- I guess this is one of the reasons I've joined this forum. To find people who 'get it' who get why one seemingly uneventful event can throw me into a full blown meltdown.
So thats the history, what else I'm a 31 year old administrator from UK, University Graduate, Scifi geek and general all round nerd.
Looking forward to getting reading!
Barrelrider
A bit of background I guess I've always been a worrier, would get sick whenever I was away from home and generally spent far more time concerned about what people thought of me than I really should. It wasn't until this year however that things started to move beyond simple worries into something a bit more serious. In May I started to suffer quite significantly barely able to sleep at nights and therefore function at work I started to withdraw barely speaking a word to my colleagues yet all the while working myself into the ground. Then came the next level fear, real fear of things I had never been fearful of before, people outside happy enjoying the sunshine, of going out of the house, going shopping. Fear of just about everything other than going to work. Panic attacks followed and I knew something wasn't right.
Colleagues started to notice the change in my character, drop in productivity and confidence. One fateful 1-2-1 at work with my boss and I had managed to let slip everything I had been hiding for so long. My boss suggested a visit to the GP, the GP suggested sertraline and 5 months on the battle is just as real despite the massive leaps and bounds I've made. I am currently on session 5 of 6 CBT sessions which has also begun to help me make some real progress. GAD as I now know (it was weird the relief I felt when I was finally told it was something putting a name to it gave me something to face) still has significant affects on my life and I still struggle on a daily basis but I have come to understand its affects a bit better.
How GAD affects my life:
Meltdowns- Numerous. I can go from normal to full on meltdown in a matter of moments.
Its all about me- every decision, every word said in jest, every look in my direction can be interpreted in half a million different ways all of which eventually end with me.
Fearful on sudden change, excessive noise and people.
Crutches are required- part of the struggle has been accepting help, letting things and people into my life that I hadn't done before. My friends and my family, but just as important my boss, my CBT counsellor, the sertraline. Removal of any one of those crutches has just as equally become a real fear.
Low mood
A desperate desire to be understood- I guess this is one of the reasons I've joined this forum. To find people who 'get it' who get why one seemingly uneventful event can throw me into a full blown meltdown.
So thats the history, what else I'm a 31 year old administrator from UK, University Graduate, Scifi geek and general all round nerd.
Looking forward to getting reading!
Barrelrider