Is the baby mine [Archive]

tmckenzie-orr

02-10-17, 23:01

Hello guys and girls long time since I been on this forum but felt like i needed to let my thoughts out of my head;

I have been with my wife for 9 years have 2 children, my wife is currently pregnant and I cannot shake the idea out of my head thinking is this baby mine I have a friend who is staying with us at the moment and I just cannot shake it thinking is the baby his have they been sleeping around behind my back , my wife is becoming very upset and angry with me asking her if the baby is my friends she said she has never ever cheated on me , I even sorter asked my friend who said no he would never do that and she's not his type anyway, But I cannot shake it think what if what if what if, I absolutely hate it I am absolutely fine then it pops in my head and think it again think what if it the baby comes out with brown eyes like my friend and my life will be turned upside down etc, I hate this paranoia obsession it's really effecting my mental health , I don't want to upset my wife by keep going on and I mean a couple times of day as don't want her getting stressed in case the baby is mine , I think deep down it could well be mine just cannot shake it

Sorry if repeated myself I just had to say it how it is in the head not revised it

lior

02-10-17, 23:35

You poor thing. Would you consider counselling for this? Feeling this way is serious and could cause damage to your relationship. Long term relationships are built on trust. It could be that you are feeling insecure for reasons that your partner has nothing to do with. Can you figure it out?

This anxiety IS your mental health, it's not just affecting your mental health. It's going to be linked to something in your past - something that happened which shook your trust in other people. This is something that therapists can help with.

tmckenzie-orr

03-10-17, 07:53

I honestly hate it, I start feeling normal with the thoughts thinking the baby is mine and I'm happy then this what if comes into play and I think what if she slept with my friend behind my back and it's his and I'm looking forward to this for the baby to come out as his with his colour eyes etc, I hate the thoughts it's constant, there's so many feelings why I feel this way from the past cannot pinpoint at all, I have been drinking a lot lately which is helping at the time with the stupid thoughts but the next day I am even more paranoid and cannot shake the horrible thoughts , I worry in case it's a deep feeling or am I being super paranoid and making unreal things up in my head I hate it, I have always been a paranoid sorta person because I know what other people are like in this world :( really on a downer at the moment had to come back to this site and vent it all out the only place I might not sound like a true weirdo lol :(

braindead

03-10-17, 10:04

I dont no why your waiting to see the babies eye colour it could be any , just because yours may be blue dont mean to say the babies is going to be blue it dont work like that / you have to trust your wife and friend, why is he staying at your house anyway???????? If you are white and he is black you will know then :whistles: if you persist and your wrong, you may lose your wife but if this never leaves you head then DNA

Azzbo

03-10-17, 10:07

Yeah I agree, Eye colour means nothing and if you keep on insinuating that the baby isn't yours then you're just gonna push your wife and friend away.

tmckenzie-orr

03-10-17, 13:55

I know I think it's because I have blue eyes and my friend has very dark brown eyes same as his son and that's what I just keep picturing this baby coming out like I try and shake it but comes back earlier he was talking about some girl who he loved who is married and she unfriended him on Facebook because she felt as if she wanted to try work out her marriage , to me they seem like all hints and are making me dislike him and hate him , I done him a favour being without anywhere to stay and let me stay at mine , I have had this insecurity with all of my friends who have stayed over the years , but now there's a baby in the way I'm worried it's his :( damn I feel like such a fool but same time these demons keep hurting my head

lior

03-10-17, 22:11

You need to look after yourself.

Drinking isn't going to help. Can you find another way to deal with this, which is better for your health? more venting on here could be an option?

Is it possible that you ask for your friend to find somewhere else to stay? You're being kind to him, but maybe seeing him all the time is putting you in a more anxious place than you need to be. If he wasn't there, do you think it would be better for your relationship with your wife? Sounds like you need to nurture your relationship with your wife.

What can you do for your wife that will make her feel loved by you?
Can you ask your wife for help with your mental health?
Can you ask your wife for reassurance because you feel paranoid, rather than making an accusation?
You vowed to be with each other in sickness and in health. This is sickness. You are a team, you can work together to get through this.

You know that you're prone to paranoia. You know, if they really were cheating, they would have admitted it by now.

Iwant2bhealthy

03-10-17, 22:50

MyNameIsTerry

04-10-17, 02:14

Tmckenzie, I can imagine that your wife feels insulted... Think how would you feel is she would continously ask you if you have been faithful, and insinuate that you might have slept with e.g. the neighbour, or a female friend.

This is very harmful for tour relationship, and unless you have a proof or a hint of infidelity happening, it really sounds like intrusive thoughts...

Did you try to research that?

Sent from my SM-G800H using Tapatalk

I agree with this. In this case the compulsion to chase for answers/reassurance is always coupled with harming the person you are asking. I know you don't want to harm her but you must realise that this does and right now she is in need of your support as she goes through pregnancy.

Sometimes you have to tolerate it and keep it inside or find another outlet if you can't.

Your wife needs to know this is about mental health not based on reality. That way she can dismiss it otherwise she might be taking this to heart and stressing over it too.

tmckenzie-orr

04-10-17, 14:43

Yes I completely agree it's the reassurance even speaking on this site even though I feel like a complete weirdo feel as if I can be honest with how I'm feeling I often come and go from this site and it's too easy to keep reassurance every time there's a issue just this one seemed huge for me I have decided I'm gonna take a few months of the alcohol and try sort my self out it's not healthy , I should be happy that have a baby on the way as we have been trying for 1 year, but them silly thoughts are getting in the way of me enjoying the moment it's completely unfair to accuse somebody over and over it's only because I know what my friend is like he loves women and I just hope he would respect me anoth to never try it and same with my wife , thanks for the help it has helped greatly

Bigboyuk

04-10-17, 15:19

Hi It's all about trust really. I have also heard when a baby is born they all have Blue eyes till a bit later on. You need to support your wife right now And will need your home back so you need to politely ask your friend have they found any where to live as it was never going to be a long term thing any way!! Other wise you will put strain on your relationship and your friendship with your friend!! Cheers

Fishmanpa

04-10-17, 16:42

I just hope that you find a way to rationalize this. Trust is so paramount in a relationship. I can only imagine the feelings your wife is having being accused of this as the mother of your other two children. This is someone you've been with for some time and to even think she would betray you to the point of having your friend's child?

I agree that the drinking isn't helping and it's a good thing to put it aside for your own well being and that of your family.

Good luck and as always...

Positive thoughts