It gets worse

[sportboy]

Hi.

I've been away for some time, because this forum gave me new fears, like mad cow disease and brain eating amoeba.

I write this post in health anxiety subforum, because I think most of my obessions are with my health.

But I can't understand why my OCD gets worse all the time. I wrote down my OCD thoughts in 11 hour period and I got 28 thoughts.

The most popular thoughts were thallium on my earphones and on my clothes.
Also, my car was full of toxic gas, when I got that "gas" out, then my hit and run OCD took over. Water in filter can is also poisoned all the time and I have to put new water every time I drink it. I can't sleep because I think someones throws grenade throught my window (really, I was so tired whole week, but I couldn't sleep, I had to be ready for grenade)

I had no idea that it may get so bad. I used to have these negative thoughts about some situations and fears, but now my brain just bombs all the time. Asbestos everywhere in air, thallium on my earphones, toxic gas in my car, same time I have fears that I do these things to my loved ones, like poison them or something. One night I was up till 3.30 am to check all my room, because there was a "bomb" in my room.

And now.. when I have so much to do and study in university, bat bite me again. I just noticed 2 little scratches on my hand, in october(I live in cold country in Europe) and during daytime. I still can't to focus on my homeworks.

I have appointment with psychiatrist next month.
I'm so tired of this rabies thing, I don't even react really.

I really try to be functional and go out, but it's really hard if I even can't spit on the street, because my brain thinks that someones takes my DNA and puts it on a crime scene. And then I have to go back atleast three times.

I don't even have something to ask, like what should I ask.. about bat bite? This whole forum is full of rabies and bats and I told 2 months ago to people here that they should calm down and it's impossible. Now, here I am.

[Iwant2bhealthy]

Hi sportboy, I'm sorry to hear you feel this bad right now. Sounds like your imagination is really giving you some crazy pictures to worry about.
What's happening in your life at the moment? Are you going through a stressful period right now? Were there any major changes in your environement/life?

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[sportboy]

Things got really bad this summer.

And before that I had really stressful month, I had some problems in my family and it caused real anxiety, I had reason to have anxiety, not OCD type of anxiety.

And during this month, I got my first rabies obsession. Then I struggled with rabies and after rabies I don't know what happened. I had worst two weeks. I couldn't eat almost anything, because nothing looked perfect and I had to throw away it. I got so many new OCD thoughts.

But now, life is good. My relationships with family and girlfriend are good, everything is good at university. I really have no worries about anything or stress, just these thoughts.

I don't know, may be there is some connection?

Normal life -> stressful event/month in family -> extreme rabies obession(first time felt really anxiety symptoms, something like panic attack) -> many new OCD thoughts -> stress and anxiety gone, but these thoughts still here.

[Iwant2bhealthy]

In my opinion there is definately a connection between the stressful issues you faced and how tou feel now. In the beginning of my struggle with panic and anxiety the attacks were often "delayed" from the event, and that made it extra hard to make a connection, and to learn the reason behind my anxiety.

Would you consider seeing a theraphist?

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[sportboy]

Would you consider seeing a theraphist?

Yes, I have an appointment next month.

But honestly, I don't really believe in a psychiatrist and medication. May be therapy would help me?

I live normal life, do activities that I love, but my brain just won't calm down, there is always something. At the moment I can drive and eat everything, because rabies fear is back. All my other thoughts are gone.

Three days ago I was outside around my home for 2 hours.
It was around 4 pm and 8 degrees outside(not really good time for bats).

I mowed the lawn(first time hear this term, cut the grass), but I had to take two things near bushes. Then I went back inside, packed my things and went to gym with bicycle(another OCD thought to avoid the car).

I put gloves on to avoid bat bites(honestly). Then I arrived and didn't found my locker key. So, I found something metal and sharp and really struggled to open the locker(put my hands between door etc. 5 minutes passed and suddenly I looked my hand and saw this(I added image).

I know this is so nonsense, but it looks so much like a bat bite.
And it really takes all the happiness away from my life.

Why can't I see it as a injury from the locker? Why my brain thinks only about bat bites?
https://imgur.com/a/RDGtT