Thoughts

[Jenwales]

I don't come on these forums anymore I find they can trigger my anxiety but I need to get some stuff out there. If you read this thank you, if you reply thanks even more. Sometimes just writing it down and having someone read it can help. Anxiety can feel like a raging battle one minute and nothing the next.


My anxiety comes and goes. When it's there-like now- I feel like I can never be calm and that I will always find this anxiety stopping me from living a full life, making my problems increase by millions. Sometimes I feel calm and I wonder how am I calm? I try to figure out the difference, why I'm not anxious. So even when I'm not anxious I'm thinking about why I'm not, trying to figure it out so that I can always be calm. But it's like picking at an old wound and leads to an end of that moment of calm.

Recently I have felt anxiety more often and I wondered to myself do I feel like everyday? I want to cry thinking this. I probably do it's just sometimes I notice that I am anxious and other times I am so consumed by worrying and unhelpful thoughts that are habits I struggle to break that I am not aware of how I'm feeling. Not until I feel sick or my fingers start tingling.

I tell myself that if I had a better or less stressful job or if I have done all the things I need to do that I won't be anxious anymore. But I think to myself this is proabably not true, anxiety is a habit, a monster in my head. I remembe ra time when I was so calm and yoga and mindfulnes was easy. When nothing was this hard and I worry that that feeling, that place, is now unattainable.

I feel that people have worse conditions that me, when you visit wedsites about mental health it's for people with conditions where they are given tablets just to get by, where they can't work and have to rely on the government for help. I feel like my concerns are not as bad as theirs and if I haven't been offered help by my gp or if my family think I'm ok that maybe it's not as bad as I think. People take time of work for anxiety, I hide it and struggle on. Sometimes I don't want to struggle anymore and want tp lie there and give up. Maybe it's the fighting that makes it worse.

I might be fine in a hour, I've got to go to work and the idea of a busy shop makes me anxious. The idea of struggling to fit family and work and writing into my life makes me anxious. The idea that I may now have to rush around because I've been typing this makes me anxious.

I want to let it all go and be me. Then maybe more will get done and life will be better. I just need a plan but I don't know where to start, everything takes a long time to figure out but times waits for noone.

[Juggar]

I don't come on these forums anymore I find they can trigger my anxiety but I need to get some stuff out there. If you read this thank you, if you reply thanks even more. Sometimes just writing it down and having someone read it can help. Anxiety can feel like a raging battle one minute and nothing the next.


My anxiety comes and goes. When it's there-like now- I feel like I can never be calm and that I will always find this anxiety stopping me from living a full life, making my problems increase by millions. Sometimes I feel calm and I wonder how am I calm? I try to figure out the difference, why I'm not anxious. So even when I'm not anxious I'm thinking about why I'm not, trying to figure it out so that I can always be calm. But it's like picking at an old wound and leads to an end of that moment of calm.



This is so spot on for me, a lot of what you said has resonated with me.

I understand fully how you feel as I feel the same way. Youre not alone in this.

It really can be a rollercoaster, I find that talking about it can really help. Being alone in this is a terrible feeling and may propagate it more.

You sound like you need a therapist or someone that can teach CBT. Personally, I fight myself daily on going to see a therapist. I don’t want to go because it’s a feeling of defeat for me. It brings up a lot of questions as well, do I need to be medicated? Should I be medicated? Can I best this without medication? Am I really mentally ill? All of these questions cause avoidance for me, thus I never go and suffer in silence at home and work.

Honestly, I think our brains just need to be retaught how to handle stress and stop looking so inwardly. I find myself continually self reflecting and thinking of anxious things, it wasn’t like this for me a year ago. I just loved my life with no fear. Sometimes I think, how can I make it through life like this? It’s a very anxious thought for me. I think the key is CBT and maybe a light SSRI.

If you are religious, prayer may help calm the storm within you.

[braindead]

Coming on forums can screw your head , ask any shrink he will tell you to keep well clear. i treat my illness with little jokes to try and get the posters smiling sometimes i go a little to far i know. It doesn't mean i feel great, mostly the opposite , try and get a smile is worth a million meds.:wacko::wacko::wacko:

[pulisa]

I agree, Brian!! I'm not sure there is a "light" or gentle SSRI though, Juggar. I think that's a myth created by whoever is prescribing it. These meds are powerful and need careful monitoring which practically can't happen in primary care.

Jen, you sound completely overwhelmed which is probably what most of us here feel with anxiety and depression. Sometimes it helps to write it all down and get it off your chest but I know that this doesn't last for long when you're on the treadmill so to speak.

[KK77]

Coming on forums can screw your head , ask any shrink he will tell you to keep well clear. i treat my illness with little jokes to try and get the posters smiling sometimes i go a little to far i know. It doesn't mean i feel great, mostly the opposite , try and get a smile is worth a million meds.:wacko::wacko::wacko:

Without a SOH this illness can quickly become intolerable :lac:

Next joke, Brian? :D

[braindead]

Without a SOH this illness can quickly become intolerable :lac:
xxxrated
Next joke, Brian? :D
young virgin boy runs in the pub and says i have just had sex with a girl on the side of rail line. 1 lad shouts did she give you oral. ooooooooo he said i never found her head#:wacko::wacko::wacko:

---------- Post added at 14:31 ---------- Previous post was at 14:30 ----------

[QUOTE=KK77;1725160]Without a SOH this illness can quickly become intolerable :lac:

[KK77]

young virgin boy runs in the pub and says i have just had sex with a girl on the side of rail line. 1 lad shouts did she give you oral. ooooooooo he said i never found her head#:wacko::wacko::wacko:
[:

:scared15:
:roflmao:

[Bittersweet05]

Hi Jen. I totally understand where you coming from. Im in the office and I get very anxious and my mind wonders with anxiety. I'm not on meds but started to use a anxiety vitamin. I feel if I'm not worrying about something i cant cope. Some days i tell myself when I'm happy why do I allow anxiety to take me over. Your write writing it down helps. It is like someone is listening even if no one is. We can only be the ones to stop this and be happy. We have to calm the nasty anxiety thought. I have HA and seasonal anxiety as well. All getting to me at once. Hope you feel better. But your not alone.