Finally hit my breaking point.

[SassyEdwards]

There's no coming back from this. I've been crying for 4 days straight. That's no exaggeration. I haven't eaten. Only got off the couch to make tea or use the bathroom. It started Friday with a funny head pressure and light headedness. I convinced myself I had epilepsy due to googling. I am feeling head rushes still and head pressure and headaches. And crying and crying and crying. I've also got a few more heart palpitations then normal.

I am almost 90 days sober after drinking vodka daily for 6 years to manage these thoughts and feelings. I am ready to go back and drink myself a slow death because anything has to be better then this right now.

I am due for my period tonight or tomorrow (sorry tmi) and it always gives me insomnia so on top of all this I am also not sleeping. I simply cannot handle this anymore.

This is my new account some becoming sober. I was on here years ago as JoniEdwards. But I believe that account has be disabled I don't know. But I'm back and totally ready to throw in the towel. This is the hardest thing I've ever done.

Thanks for reading everyone. I hope you have had a better weekend then I have. Xoxo

[becca98]

Please try find help asap in your area, I hope you feel better soon. No matter how bad you feel please don't go back to alcohol it'll only cause you more feelings of depression, your heat palpitations are probably because you haven't eaten and have got yourself in a state. ❤️


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[SassyEdwards]

If I had known it would be this hard I would have never stopped drinking in the first place. I would have stayed on that bathroom floor and whatever happened, happens.

Between the pms, lack of sleep, tightness around my head and pressure, funny head rushes, jaw clenching and constant crying making my eyes sore and blurry. I just want to have a shot of vodka to calm all this.

I have an appointment on the 16th with family doctor who will refer me to psychiatric doctor and a traditional native healer (as I am native Canadian) I just want to feel normal. This past 4 days have been worse then I felt even when I was drinking. :(

[becca98]

Sorry if you don't mind me asking what's actually triggered it to be this bad? I hope you get some good sleep, maybe have a nice meal and watch something funny on tv. I know it's hard and I know you probably think if only it was that easy, lie in bed picture scenarios you wish could happen, picture how you want your life to be and then try and work at it! I do that when I feel down but maybe that's cos I'm sad..[emoji6] everyday you get up and fight this is a day closer to being okay again, I don't have much advice but my heart hurt a little bit reading this. I wish there was more I could do to help


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[SassyEdwards]

The trigger was waking up with head pressure (weather related and I know it is) however, I also have pms very bad and my anxiety sky rockets. I will suffer broken sleep and cry until i give myself a migraine. This time i googled all of my symptoms and it stated that I have epilespy. That sent me into the 4 day panic cycle of crying, not leaving the couch, eating very little, ongoing head pressure and ache. I am just feeling defeated.

I appreciate the responses. Thank you for taking the time to read about my problems.

[Annaboodle]

Well done on your 90 days. That is amazing. I'm a recovering alcoholic and I know what an achievement that is.

If you're picturing scenarios do me a favour and add one of what will happen if you pick up the vodka again. Draw me a really big picture, once the initial rush wears off, of just how that will pan out for you over the next few weeks, months years - because it worked out just great for you before didn't it.

Basically you have some head pressure, which you've said yourself you know is weather-related. You have PMS and related to that you have insomnia. You now have head pains and more palpitations than usual - that'll be from crying then. I am the queen of throwing pity parties for myself to use as an excuse to drink and sorry, but this just sounds like a big one you are in the middle of. If I said to you I was considering drinking again because I had some random head symptoms, PMS and a bit of insomnia and a terrible few days, what would you say to me? Believe me I know how unbearable it can feel living in your own skin some days, but even that is not a reason to drink - it's just another excuse.

Only you can decide what you're going to do. Is there someone you could call? Get some support if you can. Just please please please don't pick up again because no good can come of it and you know that.

[SassyEdwards]

Didn't drink. Sat up and had tea. Managed to get about 3 hours sleep. Going to nap through out the day.

I liked that idea of picture myself drinking again. It wasn't pretty. Not only was I depressed I was also hungover and actually sick. Really don't want to be there. Thank you.

And when you word it like that it does sound dramatic and my mind making the worst of simple everyday life things. I'm totally not use to being able to feel every twitch and emotion going on in my body because I have been numb to it for so long, so everything is overwhelming. Going to make it a point to not cry today. Thank you again.

[ocdbaking]

I'm not an alcoholic, but just wanted to say well done for getting through your crisis yesterday/today. Keep holding onto that feeling of achievement, and you will get there :)

[jojo2316]

So sorry you are suffering like this. Is anyone with you, giving you support? 90 days is a pretty major achievement! Hang in there
Jojo x

[melfish]

90 days is brilliant! I quit drinking in May and am now coming up to six months. It's a slog, but the self-medicating with wine wasn't working for me anymore. (Understatement!)
I've been going through my worst bout of HA ever, and I'm doing it without booze. Which makes me feel like I can do ANYTHING without it now. Hang in there, self-care is so important. You can do it.

[pulisa]

Great post, Annaboodle! You can do it, Sassy!

And so can you, Melfish!

It takes courage to quit the booze and then to stay sober. You should be proud of your achievement.

[SassyEdwards]

Thanks so much everyone. 90 days feels like 20 years. I didn't realize how bad my anxiety had gotten until I stopped drinking. I quit drinking, smoking, and caffiene all on the same day. What a nightmare. Here's to the next 90 more!

[pulisa]

Thanks so much everyone. 90 days feels like 20 years. I didn't realize how bad my anxiety had gotten until I stopped drinking. I quit drinking, smoking, and caffiene all on the same day. What a nightmare. Here's to the next 90 more!

You've certainly done it the hard way but good for you! Every day is a huge achievement!