View Full Version : pregnant, anxiety worse than ever, don't know what to do
Hi everybody, looking for a little support. I had surprisingly been doing well my first trimester of pregnancy even with being off my meds. That seems to have changed completely. I don't know if it is my anxiety, the new job, or pregnancy or all three but I feel worse than I can remember. It's been slowly building over the past few weeks and I honestly have felt like I am losing my mind the past few days.
I started a new job (accepted it and gave my notice before I knew I was pregnant) in August. I was very unhappy at my last job after having been there three years and it seemed like a really good opportunity for a change. Well, little did I know it would be a lot different than I was told during the interview process. For one, I was told I would be in a role doing more chart-auditing and less stressful clinical work. That was a big reason I took the job, as I emotionally needed a break from the clinical. Two days before I started, they called and notified me I was being moved to a clinical role because somebody resigned. I was also told we would only have 18 cases but we have almost 30. Nobody told me that before I started. There's no organization, my supervisor is late all the time or not there. I'm left alone in situations where I am uncomfortable or don't feel safe/equipped to handle. It's been so stressful, chaotic, overwhelming, and I feel like I can't get anything done that is expected of me.
Lately I haven't been sleeping. I wake up in the middle of the night or in the morning panicking. I get to work and I sit in my car scared to go in, but somehow get in the door. I have been having dizzy spells, fainting when I panic which makes me nervous being pregnant. I have no appetite and am having trouble getting food down.
Everybody tells me to leave the job because my health is more important, but if I leave, we will be in a financial hole, especially with a baby on the way. It will be hard to find something else while pregnant because employers won't want to hire somebody who will go on a leave in 4 months. My disability plan does not cover mental health either. If I quit, I will not be able to apply for unemployment.
I've been to my doctor and my therapist, started lexapro again last week with the doctor's assurance that I can take it while pregnant and that my health is important to the baby's health. So far I have just been feeling worse though. Yesterday I couldn't get off the couch. I called out of work for two days and go back tomorrow. I was a mess on the phone with my supervisor and she probably thinks I am crazy. I told her how overwhelmed I felt, about my concerns for my health and the pregnancy with this level of stress. She said to think about it this week. I asked if I could go back to the role I was hired for originally or if a different site would be less stressful but she said it has been filled and other sites are the same.
I guess I don't know what to do. I know nobody has answers for me, my therapist doesn't, my husband doesn't, my boss doesn't. I have been panicking almost constantly the past two days and can't calm down. I am so nervous to go back tomorrow.
I have been looking and applying for jobs today, but scared I won't be able to get hired being pregnant. I am scared about any job I take. I am thinking about everything, feel like I can't do anything, shaking, having trouble even getting off the couch. How did it get so bad so fast? I feel like I need time to get my head straight but work won't understand that.
I'm so sorry you are in this situation and are obviously unwell. You must feel totally overwhelmed and frightened. My advice would be always to put your own physical and mental health and that of your precious baby before work or any financial consideration. You are under far too much pressure and you have to look after your own wellbeing especially in view of your pregnancy. Surely your work will be understanding regarding the demands put on you which have made you ill? We all have a limit and you must have reached yours. Is your GP prepared to back you on this? It's not just a question of putting you back on Lexapro and everything will be fine-there's a lot more going on which is overwhelming you and is just too much for you so your health is suffering.
Your priority must be yourself and your baby but you should not be penalised financially for becoming ill. You deserve to be given fair treatment by your work and they have taken advantage of you.
Thank you for your response, Pulisa. I do feel overwhelmed and scared. I last spoke with my ob/gyn last week when they started the lexapro, but since then things have gotten worse. I agree, part of what I am thinking is that the lexapro is not going to fix the issues with the job.
The sad thing is because I am new, I don't have any paid sick leave at this job. If I take time off, it is unpaid and they don't have to take me back either. There is very little support for mental health here (And I work in the field!)
I mean I don't know if I even want to be there, but we need to pay the bills and prep for my maternity recovery (also unpaid here in the states). I have a short-term disability plan I pay for but that will only cover 6 weeks after I give birth... nothing now and nothing mental-health related. If I had broken my leg, it would kick in, but not for this.
Tomorrow I go back and I am really afraid. I'm not sure what it will be like or what they will say after I called out for two days sounding like a mess.
It's a very unsettling situation to be in. Would you be able to negotiate a short period of unpaid sick leave just to give you some breathing space? Surely work would be accommodating in view of your pregnancy?
I am going to ask for something along those lines if I can. We are supposed to meet when I go back to talk about it. I'm not sure how it will go. I asked for a few options on the phone that I was told were not possible (changing my role, different site). I plan to ask about reduced hours as an option too, but I doubt that is feasible at my current site as we are short-staffed already.
I just feel like I'm crawling out of my skin. My anxiety has been bad before, but never like this. Waking up in a full panic, mind racing, scared to even get out of bed today and I stayed home from work. It's a beautiful day and I couldn't take the dog out for more than a brief 5 minute walk. My husband is doing everything for me and I feel so badly about it.
He will be away for work for most of November but I am not even thinking about that yet.
I don't know how long work will put up with it with me being new, although I don't think I can be fired for a mental health condition.
---------- Post added at 18:55 ---------- Previous post was at 16:48 ----------
Just had another panic attack thinking about going in tomorrow and the coming weeks. I cannot handle this right now. This is not me.
MyNameIsTerry
12-10-17, 05:57
I'm really sorry to hear this, swgrl. You really don't need this pressure during your pregancy :hugs::flowers:
What does your husband think of this? I can imagine he is very concerned. One reason I ask, aside from him being an excellent source of support with taking on the employer, is that he won't be struggling with the negative thinking that these disorders heap on top of everything. He may see an answer slightly more clearly e.g. prioritise health and not finances or reduce hours your side/increase his, etc.
My parents did this for me at the time when I was really ill and taking on my employer who was refusing to make changes despite their own occupational health team agreeing with me. There came a point where it was take them on with a solicitor or prioritise health. My parents not being prone to all the negative thinking patterns I was going through could look at things more objectively. And obviously being older, more experienced, they could look back and know whether life is worth living a certain way if you are unhappy. Their opinions helped me to reach the decision to walk away and not fight with a culture of not wishing to help employees at my firm because what's the point if it just made me worse. I was lucky in that I didn't have your financial pressures but it was very useful to have an outside opinion rather than what was going around in my head all day.
Something I would question is an employer agreeing to unpaid leave and legally not taking an employee back. That sounds very strange, it wouldn't be legal over here. Is that perhaps where it is unpaid but not agreed? Perhaps investigate that clause more carefully and check with HR because you have circumstances here that could make it very messy for an employer (pregnant, shift in work terms after joining despite some agreedment to shifting terms prior to joining, mental health concerns that could lead to potential discrimination case, etc). Employers have to be very careful in dismissing people for capability issues as the law usually expects them to make all possible efforts first and for them to be able to prove that. And pregant women are usually as protected as you can get in employment form my experience...the negative media from getting it wrong is not worth the chance.
I agree that you should prioritise your health but the harsh reality of money can be the sticking point. I just hope you & your husband can establish whether there are things you can do here because your health needs the boost. Whether that's some time off unpaid to have a break or going part time or full time reduced hours then I hope there is something.
Investigate their responsibilities to people in health capability cases. If they have occupational health teams then they should have some ways to help you out here.
Workload doesn't dictate over staff illness. If people are ill, they are entitled to take time off and employers/managers have to find ways around that. It's simply life being a manager, people leave, accidents outside work cause staff shortage gaps. If lists need to be lengthened or other measures brought in, tat's just part of managing.
Which brings me to another issue. Commitment. I have a strong suspicion you are a very committed person. This can be a double-edged sword because you may be kciking yourself ten times harder than any manager ever would. They may be more relaxed about something you see more strongly. This is another reason why I thought about your husband and from you've talked about in the past I've never had the impression you guys aren't solid.
I wonder if part of you is thinking about personal failure here. I could be wrong but you've got a very client-centred career (or I got that impression from your last role and you have been a social worker too) and people in these roles tend to be very committed to them. Committed to helping others, even to the point of personal sacrifices. And at this time, the focus needs to be on you & baby, other things can wait until you are through this additional pressure.
Wise words and sound advice from Terry. I really hope that you will make some headway with work re accommodating your needs. You are hardly being "difficult" and your mind is telling you that you are overwhelmed and need to slow down. You are growing another human being-what is more important at this stage?
The terms of your job description were changed and you have been faced with a very pressurised situation which you would not have chosen, particularly as you are pregnant. Your panic attack/escalating anxiety is just a manifestation of your mental distress and exhaustion. Please put yourself and the baby first and I'm sure your husband would back you up all the way. Money is important but it is not the be all and end all xx
Which brings me to another issue. Commitment. I have a strong suspicion you are a very committed person. This can be a double-edged sword because you may be kciking yourself ten times harder than any manager ever would. They may be more relaxed about something you see more strongly. This is another reason why I thought about your husband and from you've talked about in the past I've never had the impression you guys aren't solid.
I wonder if part of you is thinking about personal failure here. I could be wrong but you've got a very client-centred career (or I got that impression from your last role and you have been a social worker too) and people in these roles tend to be very committed to them. Committed to helping others, even to the point of personal sacrifices. And at this time, the focus needs to be on you & baby, other things can wait until you are through this additional pressure.
Thank you both for your thoughtful responses. Terry, we do have a lot of the legal protections here so I am hoping that I would be able to negotiate some unpaid time off if I can.
You hit the nail on the head with how I am feeling - like a failure, kicking myself, etc. I have to work on that. Part of my anxiety also gets obsessive about things like finances, etc, which is really tough for me.
My husband and I have talked a lot about it. He wants me to be healthy more than anything else. Of course he is worried about finances if I can't work at all, but does want me to talk to them and see what I can arrange.
Right now I am getting ready to go in for the day and I am shaking, feel like throwing up. I am so worried I will snap. My husband is driving me and I'm embarrassed but I need the help. He said he will wait down the road if I can't get through the whole day. I don't know what I would do if he wasn't here right now. I'll update later after work.
You need his support and you are a team in this. You are NOT a failure. You have always been over conscientious and have always given your best. You are now doing what is best for you and your future family. It is NOT admitting defeat but being sensible and protecting your own mental and physical health which is the very best thing you can do. I really hope today is manageable but you know your husband is there for you if it isn't xx
Thank you so much, Pulisa, for your kind words. I needed to hear that. :hugs: I always have struggled with putting myself before others.
I am home now. I was there for about an hour and spoke with my supervisor and the other woman on my team. I had a panic attack in the car on the way there and almost didn't go in, but made myself. The conversation went better than I expected. My coworker shared that she was very depressed when she was pregnant and felt like a different person, which helped to hear that somebody understood. My supervisor also shared that she has had anxiety and was off meds during pregnancy and had a really difficult time.
Right now I am home the rest of the day and tomorrow, then am to text my supervisor over the weekend with how I am feeling and if I will make it in next week. She said they want to work with me but they have to be able to plan for coverage and want to know if I will be back or not. My supervisor will be off 4 days next week and my coworker 1 day, which I always struggle with because I am not comfortable being alone there. But I have been off this week so I can't get upset about it. The problem is I don't know. I financially need to work and have to, but I can't predict when I will feel better or if I will be able to return to this job.
My husband wants me to do what is best for me, but I can tell he wants me to try to work next week. He said to just have a day or two today and tomorrow where I don't put pressure on myself, don't look for other jobs, just watch a movie. I have therapy later. I am trying to just focus on today, but that is very hard for me to do, especially now.
I hardly slept last night so my goals for today are maybe nap, try to eat a little, and get to my appointment.
Just do the basics and don't put any pressure on yourself? You need to take things slowly but surely. Your husband is supportive but doesn't really get how distressed you are and what are the sticking points re this job..I hope you can offload a bit with your therapist.
Of course you don't know how you will feel next week and this adds extra pressure and uncertainty. Don't think worst case scenario but don't expect to feel "recovered" after taking it easy for a few days. It's understandable that they want to plan for coverage but it's not that clear cut for you so you need to make a decision based on your gut instincts.
I hope it helps to write it all down too? I was in a really stressful job when pregnant with my son (military Intelligence) and it all got too much for me so I was signed off for most of the duration. I'm like you and felt a failure but it was for the best.
Yeah, I had to tell him today that it really puts a lot of pressure on me when he mentions that this is a big decision for both of us. I'm just trying to get through the day right now.
It has helped to write it down. I feel like everything is spinning around in my head nonstop and getting feedback from people who know what it's like to suffer like this is so helpful to me. I truly have felt like I am losing myself at times and it helps ground me.
I didn't know that about you, Pulisa. The more I talk to women who have been pregnant, the more common it seems to be. I have to imagine the hormones, the anxiety I already had before this, and the stress of the job just magnifies everything so much. I wish there was more support out there for mental health.
I slept a little this morning, walked the dog a little further than yesterday but not far. I feel like I could fall back to sleep but I want to sleep tonight so I am pushing through. I am thinking about next week already and wish I wasn't.
We are always advised to "live in the moment" but it's not that easy when faced with looming significant issues. I really don't think you should plan too far ahead today because you are quite understandably emotionally fragile and have more than enough on your plate to get through the day.
It's impossible to predict how you will feel by next week so maybe don't try and let your body tell you nearer the time? This will be very hard but may give your mind some respite?
To be honest I was always in the wrong job-just couldn't handle the constant pressure. It was a blessed relief to be signed off.
I agree, I am trying to get through the next day or two without thinking much about next week. The obsessive thoughts I get can make that challenging though.
I have wondered if I am always in the wrong job too. It can be rewarding and meaningful, but it gets to be very emotionally taxing. I may need to consider a change in the future but not right now. It's something I have thought about over the past year. I want to have a meaningful job, but maybe in the long-term I need to find something a little different and less stressful/emotionally involved. I was thinking that once I am on maternity leave, it might be a time to reassess things. I just have to get through until March when the baby comes.
My therapy session was helpful today. We are doing a lot of DBT and I am struggling with identifying when I need to move from emotion regulation and mindfulness to distress tolerance skills. I find when I am in a panic attack or anxiety that has escalated too far, I still am trying to rationalize and it's not possible at that point. I need to recognize when I am too far gone and need to use different skills. We talked about squeezing ice cubes, hitting pain pressure points, etc. Anything to kind of snap my body chemistry out of where it is currently. Then once I calm down I can use the other skills. It may help me get by the next few days when panicking. I'll try anything.
The therapist has a therapy dog that comes in sometimes. She's only a puppy so she is still in training, but is so sweet. That helped a little too.
yvonne_uk_98
12-10-17, 22:25
Swgrl09,
Sent you a pm, thinking of you.:hugs:
Hi there , sorry to hear you are going through it again I seem to remember you were doing pretty well before but I know your job was a stress back then , I guess everyone is congratulating you and assuming you are happy as Larry right now it's a bitch when your brain won't let you just be happy and normal like others maybe it's partly the thought of change that's making you uneasy ( we don't like to much change or supprises do we ) babies are ok but toddlers are great fun , maybe having a baby will occupy your mind and be a good thing , I did worry with my daughters first but she is a good mum now and even after all day morning sickness for the whole pregnancy she still had another .
Maybe you should think about working for yourself , I do who the hell would employ me ? :D
Try and put yourself first , you have a job making a baby .
Thank you both for taking the time to respond, and Yvonne, I got your PM :hugs:
Buster, you said it right - it's a bitch when your brain won't let you just be happy and normal. Change is hard for me and the job is always chaotic and unpredictable, so that is a tough daily adjustment. With the baby, there is definitely anxiety about adjusting. We are excited to meet her though. I just worry that I will be this anxious as a mother and I don't want it to affect her. My own mother had bad anxiety and I don't blame her for it, but I know it impacted me.
I actually have thought about working for myself. My only concern is that I am not 100% sure I want to stay in this field or not due to it being so emotionally taxing on me so I am hesitant about making that commitment if I am unsure. But maybe it would be less stressful.
Thanks for your support and your thoughtful response. I give your daughter so much credit for all day morning sickness the whole pregnancy. I had all day sickness that finally eased up around 17 weeks... I'm almost 20 weeks now, mostly the sickness has passed (other than from anxiety impacting my appetite) except here and there. I am so relieved it passed as my sister was sick the whole time too. I lost 15 pounds before I started gaining during the first trimester. I just get heartburn and acid sometimes now.
It's lovely that you will be having a baby girl and you will be a great Mum, I'm sure! I think you will have your work cut out adjusting to her arrival because it's not easy but that doesn't mean to say that it won't be an incredibly special and wonderful time for both you and your husband. It may not be the best thing to make any plans re future work until after she is born because you just don't know how you will feel and how much you will be able to take on both practically and emotionally?
You're halfway through now but obviously have to face the challenge of negotiating the pathway to your maternity leave. Try to resist the temptation to put pressure on yourself-this has always been my downfall and has never really worked for me although I would like it does/did. Don't allow your work to pressurise you either-you are doing the best for you and your baby:hugs:
I can't believe I am halfway through. We have our big "mid-pregnancy" scan where they look for abnormalities this week and I'm a little nervous about it, but everything so far has been good and healthy.
I agree, I have no idea how I will feel or what I will want after she is born. People have told me you change so much that it's not possible to predict. So my goal was to save money now to be able to take my time with it. We'll see how that goes, as I have to return to this job to save the money... I have to decide tomorrow if I will go in on Monday and even that decision is making me a little nervous. It's hard not to put pressure on myself when work is a bit. My husband says don't make the decision today.
I still haven't slept well at night and was up for hours last night for no reason just thinking. I tried some of the techniques we discussed in therapy and eventually something worked, I just don't know what because I fell asleep. Today I woke up and threw up. Not sure if it's from pregnancy or lexapro, but at this point it's neither here nor there. I am mostly past the morning sickness but it does show up once in a while and the lexapro has aggravated my stomach this week.
Finally slept a decent 8 hours last night and it felt really good. I woke up with my thoughts racing already. That’s the hardest - no respite from the thoughts. Last night I tried some drawing to keep my mind occupied while watching tv. Work wants to know by tomorrrow if I will be in Monday. They also want me to call HR to discuss with them. I’m nervous about that.
Do you think if you told them that you were not able to come in next week that you would feel relieved and better or worried about letting them down (not that you would be) and the money side of it?
Honestly not sure. I think part of me would be relieved, and part would of course be worried ... it would be putting lots of work on my coworkers. As of now I am going to try to go in on Monday and will talk to HR about any accommodations. I am going to ask about reduced hours or a different role.
Today I managed to go to my nephews birthday. It was alright but tiring. People touching my stomach makes me uncomfortable but they just do it without asking. My husband tried to intervene but some people just do it anyway. But there was a moment where my sister and cousin were making fun of a coworker who took time off for having panic attacks. I didn't say anything, but my husband could tell I was upset/embarrassed. They don't know that I was off this past week. Oddly they both struggle with anxiety too.
They obviously don't suffer from anxiety to any debilitating degree or only when it suits them..How insensitive.
You did very well to even go to the birthday party. I can never understand why people just dive in and touch people's bumps without even bothering to ask.
A good idea to take it a day at a time. You may make some decent progress tomorrow re discussing a sensible and do-able work plan for you to consider in the weeks leading up to your maternity leave? If you find things difficult to negotiate and they are not flexible or accommodating re your work schedule then at least you will know and can make your decision based on fact.
Yes that’s what I’m hoping for ... I’m nervous as I don’t know what accommodations would be realistic. This job is in a school so the schedule follows the school day and doesn’t have flexibility. I don’t know if they could reduce my caseload without overwhelming the other staff even more. We just have a classroom to work out of so no private space to work quietly.
Woke up anxious about tomorrow and this week already. I have to really try to focus on one day at a time but it’s so hard. I feel sick.
---------- Post added at 09:14 ---------- Previous post was at 08:54 ----------
I am having trouble today. We have a lot to do and I am feeling overwhelmed. I feel like - how can I handle work if I can't even handle home today? But I don't have a choice. We need the money. I wish money was not a huge factor in this. I love my country but this is one thing that I wish was different. No support when you can't work unless you get on permanent disability - which I am not permanently disabled and even so it can take 1-2 years to get on that. And there is so much judgment for mental health.
I did some research on the laws and protections and found some websites talking about how employers see mental health accommodations as just lazy workers who can't keep up. I know that's just the internet and not all true but it really bothers me. I'm struggling to keep my head above water here and people who don't experience it cannot know how exhausting and scary it is.
The anticipation of tomorrow's challenge will make you feel very uneasy and anxious. It's your caseload that matters though and if your current work situation is making you ill then things need to be modified. If this isn't possible then you need to know. It does sound a very unsatisfactory arrangement at work with others under pressure too but you have to think of your own needs. I really hope it's not going to be as bad as you think tomorrow.
Thanks, Pulisa. I am trying to tell myself that and not judge myself. It is their responsibility to make it a workable place and job.
I can't believe that you will be "penalised" because you are suffering from a significant anxiety disorder which has probably flared up because you are overworked and exhausted and you just happen to be pregnant too. I'm sure that any decent employers would look after your wellbeing and would go all out to retain you for as long as they can? If this means modifying and improving your working conditions then they should get their act together as soon as possible.
I hope I won't be. I get mixed signals from my supervisor. I know she has to plan for coverage, but sometimes it sounds like she is pressuring me to be there and other times it doesn't. I am going to try to go in tomorrow regardless for the money and have that talk with HR on the phone (they are located out of state). I have to get through this somehow.
Today was a rough day. I've been a mix of anxious and exhausted. I managed to do some chores and go to the store but I am wiped completely. Tomorrow is work and therapy. I am going to have to ask my therapist for some type of letter documenting what I am going through for proof. I hope she will do it. She knows how much I have been struggling.
Here i am up at 2 am... need to be up for work in 3 hours. This is so difficult and I don't know if I can manage it tomorrow or at all. My manager said she asked the backup to come in anyway just in case. I'm so embarrassed by all of this.
Please don't be embarrassed....You are not well and NOT doing this on purpose!! You are a conscientious worker and don't want to let people down BUT..you don't want to let yourself and your baby down by ignoring your own fragile state of health and trying to override symptoms which are telling you that something isn't right. You must put yourself first now and try to make a decision which is obviously playing dreadfully on your mind. In my opinion money comes second to health xxxx
MyNameIsTerry
16-10-17, 09:02
Forget those opinionated websites. If you were in a less progressive country then those views could likely be more mainstream but not now. There will be some employers who think like that because they are ignorant of mental health issues but all that matters is what your employer is like. Some people view many physical problems like that anyway, it's ignorance.
Let's look at this another way. What if you were in an accident and physically hurt? Several weeks off and then reduced duties for several more. In convenient to the employer - yes, but just part of running a business anywhere on planet earth. And yes, someone with a mindset about commitment like yours would still have those thoughts about inconvenience to your work.
I bet if you took a look around you would see lots of people who feel that way because they hold strong views about pulling their weight in society and providing. They feel guilty for being ill! Those same people struggle with unemployment as there is perceived stigma about failure.
I bet if you look at older generations you will see this thinking a lot. My parents are like this and they would feel the need to apologise for things that just happen in life and are no one's fault. I used to feel bad ringing in if I was physically ill too. It's how we are brought up to believe we should be working. But look at someone in society who is the opposite and lives off benefits with little or no intention to work. They don't feel that guilt.
What I'm trying to say is that it's ok to get ill. It's normal to feel a bit guilty because you feel you are putting people out.
From a manager's perspective, it can be annoying. But not because of the person being ill, because it's created a bit more work for you as a manager so it's more stress on top of stress. But this is what management is for and expected to do. If a business is too reliant on individuals to the point of services collapsing due to periods of illness then service provision needs rethinking.
Right now you are worried about taking some time off. You are entitled to holidays and a manager has to allow those without significant impact to the business. You could leave and those services still go on. And what happened before you were recruited?
Beware your thinking unbalancing the situation into pressuring you to put work before health. Try to remember that balance is needed in weighing things up because no one expects you to be superwoman. Your committed mind might want to think otherwise because that's who you are.
I remember the thinking well. That mindset that will push holidays aside to get projects done. That person that punishes themselves more than any boss ever could. You are not admitting failure, but there's nothing wrong with admitting you are human.
:hugs:
Human AND pregnant. I know it's a natural state and you don't want to be treated any differently etc but.....it's not just yourself you are taking care of now.
Please let us know how things progress?
Thank you both for your caring posts ... it means a lot to me. Terry you are right with that perspective. The guilt is tearing me apart. I also see how worried and tired my husband is and feel it too. But if roles were reversed I’d just want him healthy. And pullsa, the baby is the most important right now. You’re right. It’s not just me that is suffering.
I don’t know where the guilt comes from and the over commitment. I think I’ve always been this way to an extent. My parents were hard workers but not ridiculous on us as kids.
Last night I got a half hour of sleep total. Needless to say I’m not at work. I called the doctor and am waiting for a call back. Then I have to call Human Resources at work. I’m hopeful it goes well but I’m terribly nervous too.
---------- Post added at 12:26 ---------- Previous post was at 08:35 ----------
Update
The doctor's office got me in this morning at 10:45. I am back now. The doctor was not very sympathetic, but did help I guess. I just got lectured in the process. The short of it is he is increasing my lexapro to 20 mg (the dose I used to be on) and prescribed a short course of klonopin to use for sleep as needed. He has given me a note to keep me out of work through October 30th.
It was a tough appointment though. I was really struggling, shaking waiting to talk to them. The nurses were very kind. I've lost weight from not eating. But he was very short with me. When I asked if the klonopin would be safe during pregnancy, he said "Of course it's safe! Nothing is perfectly safe! But its not safe to feel this way and you never should have gone off the medications in the first place!" I tried to explain that it was a tough decision but I felt good for a while and heard different things about being pregnant on medications. He then yelled more "That's what people always say! You feel good because you are on the meds! That isn't the time to stop!." So I just said I'm sorry and stopped saying anything. Honestly it was a hard decision and I knew if I wasn't trying to get pregnant at the time, I would have definitely stayed on them. But I figured I could try it and see how it went. I didn't think I would feel THIS badly.
He's not my normal doctor. My doctor, who is very kind, is on maternity leave herself and not sure when she will be back.
So I have called into work and left them messages/emailed a picture of the note. I haven't heard back from anybody yet. We'll see how that goes. Financially it will be tight, but if I have a job to go back to, then we can make ends meet for the next two weeks.
What an idiotic doctor. That's all I can say. What a load of sh*te. Of course you should have come off the Lexapro when trying to conceive.Who knows what the true reason for your current anxiety state is but I can have a good guess and it's not related to coming off Lexapro...
I'm pleased you have been signed off till the end of the month. The only decent thing to come out of your consult. THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT!!:hugs:
Thank you so much for your kind words Pulisa :hugs:
I have told work but nobody is getting back to me. My supervisor usually is very quick to respond to text/calls, especially the past week with all the nudging to tell them my status, but it's been quiet. I'm a bit nervous. I also called HR, as I was told to do today, and she has not answered me either. I'm telling myself maybe they are just figuring it all out.
Either way if they fire me, I did my due diligence in providing medical documentation and hopefully could at least get unemployment... what a headache.
Try not to jump to premature conclusions? They are probably just figuring it out as you say or else busy with something else. They won't fire you. Why would they? You are a valuable employee who is ill at the moment.
Hi there , the doc you saw sounds an absolute pr&@k I've seen a few like that , the one doc I saw who actually admitted they'd made me worse with meds retired after I saw him twice I was gutted , mental health is never an exact science so sometimes you have to try what you thinks best .
At the end of the day it's just a job quality of life is much more important, when I was younger I'd chuck jobs in for any reason I once gave up a job because it was raining and didn't go back :D
If it makes you feel any better I saw an old school friend not long ago and she said you havent changed and rubbed my belly ( I have put on a bit of weight but there is no baby in there ) I'd suggest getting a t shirt that says this bump bites or just say I'm not pregnant I just like cake make them feel awkward .
Take the boxing gloves off and stop beating yourself up it's not an easy situation so just do what feels right for you .
Take care .:hugs:
Oh my goodness, Buster, if a friend did that and I wasn't pregnant I'd be so upset! But I have thought about those shirts, haha, they might be good for a laugh.
The doctor was definitely rough ... I'm trying to tell myself that I'm sure people question him all the time and maybe he just gets sick of it. But it still was not pleasant .. maybe I'd be less upset if I wasn't so off lately.
I am taking the boxing gloves off. I came up with a plan with my therapist for how to structure my days the next two weeks. I will try to check in with my supervisor tomorrow - still haven't heard from her at all. I'm assuming they got the message about my time off as I sent it to both her and HR. I'm sure I'll be nervous returning but that's not for me to think about right now.
This is my life and my daughter's life. I can't risk that right now. She has to come first.
Tonight we have a fire going which is calming... it's finally been cool enough. The weather has been strangely hot and it's nice to actually feel like fall. Hopefully the klonopin helps me sleep tonight.
Thank you all again for your ongoing support and positive words. It is helping me more than you know.
MyNameIsTerry
17-10-17, 02:22
Whoa, what crawled up that doc's butt?!!!
Our NHS don't believe in keeping people on these meds for long periods, they prefer to withdraw once the time is right. That time is very hard to judge but it doesn't mean a life on meds and I am guessing your own doctor assessed whether this was worth trying?
From reading your posts about what has happened it seems to me that logically this is either about pregnancy impact (women have a harder time than we men for having to go through such a major body event), job change (adjustment), med withdrawal, or more likely a combination.
So, it's possible that removing the med has led to this. When I came of Cit I wasn't as well as I could be but I was much better. I was ok, post withdrawal symptoms, for months and then the little things started. When it finally hit, it was a train. Hiding in toilets at work for longer & longer because I felt sick and started feeling the panic.
I wasn't ready to come off. In your case, it was about what was best for the baby. Some meds are known to be an issue in pregancy and some have got conflicting studies. What depression guidelines also state is that a clinicial must weigh up whether the level of stress is potenially an issue for the baby as a more settled mother is going to be better hence needing to introduce meds. Some docs are very happy to continue meds anyway but it's still one of those many antidepressant grey areas so you can understand parents wanting to be very cautious.
So, whilst there may be some truth in what the plonker said, he should remember what the word professional means. Being in a profession where you have dealt with the vulnerable, lack of professionalism will stick out more and may be annoying. Just write him off as an idiot, or maybe a doc having a bad day and forgetting himself, and remember you have a good doctor who is on leave at the moment.
I remember how ill I felt. I can see a lot of how I was struggling at work in what you are saying but you have more going on with the effects on your body & mind from something so major as pregnancy. You & your husband need to do what is best for you all, lean on each other and talk it all through, as I'm sure you are doing, since he can help you better analyse when your thinking is straying off due to the anxiety.
Your boss might be busy. They might have asked HR for advice. Managers aren't often good at communicating in these circumstances and assume you are ok waiting a day ot two. When feeling like this, we worry about what is going on when there may be really nothing abnormal going on. We start worrying over scenarios your manager & HR are not. They may be busy, something urgent may come up which takes priority, your boss might have a few hours off for something themselves, etc. There are many possibilities and they don't have to be the ones you naturally worry about.
I would say that you did absolutely the right thing by coming off your meds when you did. You protected your potential developing foetus at a very vulnerable time when things can go wrong. You had a choice and you chose right in my opinion.
So I've managed to miss this post entirely so I'm sending huge belated congratulations! It's wonderful to hear you're pregnant. Obviously I only know you through posts but I echo what Pulisa said I think you're going to be an amazing Mum
:hugs:
On the definitely not wonderful side I'm sorry you're struggling and having to deal with work and idiot Dr's. I don't have any advice other that what the lovely people have already given but sending lots of prayers and positive thoughts
Vicky
Pulisa - Thank you for your thoughts. I think I did the right thing too. I honestly felt pretty good for 8 months before I got pregnant and was not on meds. And I got through the crucial first trimester without them so, as the doctor said, no risk of birth defects now. Everything is formed just growing. So I think I did the right thing regardless. Maybe if I was in a different job it wouldn't have blown up so badly. But I can't change the decision I made and I don't regret it.
Vicky - Thank you for taking the time to read my posts and send your positive thoughts. It's so helpful and encouraging to hear that.
Terry - I know what you mean. It's tough to know when to come off and when to stay on. If I wasn't going to conceive, I would have stayed on. But there are conflicting studies all over the place and I did do research. I spoke with my doctor (not the doctor I saw yesterday), who said she was supportive of my decision and that if I ever changed my mind to let her know. I am certain the conversation would have gone better if I could have met with her instead of the doctor covering. He is a good OB/GYN but does not have the best professionalism. He did save my nephew's life when he was born so I am trying to at least tell myself he will be a good doctor if there is an emergency even if the personality sucks.
I felt a little like you - I was okay for a while off meds. I mean 8 months before I got pregnant and then the first 3 months of the pregnancy I felt okay so I thought I'd be able to manage. Then work got ridiculous, I had trouble sleeping due to anxiety and pregnancy, pressures built, and I think it was all just too much. I snapped.
Oddly it usually manifests as health anxiety but that hasn't so much been the case - probably because I have been at the doctors so much getting blood tests all the time. It's more obsessive about other worries... money, work, etc. Those are more pressing. I wonder if the work issue dies down that the HA will pop up a little. If so, I have to just go with it and not be surprised. But so far it hasn't really.
I actually slept well last night. I took the klonopin the doctor prescribed and felt it within a half hour. That, combined with only sleeping a half hour the past few days, was a recipe for success I guess.
Really glad you got some restorative sleep. Work and money are playing on your mind at the moment but they will take second place once your daughter arrives!!
Yes, work and money definitely are playing on my mind. I have been battling back the anxious thoughts all day. Part of my plan with my therapist was to do some tasks around the house to distract me, as well as make sure I am eating 3 meals a day and getting more nutrition.
The thoughts were particularly rough, so I ended up cleaning a lot. Did yoga, cleaned the bathrooms, swept/mopped/vacuumed the floors, dusted, cleaned the kitchen, made a chili in the slow cooker for dinner, made myself a spinach wrap for lunch, walked the dog, and organized the clothes/threw out some that were old and ripped. That's the pro and con of my anxiety. It makes me quite productive, but when in overdrive, makes me lose it. I wonder if I should do a little less tomorrow or do something more mindful and calming. I still feel the thoughts going but am also tired.
I'm already thinking about how I will handle going back to work and that's over a week and a half away. I have to stay present-focused.
I am like you in that at my most productive and super-efficient I am also at my most agitated and anxious and always working against the clock. It's my coping mechanism but not a very healthy way to live. Are you able to slow down a little or is it a question of keeping going in order to crowd out the thoughts? I suppose the increased dose of Lexapro will be causing you to be a bit more anxious at this stage too?
If you can slow down, pace yourself and give yourself a break without feeing the need to keep active I'd say do all you can to try this out.
Yes, I am the same exact way. Employers/coworkers are amazed at what I get done, but they don't realize I am a mess inside my head! I have to work on giving myself permission to slow down and not get everything done. The world will keep spinning.
Right now it's kind of a balancing act between staying distracted from my anxious thoughts but also being able to relax. Maybe I will try something different tomorrow ... getting a book from the library or watching a movie or something. That way I am slowing down but keeping my mind from wandering too much. I am sure the extra lexapro is revving me up as well.
I did sleep last night, but not as well. I woke up around 3 AM with a pain in my neck, then was awake thinking about finances. One of the skills my therapist suggested was counting, but that wasn't enough to distract me so this time I tried counting in 7s instead. It took a while, but at least held my focus better than just regular counting. Eventually I went back to sleep. I woke up a bit anxious today, stomach is a little sick.
Today is the big scan around 4 PM. 8 hours to go. I'm excited and nervous.
I'm not surprised that you are anxious and unsettled. This scan is really important and significant. You will get to see your daughter but it's a thorough organ check so only natural to start ruminating on the what if's especially as you are going through a particularly bad time at the moment.
I do hope that come 4pm you will be given complete reassurance that all is well and that you will be able to enjoy watching your daughter on the screen in all her glory!! Are you having a 4D scan? They didn't exist in my day but I do have some grainy images of my daughter as a 6,7 and 8 week foetus which I show her from time to time!:)
I don't know if they do the 4D scan or not. I've seen pictures and video from others and it's really cool! The last scan wasn't, but that was the NT scan which was quick and only looking for a few very specific things that went well. Of course my calm husband is not worried at all, which helps, but I just want to make sure she is okay.
I get a little worried because I don't feel her yet that much. The doctor said that was okay at this point. At my last ultrasound they also said the placenta is in the front so it acts as extra cushioning and I might not feel her for a little longer than others. But I want to, it would give me a little reassurance that she is doing okay in there. It's been so surreal because other than the nausea, emotions, and stress, physically I don't really feel pregnant even though I am showing now. I'm guessing as I get bigger that will change.
I was very anxious about the kicking too. I don't think you will feel much until about 20 weeks with a first baby.
I hope the time goes quickly until 4pm for you. I just want you to get your reassurance that's she's doing just fine!:hugs:
I'm 20 weeks today - officially halfway!!! :yesyes: Pregnancy has been so much harder than I could have expected.
Thank you, I hope so too. I plan to do a few things around the house to keep busy today. I'll keep ya posted after.
Thanks! I'm very excited for you! I found pregnancy to be a time of great stress and it really shouldn't be. I was always told to make the most of my time before the birth because I wouldn't get any time to myself afterwards and how right they were!!:D
Just got back from the scan and everything looked great. The ultrasound technician said she did not see any problems, that she looked perfect. She still sends the measurements to the doctor to review, but did not see anything problematic. It was so amazing. We got to see her face, inside the brain and heart, etc. She was kicking away even though I don't feel it yet. I'm so relieved!
MyNameIsTerry
19-10-17, 02:39
How amazing! I bet you are both walking around with a smile on now. Your husbands probably been wandering round with a grin on all day in a world of his own. :biggrin:
Sounds like a fighter, like her mum!
We both definitely are very relieved and excited. That was the last of the major tests I think unless something unexpected comes up. Now I feel like I can start preparing more and getting her room ready, etc. It was really awesome and surreal. :D I can't wait to meet her! It was nice to have some good news and a much needed happy day.
I'm so very pleased and relieved for you!! Now you can begin to enjoy your pregnancy in the knowledge that all is well and that's the greatest gift of all! Put work problems on the backburner for now-nothing's as important as the news you have just had:hugs:
Thank you, Pulisa and Vicky, for your kind words :hugs: I am quite excited. I think I saw this as a major hurdle even though others don't get nervous about it. But it's quite intimidating thinking they are looking at all the ventricles of the heart, the lobes of the brain, her kidneys, liver, stomach, etc. Scans of myself make me nervous nonetheless her! But the tech said it was perfect so I can't ask for any better than that. I am so pleased.
At one point she had her hand under her chin like she was thinking and I thought "Oh god, hope she doesn't overthink like me!" haha
I think it is leaking into my mood today. I am going to try to get out of the house a little bit and maybe look at paint colors for the nursery today, curtains, etc. I'm not sure what we are going to go with so I've been all over pinterest trying to get ideas. I also have to take the dog to the vet for her shots. She loves the vet (she just loves all people). It's so different from taking the cat, who cries the whole time and refuses to come out of her carrier.
Sleep has been okay. Each night I wake up for about an hour with my mind going, but I don't escalate to panic attacks... probably from the klonopin. I don't want to take it every night though. I feel like I should save a few for the week I go back to work. Maybe tonight I will experiment with not taking it or taking half a tablet.
Good idea. You may find you sleep better in the afterglow from the scan and the positive vibes from your nursery project.
Great to hear some positive news on here , really happy for you :D , hopefully it's put the other stuff in perspective, money and jobs are not the be all and end all just a necessary evenly , life is so much more important and you are creating one , my girls came along when I was pretty young but I don't regret any of it and loved the times spent with them as kids , take care .:hugs:
Thank you, Buster, it really means a lot to hear that and you are right. This is what's important most of all and being healthy for her. You sound like a great father to your girls. :hugs:
MyNameIsTerry
20-10-17, 01:42
I know nothing about pregnancy but I've always had the impression from mothers-to-be that they are all anxious to so level until they get past certain milestones in pregnancy. Until the scans come back saying everything is fine, they worry incase the baby has any problems. I bet fathers-to-be are the same. It stands to reason for a future parent to have concerns about the most precious thing to come into their lives.
You know worry is about balance. Concern is healthy, worry is to some extent but balance is important. We are off balance a lot. But a % of the worry in natural cases like this isn't an inbalance, it's the rest our anxiety has added. So, I think we have to be mindful that we aren't overeacting as much as we think because a certain amount of that reaction would be normal for anyone. If that makes sense?
Painting your baby girls room sounds like a great activity. Really positive. Getting jobs like that done can bring a sense of achievement on their own but what better way to boost mood than to spend it creating something for you new baby?
Terry, you are right. It's normal to be concerned and have healthy worries about certain things. I think it would be problematic to never be concerned either. But finding that balance is what's important and really difficult for me. I feel like my husband swings the other way - he is so calm. At least we balance each other out.
I am trying to make sure I do something positive and give myself bit of an achievement every day instead of just sitting around. My sleep is not great. Last night I tried to sleep without the klonopin, fell asleep, but woke up around 1 AM thinking. So I took half of a tablet which seemed to be enough. My husband says this is why the doctor prescribed it this week, but part of me doesn't want to rely on it.
I have an ACT workbook that I have been meaning to do for a long time and haven't. I my try to get that out today and put some work into it. I've always been interested in it and never had the time to really put some effort into it. We'll see. I'm pretty tired today. Sadly when you are pregnant you are only allowed 1 cup of coffee a day :mad: So I'll have to make do with just that.
You don't want to get reliant on the klonopin so maybe use it when you really need to sleep as opposed to routinely?
I'd suggest dipping in and out of the ACT workbook without putting too much pressure on yourself to get to grips with it? I think you should focus on more pleasurable things such as your daughter's room and plans for what you are going to buy for her? It must be so good to know that she is perfectly formed and "cooking" nicely-think about that instead of what you should be doing etc etc?
Yeah you have a good point, Pulisa. I feel the same way about the klonopin - the fact that I am off work, I feel like I should try to NOT take it because I can just nap if needed. But my husband I think sees how badly I have felt from not sleeping and just wants me to get some regular sleep in me. We'll see. But I have worked with many people who are reliant on benzos and I definitely don't want to be, especially being pregnant.
Also a good point about the ACT workbook. Today I started to get frustrated with myself for not doing enough because I felt tired and nauseous. I had to check myself because pushing myself is what got me here in the first place.
A little nervous about tomorrow ... we are going to a big football game and tailgate with our friends from college. It's been planned for a long time and are friends we don't see a lot, so I am going to go but we have to get up so early and there will be lots of people there. I can always take breaks in the car if I need to I suppose.
MyNameIsTerry
21-10-17, 02:01
Yep, do what you think you need to but I agree with pulisa because we can feel a bit all-or-nothing manic and go at everything full on when perhaps being a bit more mindful and taking your time is better. And right now you have a lot going on.
It's tempting to fill every moment to get away from anxiety but burnout can follow.
I'm of the opinion that meds like benzo's should be for when things are too intolerable. That way you still have them without needing to adjust doses. If you think they are not needed or needed a bit less, there's no harm in trying but if it's not enough you don't have to suffer either.
I get the impression that benzos are prescribed quite freely in the US but I may be very wrong. Personally I think you are very much doing the right thing by using them selectively and not as a matter of course.
Pace yourself as much as you can for the football game. I'm sure it will be a very tiring day but maybe you will enjoy seeing your friends and they will look after you in the big crowds. Hopefully you'll be able to have a quiet day on Sunday to recover?!
Yes, I think for a long time benzos were prescribed very freely here. Benzos and opiates really. But now we have huge dependence problems and lots of overdoses and deaths, which has been quite sad. So there have been some changes in the laws about how they are prescribed. Some doctors, however, still hand them out like candy.
We just got home from the game and I am wiped, but I'm glad I went. My husband was really great and everybody was checking in on me - mainly because of the pregnancy (they don't all know what I am going through mental health-wise), but either way it was helpful. People made sure I ate, had water, sat down, etc. It was nice to be out and feel a little normal again. My friend's wife is pregnant and due around the same time, and another is a little behind me, so it was good to have people to relate to.
I am now in my pajamas even though it's only 4 PM but that's okay. I'm tired and we got up so early. I also had trouble sleeping again. Lately it isn't trouble falling asleep, but I wake up around 2 AM and can't fall back to sleep for a few hours. I can't get comfortable either. I'm at the point in pregnancy where they tell you not to sleep flat on your back because the baby can cut off some of your blood vessels, and I'm normally a stomach sleeper but that's out now too so I am just going back and forth side to side. It hurts my shoulders a lot. I have lots of pillows to prop up and a big body pillow, but it's just not what I'm usually comfortable with. So that, in addition to the anxiety, has been making it hard to fall back to sleep.
Tomorrow should be a quiet day hopefully. We may go down to my dad's house to look at some furniture he may be giving us for the baby's room, but otherwise that's about it. For the rest of my night I plan to put my feet up, watch the baseball game, and just hang out.
Yes just reading stuff on here it's evident how freely and regularly benzos are prescribed which is so irresponsible and leaves the patient so reliant and vulnerable.
Glad you had a good time and were well looked after. I go to football (you would call it soccer) regularly here-I support the team near where I grew up and it's my last link with the area-and it's exhausting but good to mix with people who I've got to know over the years but who have no idea as to what my home life is like.
I'd try not to worry too much about your sleep or give it too much significance? In a few months you will have another little person to attend to when you are forced awake in the early hours so maybe now think that this is precious time you have to yourself and it doesn't matter if you are awake at night because you just have yourself to sort out? I know it's frustrating not to be able to get comfortable but it happens in pregnancy and is maybe the body's preparation for the broken nights to come...That was always my theory but maybe I was kidding myself?!
The new furniture sounds exciting-I hope you have a peaceful day:hugs:
That's a good point - maybe I need to get used to it as I won't be sleeping much after she is here!! I think I am just worrying about handling work on no sleep when I go back. I actually slept somewhat okay last night .. still woke up but only for an hour, not 3 this time. I was beat from the day. I'm starting to get back pains and guess I have to get used to that! Yoga has helped a bit, but it seems to be sticking around nowadays.
I hope you have a nice and relaxing day as well! It's been oddly warm ... 80 degrees, which I guess is nice but I like fall weather better. I feel like we don't have 4 seasons anymore where I live... just summer and winter.
I'm afraid that pregnancy brings all sorts of aches and pains as the baby grows but it's all in a good cause and definitely very normal!
My daughter used to worry about how many hours sleep she was getting and was this enough/normal etc but we have moved on from that now and she copes on whatever she gets and has stopped trying so hard to get the "perfect" number of hours. She is autistic but her anxiety was definitely affecting her ability to sleep and stay asleep. I've also had my issues with sleep and fears that I will never be able to sleep normally again but now I'm used to waking up in the night (OH has sleep apnoea/horrendous snoring) and just accept it.
It's got a bit colder here (Surrey, SE England) and we are in full Autumn/fall mode. Just wish Christmas wasn't approaching-can't bear it
I know, it will be here before we know it. But just like many on here have told me, including you, you do what you can handle and take care of yourself during that time. The holidays are rough for me too. Bad memories, financial stress, etc. Maybe we can turn it into something positive this year.
Thanksgiving comes for us first though in November. My husband is going to be in the Bahamas for work and I'm so jealous. I normally would go with him if I was able to, that's how I got to visit Hawaii last year. But because of Zika, pregnant women are advised to stay far away. So we'll be having Thanksgiving separately this year.
Next week is on my mind already and I am trying very hard to stay in the moment, in the present, and use this week to continue to take care of myself before going back. This morning I went and rented a rug cleaner and shampooed the carpet. It needed to be done long ago. So it feels good to have that taken care of. I have therapy later today and I think I have kept to the plan we set last week of doing something every day but also taking care of myself. I still need to work on critical thoughts but I am feeling less guilty about taking this time.
MyNameIsTerry
23-10-17, 17:50
I'll go with him if you want?!!! :yesyes:
I know, right?! He tries to make me feel better by saying "It won't be fun, I'll be working" and I just roll my eyes.
MyNameIsTerry
24-10-17, 01:55
Well I've dug my grass skirt & coconut bra out ready! I really did have the bra, it was a secret santa from work :roflmao:
It's terrible how Zika has been spreading. Just not a risk worth ever taking otherwise I bet a break there would be great for you.
Pregant woman = protected species. That's what we used to say at my last workplace. Managers like myself annoying the hell out of you all asking if you needed anything like we were trying to take old ladies across busy roads :doh: I think it's a man thing, we don't have much of a clue and go over the top whereas the women would just see it as another natural process. Enjoy all the freebies when out & about, like at the game, people just fuss even though you could probably outwork half of us until you get to the very late stages.
I bet your husband is running around irritating the life out of you as if you are going to break like glass if you do anything? When my mum has been ill my dad goes into this mode and it isn't long before he gets shouted out :biggrin: It's all well meaning though and something that once they have run out of the room you can know means you are loved.
Being meerly an ignorant bloke I can't say I know much about pregnancy but even I have heard about the backache! It stands to reason with all the extra pressure on your back. Women who have large breasts often complain about their backs and they won't be anywhere near the weight. I know you know all this, just adding another "don't worry about it" voice.
It's bound to get anyone down when you have your head down a toilet bowl or collapse on the sofa from walking with a heavy bump all day. But I bet there are plenty of moments when you just put your hand on your bump and smile too. :smile:
You must make sure he brings back something beautiful for your baby to wear and impress all your friends!! A baby's wardrobe is as important as a mother's now!!:D
Hope your therapy went well.
Well I've dug my grass skirt & coconut bra out ready! I really did have the bra, it was a secret santa from work :roflmao:
It's terrible how Zika has been spreading. Just not a risk worth ever taking otherwise I bet a break there would be great for you.
Pregant woman = protected species. That's what we used to say at my last workplace. Managers like myself annoying the hell out of you all asking if you needed anything like we were trying to take old ladies across busy roads :doh: I think it's a man thing, we don't have much of a clue and go over the top whereas the women would just see it as another natural process. Enjoy all the freebies when out & about, like at the game, people just fuss even though you could probably outwork half of us until you get to the very late stages.
I bet your husband is running around irritating the life out of you as if you are going to break like glass if you do anything? When my mum has been ill my dad goes into this mode and it isn't long before he gets shouted out :biggrin: It's all well meaning though and something that once they have run out of the room you can know means you are loved.
Being meerly an ignorant bloke I can't say I know much about pregnancy but even I have heard about the backache! It stands to reason with all the extra pressure on your back. Women who have large breasts often complain about their backs and they won't be anywhere near the weight. I know you know all this, just adding another "don't worry about it" voice.
It's bound to get anyone down when you have your head down a toilet bowl or collapse on the sofa from walking with a heavy bump all day. But I bet there are plenty of moments when you just put your hand on your bump and smile too. :smile:
:roflmao: I'm sure he'd love having you as a companion in a coconut bra!!
You are totally right about people walking on eggshells around me. My husband and my father are the worst about it - won't let me lift a paper cup, worried I am doing "heavy lifting." I got yelled at because we were moving a dresser from my father's basement over the weekend and I didn't even lift the dresser, I just took the empty drawers out because they were quite light and put them in the car. Apparently that was too dangerous. But I will admit I don't mind when it's something I don't really want to do, like mow the lawn or take the dog for a really long walk in the cold :D
I do enjoy being pregnant though even with all the aches, pains, and sickness. I feel her a little more now and it is really cool. It's amazing to love somebody who you haven't even met yet.
Maybe it's because my work team are all women who have had kids, but they are less protective. I got a letter yesterday saying they accepted and granted my current leave, but if I request any additional time off it won't be granted/I could be let go because I am new and am not protected by FMLA laws. Those protect workers who need time off for health reasons if you have worked there a year and I haven't yet. I also don't know how maternity leave will impact that - I mean I can't avoid taking leave when the baby comes. I also can't predict that nothing else may come up keeping me out of work, especially the further along I get and the amount of stress there. I am doing the best I can, but I can't predict I won't feel horribly again when I go back. I am thinking I am going to call the human resources woman today to talk about it.
I had some odd texts from my supervisor too. She said she was just checking in to see how I am doing, asked how I felt about coming back next week. Clearly I feel like I don't have a choice in being ready because of that letter, so I was cautious with what I said, was kind of vague, mentioned being a little nervous about catching up. She just kept saying "It's been really busy here ... it still will be..." Maybe I'm reading too much into texts. It was just odd.
Pulisa - Therapy went well. She thinks I am making progress and that I am not giving myself enough credit (same old story of my life). I just worry that I am only feeling a little better because the stressors of work have been taken away and when I am expected back next week, it will be bad again. I feel like I'd be ready to go back to another job, but this one I'm not so sure.
I'd say don't go back. If money was no object quit the job. You obviously are under far too much pressure there and it's had a really adverse effect on your mental health. I've got no right to say this however because I appreciate you have financial concerns but what and who is the priority right now? Do they expect you to work until you go into labour? Does your husband want you to go back?
My husband is rightfully concerned about our finances if I don't work. I would have to look for a job if I did not go back, which might be hard being 5 months pregnant. By the time I found something and got hired, I would only be there a couple months before going out. Then I'd need a few months of not working (that we were hoping to save during this time) while I recover with the baby. But he did say if I can't do it, he understands.
I have asked the HR woman to call me. I plan to tell her my concerns - that I felt misled about the job from the start, that it was a lot more than was presented to me, and that I feel it is detrimental to my health and I am worried about going back to my current position. I will also say I can't predict how it will impact my health again in the future but my health has to come first. I will ask if they have any other options for me. It's kind of a hail mary at this point.
It's so difficult for you and I do appreciate that you can't just say, right, you can stick your job, but I'm just really concerned for you. I was in a highly stressful job but it was so wrong for me and really made my existing illness a hell of a lot worse. I know I have no right to project my own views onto you though. I really hope you can reach a compromise with HR and that something more suited to what you need can be offered or suggested.
Oh I completely understand. If money was no object, I would have been out of there yesterday. And I am worried about my mental health and my pregnancy if I stay. I feel like these are hoops I need to jump through to get through it the "right way." I have a contract and if I breach part of it I can be penalized.
They seem to have got you over a barrel. It must be a minefield to negotiate your way through this and you are very wise to be cautious. Can you get any free legal advice from any source?
I'm not sure. I'd have to do a little research to see if any local labor attorneys offer free consultations. I may have to do that if it comes down to it.
I hope you can sort things out without recourse to anything legal. The whole situation must be very unsettling and not what you need at all with all this uncertainty hanging over you. You sound in control of it though and I know this must be a tough challenge for you.
And the saga continues. I wrote a long email to my HR lady because she did not call me back and I figured I would want it in writing *just in case.* I expressed all of my concerns about the job and my health and safety. I also expressed that I felt misled originally when I was hired, as I was hired for one position and then moved to another, and was never told a lot of different aspects of this job that have come up. I asked if it would be possible to move to the job I was originally hired for instead and she said she would look into it and give her a day or two to talk to people. I left that conversation feeling a little bit hopeful.
Then I get an email from my direct supervisor telling me that when I come back, they are increasing my caseload because she is seeing too many students and does not have time for it. Here we go again. We are already at max and I have shared with her how completely overwhelmed I am and nervous about returning. This program was supposed to have 18 students and we have nearly 30 and they keep taking on more without enough staff. It's set me off again. I am trying to tell myself to let the HR lady do her work and see if she can figure something out before then. Otherwise I do not know what I am going to do. I can't do this job if there are more students. I feel amped up again about this.
MyNameIsTerry
24-10-17, 18:46
Your manager sounds clueless. Selfish maybe? Doing this over here when they should be making reasonable adjustments to get you back into work would leave a company open to a constructive dismissal case.
This only adds to your case in your favour. Push it to the HR person and see if it just gets sorted. Sometimes you get a stupid manager and it just takes a switch kick in the right direction.
HR people care about protecting the company. If this opens up a potential legal avenue for an employee I would expect they would want to slam it shut quickly.
If this is adding to your contractual terms then there is the argument they are breaking a new contract. Changing someone's contract shortly after joining is dodgy but some may try it on knowing employees may not be willing to seek tribunal action since the company can just refuse to see sense.
What I think is that your manager has just poured a big can of petrol on a fire. It's upsetting, makes you angry, the mind starts racing and it won't be doing you any good. Try to park it and keep yourself from obsessively going over it. There is a chance the HR person (if they have any sense) will slap your manager down (or go over their head to do so). That would make today's anxiety for nothing. But this is just words from me, I remember how my manager messing me about got me revved up, so do what you can but get distracting yourself away from too much thinking time if it's in any way possible. :hugs:
I did end up telling the HR person about this too. I figure what do I have to lose at this point? She has seemed more receptive, probably because she is more familiar with the laws and protecting the company. Honestly at this point I probably would have a good case if they let me go or did not try to work with me. I have notified them of my health problems, have had a doctors note, could probably get another from my therapist if needed, and they are putting more work on me instead of less.
I am trying to just stay focused, keep my contact with HR mainly, and see what she says. Thank you for your support and calming words, Terry. It helps to have somebody reframe when I get revved up like this.
Terry is dead right here. I'm so sorry you are still being put through the ringer. It's almost as if they are making things as difficult as possible for you to return. I hope the HR person comes up trumps for you but it's another waiting game unfortunately.
MyNameIsTerry
25-10-17, 01:45
No worries, it's what we are all here for :flowers:
It's the stupid thing about mental health and lack of common sense in managers. If you were on crutches from an injury, would they move you upstairs a further flight without a lift so you had an extra flight of stairs when you were asking if you could move downstairs to the ground floor until you were off your crutches?
That's why we have specific legislation about this stuff. I have no idea what your laws state.
Surely your maternity is covered by law? I would hope so being in such a progressive country. Ours are very tight on allowing maternity. It's a massive no-no trying to do anything with that from my experience as you would be viewed very badly.
The USA is probably the worst western country for maternity. We have laws stating we have to be allowed to take leave to recover from childbirth, but that's about it. As far as I know, it does not specify how long they have to provide you with. The family medical leave act protects you for 12 weeks - you can take up to 12 weeks off in a year for any medical condition or to take care of a family member and they have to protect your job, but two issues are 1. it is unpaid unless you are working at a very generous employer and 2. it only kicks in after you have worked a year at an employer and they have to be a certain size. So I am not eligible for FMLA right now as I have not been there a year. Essentially they could replace me during my leave with no consequence.
Regarding pregnancy, there are labor laws saying you cannot be asked about your pregnancy when you are being hired, it cannot be used against you for promotions or hiring/firing, and they have to accommodate any complications but there are ways around it. It's hard to prove that they didn't hire somebody because of the pregnancy - you can just say there was a better candidate. And again, it can be messy, but they can find a way to say you are just not able to fulfill the job and they considered the accommodations you requested, but were unable to provide them.
I believe there are only a handful of states that offer any income support during maternity leave. Mine is not one of them. Otherwise you have to hope your employer offers some sort of short-term disability, which may not pay very much, or purchase your own plan. I bought a plan at my last job and luckily was able to keep it after I left because if you are already pregnant when you buy the plan, it will not cover you. It will consider it a pre-existing condition. So I had to buy this plan before we even started trying to have a baby. It might provide 60% of my income for 6 weeks vaginal birth, 8 weeks c-section. Better than nothing. I was on the phone with them yesterday to clarify what I will have to do and I will have to prove I am unable to leave my house and yard to get paid. They also won't cover ANY mental health (at least my specific plan won't).
It's really all one big headache when there are so many other things to plan for when you are having a baby.
Every now and then congressmen and women bring up laws about it but they never seem to go anywhere. And the current administration is more focused on reducing laws protecting women than adding them.
This process has been so frustrating. It would have been fine if I was completely 100% and able to keep working my job/saving money for my time off, but that wasn't the case and I'm sure isn't the case for a lot of pregnant women.
---------- Post added at 11:44 ---------- Previous post was at 09:31 ----------
I got a response forwarded to me by the HR lady from the CEO. Basically they said that although I am expressing a desire to change my role to the one I was initially hired for, that I sounded enthusiastic when they moved me (it's just how I sound? I don't know), that they cannot accommodate my request to move. Also it had been filled by somebody else.
They also said that nobody else has complained at my location that it is unmanageable - mind you, there are only 2 other people at my location, including the supervisor who is the one putting all the work on me and who is not there half the week.
So basically they offered me no options other than continue working or leave. They invalidated all of my concerns by saying nobody else is complaining about it and did not address that the role was significantly different from what was presented to me.
I have replied basically thanking them for considering my request, but reiterating my concerns for my own health and wellbeing, and stating that due to my personal circumstances I am worried about what would happen if I returned to this specific role. I repeated the differences in the realities of the job vs what was presented, and that in no way could I have predicted the impact on my health when I was initially interviewed. I have asked if there are any other roles available or any other suggestions they may have for making this work.
I feel like they are trying to get me to quit, but if I am the one who quits, I get the shitty end of the stick. It would be hard to get unemployment when quitting and hard to find work being 5 months pregnant.
I can't believe that you're not legally protected from being effectively forced out of your job. I can't believe you are penalised for having an anxiety disorder but obviously you are. Over here there would be an uproar but we have gone too far the other way in my opinion. I'm so sorry that you are having to deal with this shite whilst you are signed off work-it's hardly conducive to recovery. They are backing you into a corner. I don't know what to say other than somebody else needs to take up your cause..
Thank you for your ongoing support, Pulisa. It helps me feel like I'm not completely crazy. Depending on how this goes, I may have to talk to a lawyer, although they are pretty expensive. Some offer free consultations though.
I am having a rough day. I feel like I can't focus, can't calm down. I am supposed to have dinner with a friend later, so maybe that will help a little.
I'm not surprised. I would feel exactly the same in your situation. Thoughts must be just flying around in your head. The most important thing to remember is that you are carrying a precious bundle and no one can take that away from you. A job is a job but motherhood is for life. Worst case scenario and you don't go back to work, financially you are worse off but you will be protecting your mental health which is priceless.
(Sorry, I know this doesn't help-I'm shocked at how badly you are being treated in a progressive country in the 21st Century)
Thoughts are definitely flying. I feel paralyzed right now, and I know that's my anxiety, but it is really making me feel terribly. I know my and my baby's health comes first, I am just really scared of the financial impacts. My husband wants me to find work if I quit and with 4 months until delivery I honestly don't know if I will. The stakes feel so high right now.
The USA is progressive in some ways, but ass backwards in many others.
Could you contemplate going back with an increased workload and all the stress involved just to avoid potential unemployment? Do you think it's do-able up until your maternity leave? These are impossible questions which you just can't answer.
Will your friend be able to talk things through with you this evening?
I'm not sure. I may not have a choice but to do it. I am a little embarrassed telling my friend about it but I may anyway.
If you are able to talk about it you may be surprised at how supportive your friend could be. I know we shouldn't feel embarrassed about our mental health but I can understand how hard it is to open up especially when we set ourselves high standards. I do think you deserve as much support as possible in this though. I really hope you feel less stressed just by seeing your friend.
She was supportive. I talked about how hard the job is and she works in the same field (we used to work together) and could understand where I was coming from. It was also good to get out to shake up the day. I haven't heard anything from work in response to what I said today, so we'll see what happens or doesn't happen tomorrow...
---------- Post added at 21:50 ---------- Previous post was at 19:19 ----------
Oh lord, Can I catch a break? I think I have food poisoning from the dinner!
MyNameIsTerry
26-10-17, 05:25
I bet that scared the life out of your husband - announcing stomach pains! I bet he was rushing for the overnight bag!!! :biggrin:
I hope you feel better soon. :hugs:
In some aspects we have the same problems over here with discrimination. You will rarely ever prove it unless you already work somewhere as interviewers can easily make up excuses and a lot of the time you won't even know if you've been discriminated against in those circumstances anyway.
They say they have already filled your original position. Was this before you joined? If after, that's very poor as they shouldn't have altered your contract between the acceptance & start date. That sounds like a possible breach of contract issue. If they advertised it but failed to amend it prior to all this, and someone joined in the meantime, then they sound incompetant. They should have stated the job had changed but I guess they blagged it?
What you can focus on is a) your mental health and b) your manager's insistence in increasing your workload. You go off due to too much workload and your manager responds not by trying to address issues but dumping more on you. That's about as dumb as it gets, try getting away with doing that with a physical disability!
What will they do to help you get back to work? What will they do to prevent you being overwhelmed in the future and how will your workload be addressed?
Employers continually shifting goalposts because they aren't staffed up shows they have some real management problems to me. Maybe they are being to cheap to staff up properly?
As far as the "no one has raised issues before" line goes, that's a poor copout.
Yes that's pretty poor. I hope it wasn't food poisoning and just your stomach reacting to all the ongoing stress..
I hope today brings some more positive news. I'm glad it helped talking to your friend-you need support from kind and caring family and friends and mustn't be made to feel isolated with all this. Whatever decision you make should be made with others backing and supporting you.
I'm pretty sure it's food poisoning. I ordered a big salad because I thought I should try to get some veggies in. By the time I left the restaurant I started having severe pains. Let's just say I've literally been awake all night going back and forth to the bathroom. Called the on-call doctor at 2 AM because it was so bad, he was pretty short with me on the phone but I was worried about the baby too just in case. Hubby went out and got me imodium at 2 AM as well. It's still happening this morning, but at least the pain has lessened a bit in between. I will be letting the restaurant know.
What a pain in the ass!!! literally...
---------- Post added at 08:24 ---------- Previous post was at 08:19 ----------
I bet that scared the life out of your husband - announcing stomach pains! I bet he was rushing for the overnight bag!!! :biggrin:
I hope you feel better soon. :hugs:
In some aspects we have the same problems over here with discrimination. You will rarely ever prove it unless you already work somewhere as interviewers can easily make up excuses and a lot of the time you won't even know if you've been discriminated against in those circumstances anyway.
They say they have already filled your original position. Was this before you joined? If after, that's very poor as they shouldn't have altered your contract between the acceptance & start date. That sounds like a possible breach of contract issue. If they advertised it but failed to amend it prior to all this, and someone joined in the meantime, then they sound incompetant. They should have stated the job had changed but I guess they blagged it?
What you can focus on is a) your mental health and b) your manager's insistence in increasing your workload. You go off due to too much workload and your manager responds not by trying to address issues but dumping more on you. That's about as dumb as it gets, try getting away with doing that with a physical disability!
What will they do to help you get back to work? What will they do to prevent you being overwhelmed in the future and how will your workload be addressed?
Employers continually shifting goalposts because they aren't staffed up shows they have some real management problems to me. Maybe they are being to cheap to staff up properly?
As far as the "no one has raised issues before" line goes, that's a poor copout.
Yes, that is what I am focusing on completely when I communicate with them. So far they have not offered any suggestions for reducing the stress or lessening the workload upon my return. They say they are happy to consider accommodations, but the one I bring up that would be helpful they turn down and they don't suggest anything else.
Honestly when I read the part about nobody else complaining, I wanted to call them up screaming (hormones will do that to you). If my leg was broken and I needed an elevator key, they wouldn't say "Nobody else has one." It's ridiculous. I have heard rumors around the company at trainings and such about the two CEOs being sexist, but I don't really have anything to go on there. It's just a rumor. One of them I never even met before.
They did fill the position after I accepted it ... I'm not sure exactly when in the timeline. I accepted in June with a start-date of August 15. In August, after I had left my old job, they told me about the change. I accepted because I needed work but was a bit hesitant. They are claiming I was enthusiastic. Maybe I sounded it, but I needed a job. And that shouldn't matter. I didn't know what it was going to be like at that point.
Am so sorry about the food poisoning-last thing you needed. Hope it's on the way out now although I know it can linger. How are you feeling otherwise? Any news?
I am hopeful the food poisoning is on the way out. I haven't had any more upset since this morning, just nervous to start eating again. Only had some toast so far today.
The HR woman called me this morning. She had another executive with her. They were much kinder than the letters that were passed on to me from the two CEOs. I'm glad I didn't have to speak with those two. They said that they do understand where I am coming from and that I am struggling, but that unfortunately there is nowhere to move me to right now and because of the structure of the program they can't change the job itself. I have some doubts about if they really cannot change the job itself at all, but at least they were kinder about it and more validating than the CEOs were. They said that if I were to resign, they would not hold me to the penalty listed in my contract and would not challenge any unemployment claim I filed, which was a relief to hear.
So I ended up telling them that I would not return. She said I would be eligible for rehire if I ever wanted to and they would not give me a poor reference. She is going to provide a summary of what we agreed to in writing and is going to look into how I should word my unemployment claim so that it goes through. I have had a look at the process, and I have to gather records from my last job as well so that might take a little time to get done. I tried calling them already, but they are technologically in the stone age and it takes them a while to do things. I hope they can get it done soon.
I am going to have to also talk to my student loan companies about deferment options, which I know they do have. But that has to wait until the unemployment is figured out.
Naturally I am a bit nervous until the financial piece is straightened out. I will not get as much as I made at the job, but I *think* we can get by if we make a few adjustments. My husband is nervous. He is trying to be supportive but is also putting pressure on me to find something else. I keep trying to explain to him that I am going to try my hardest, but that realistically it might be very difficult being 5 months pregnant to get hired. He says he understands, but then keeps going on about the jobs and says again "eventually we may have to sell the house." We are nowhere close to that point though. I know he is just nervous too.
I have had some guilt come back up about this. I probably won't feel comfortable until the unemployment claim goes through. I am relieved about not having to go back however. As I delve into this next phase, I will have to figure out how to not be inside too much and how to stay busy to stave off depression and isolation. But that's not something to worry about today. Today I just have to focus on this claim and maybe getting some food down.
For what it's worth I really think you have made the right decision. Your husband will realise that in time and when the initial panic has worn off. You have made your decision and mustn't allow any doubts to creep in. You have plenty to focus on and a lot to look forward to:hugs:
You're right, I do think I made the right decision. And honestly we can make ends meet if the unemployment comes through. I just get frustrated because other people don't move as quickly as I do with regards to giving me the documentation needed, etc. I would like to get this taken care of ASAP but I know I have to rely on others to complete their end as well.
I am a little embarrassed though ... even though I know I shouldn't be. I'm embarrassed about telling my family, what to say to friends, etc. My family can be quite judgmental and I have gotten better at not caring about that, but it still gets to me sometimes. My husband's family can be judgmental too even though they don't mean to be.
Of course today I am worried because I haven't felt the baby much and was feeling her a lot before this food poisoning. But there have been plenty of days where I don't feel her very much. I am trying to not think too much about it.
I found the kick monitoring very anxiety-inducing but it's hardly surprising. You've had a hugely stressful time of it lately and have just made a major work decision. You are going to feel unsettled and uncertain as to what others will say but it's your decision and they don't have to walk in your shoes. You know you've made the right decision.
Keep a mental note of the kicking but she'll be active when she wants to be! I got really obsessive about it-it's not a great idea!
I know and I don't think I'm anywhere near the kick-counting stage yet. Just the doctors usually ask if I feel movement and i say sometimes but not all the time and they just say that's fine. But then on some pregnancy forums people talk about feeling them all the time. Of course when my stomach was upset it felt like she was practicing marching on my insides but since then has been relatively quiet. It could also be her position.
My sister owns a fetal doppler to check the heart beat and has offered it to me but knowing me, I said no way! I know I would become obsessed and would freak out when I couldn't find the heart beat only because I am not a doctor and don't know how to really do it. I know myself too well to risk that!
How right you are!! If I could have got my hands on one I'd have been in a right state trying to find a heartbeat 24/7!!
So the process continues ... I applied for unemployment, which my former employer said they wouldn't contest. For some reason I have to have a phone hearing and am waiting for a letter to tell me when it will be. I'm a bit nervous about that. I am also antsy to get some finances coming in.
I'm thinking about contacting a temp agency for now just to bridge the gap until delivery. I've never done that before though so I don't really know what I'd be getting myself into. But mortgage is due next week and I want something other than my husband's income to help us.
A positive step - I was able to go up to Boston for a good friend's surprise birthday. I was anxious as we haven't seen each other in years but she recently moved back to the east coast. It was better than I expected and like no time had passed. Again good to feel normal.
It is always good to feel normal and to be able to get out of the anxiety mindset. I'm glad that it was such a positive experience-hopefully it will do you the power of good and will set you up for the next few days which will bring uncertainty as to what will happen re finance for you. I'm like you and would just want things to be sorted as soon as possible so that at least you know exactly where you stand and can plan accordingly.
I hope you get some news really soon.
Thanks Pulisa, I appreciate it. It sounds more and more like we are quite similar in some ways. You get how I think! I just want things sorted...
I had to do a bunch of online assessments for this temp agency. I did pretty well. Again I'm a little apprehensive about it and will not sign anything until I have all the info I need. But it doesn't hurt to talk to them and get info. We have a facetime interview tomorrow.
Tomorrow I also need to go to my place of work and get my stuff. I'm going to try to go after they have left for the day to avoid awkward interactions.
Had a scare last night. We have wood floors and I slipped and fell all the way down a flight of stairs. It really shook me up big-time. I was terrified that I hurt the baby. Luckily my back and butt took all of the hits, but I was still scared. I called the doctor on call, who said as long as I am not cramping or bleeding to stay home and take it easy but any cramping go to the emergency room. So far that hasn't happened. But my ass sure hurts!!! My husband will be putting in stair threads to make them less slippery. We were going to do that anyway before I got huge but just hadn't gotten around to it. Guess that was a wake up call.
That must have been very frightening and painful for you and another shock to the system you don't need. I'm sure you've taken the brunt of the fall though and your little one will be kicking away regardless of her Mum's pain! You poor thing, it's one thing after another. I feel for you having to go into work to collect your things but best to get it over with when it's quiet and you don't have to fend off any awkward questions if in fact there are any..
I bet you'd be ideal for the temp agency. See what comes of the facetime interview and what terms they offer. It sounds promising:hugs:
It really shook me up! My husband and the dog ran over and I just sat on the floor crying for about a half hour. The poor dog was nervous, she's such a sweetheart. We now have those anti-slip stair pads down and I feel a lot more comfortable. I think my balance is just off from all my physical changes. But baby has been kicking away. Yesterday it was cute. The dog would lay her head on my belly and each time she would kick at the dog's head. The poor dog had no idea what was going on.
I have my interview shortly today for the temp agency. We'll see how it goes. I am a little nervous but trying to just take it as information gathering and nothing to lose. Mail hasn't come yet so I have no way of knowing when my unemployment hearing will be. Luckily if it is granted, they will back-date the pay to last week. I hope there won't be a lot of hoops to jump through. I stress every time I have to spend money right now.
Just got my notice from DOL that my hearing will be 11/15 ... so a little over two weeks :scared15: I know it's not *that* long but when you don't have income coming in, it feels like it. I'm also nervous about how it will go.
My former employer said to say I was terminated (if you quit voluntarily you are not likely to receive the benefits) and they will not contest it, but I don't know how to word what happened. I have tons of paperwork to fill out and send in. They also invited my employer prior to this one to the hearing, as they want your employment history for the past two years. I'm hoping they just don't show up. I wish it was sooner so I could just get it over with.
I think the interview with the temp agency went alright. They said they will consider me for opportunities that may come up soon.
2 weeks must seem an age. I hope it's a formality for you and that they backdate your money. You must try to resist the temptation to ruminate on all the worst case scenarios because they may never happen.
Easier said than done when you have time to speculate though.
Hi,
Just sending well wishes hope things start getting a lot more positive in terms of money/jobs etc very soon and that bump is happy and active (apart from at night when you need to sleep :P )
XXX
As regards wording what happened, could your doctor not send a covering letter? I don't think you should have to "explain yourself" excessively because what happened was a result of having far too much on your work plate. Maybe others are struggling too but just don't voice their concerns. I know this happens at my husband's work. You reached a point where your brain was making things impossible for you to function normally.
Thank you, Vicky and Pulisa, for your well-wishes and words of comfort. I am trying to not ruminate too much and am trying to remind myself that my husband is going to be traveling a lot this month, which means we will have more money coming in than usual so that will help. I have been applying for jobs like crazy and have to also give myself a little breathing room so I am trying to structure it. I spend a couple hours in the morning doing job stuff and then focus on something else.
Pulisa, I think you are right about not having to explain myself. Honestly with these things I have read less is more unless they fight it. So if they keep to their word and don't appeal or fight it, I should be able to just keep it simple that it was not good for my health. I see the OB/GYN tomorrow (a nicer doctor in the office than the one I saw last time!!) so I will ask about a letter. I'd just like to get this over with!
Anxiety has been around a 5-6/10. I'm not having panic attacks but do find myself clenching my jaw all the time, having trouble sleeping, thinking obsessively. Therapy weekly helps to a point, but I also feel like I know myself well as I have done a lot of therapy throughout my life. Either way it is good to have a support. I suppose I could always ask her for a letter if I need it too.
Happy Halloween everybody! Is anybody dressing up? I don't have a costume, but we do get trick or treaters. The dog gets so excited to see the kids. She's funny. She has kept it up with being protective of me. Last night I was sitting with my husband on the couch and she was crying for a while. She had eaten and gone out, so we didn't know what she wanted. My husband got up to play with her and she immediately ran over to me, took his spot on the couch, and laid her head on my belly again. The baby started getting really active when she was there. It's pretty cute. Who knew she'd be so maternal?
Looks like your baby has already got a guardian angel..How wonderful our pets are!
We don't really "do" Halloween in my family. When my children were younger we did a bit more but now they aren't interested. You've got all this to come with your baby! The shops are full of Halloween stuff so it's thriving in the UK now although not on a par with US celebrations.
We didn't dress up or anything, but did pass candy out. It's fun seeing all the little kids in their costumes come around. The dog got lots of attention and pets - some were more excited for her than the candy! She's very good with kids, we're lucky with that.
Yes, it's crazy over here. They've had halloween stuff in the shops since August. The past few weeks there has been Christmas stuff out already. It's way too early.
MyNameIsTerry
01-11-17, 02:04
You can't beat a furry especially with a friendly cute face and a waggy tail! kids love them. Dogs are like kids so they just love the attention but thye love giving it back too.
I agree with pulisa, your child is going to have a good friend there. It's heart warming to hear your dogs behaviour. She obviously wants to reassure & comfort you after the fall, which must have be a real panic at the time and I'm so glad to hear you & baby are fine, and I think it's lovely she is friendly with the bump. As science is starting to tell us, they can sense a lot more from how our body scents change and I bet she knows there's a new friend growing in. What a great sign she will take to the new baby.
The only downside seems to be your husband now has to sit in the dog bed :roflmao:
So, your unemployment is a benefit payment? If it's like ours they usually don't backdate prior to the application date but any delay on their part doesn't affect the start date, it's just a payment delay. Lets hope they sort it soon though.
Try not to worry to much about interviews & things, they are usually standard things for those guys and they are just working through the motions of the A-Z of questions they are told to ask to tick the boxes. With both employers being supportive of this, it sounds like it's going to be a smooth process. It does annoy me that your employer hasn't try to help you, rather it seems they just tried to solve a problem for themselves this way, but I'm also glad they have helped because they don't sound like a good employer to me and long term you are better out of the place.
Are you looking for anything in temping? I've done it to bring gaps when I just needed a change or to get out as otherwise I would just get sucked into the daily grind and put it on the backburner again. Perhaps there will be some short term ones you can get into for some extra cash? Will it affect your unemployment claim though?
Only two trick or treat visits for our house tonight. It's died off loads over the last ten years. The shops still seem to sell lots of the gear though. I wonder whether more people just do it at home or have parties these days? Our weather can often scupper it as well.
It's lovely for little children trick or treating in groups with supervision from adults but I object to teenagers in hoodies begging from door to door for "treats". Threatening for elderly vulnerable people too.
Sad to see all the rotting pumpkins on doorsteps in the coming days..They always look so attractive when freshly carved. I was always rubbish at carving them though!
Cue all steam ahead for Christmas now!
That is such an adorable story about the dog!
We had one trick or treater so got a big tub of sweets to eat now :yahoo:
although I can make a tub of sweets last a month or more my husband would sit and eat them in a night so I might have to hide some for me haha
We are definitely hopeful that she'll be a good buddy for our daughter. She got poked in the eye by one little kid by accident and didn't even flinch - thank god! It's funny how they just know something is different. Makes me feel a little better about my husband's travel schedule coming up.
Yes, Terry, unemployment is a benefit payment you can get for up to 6 months in my state while you look for work. It's not a lot, but it's better than nothing. The only issue is you have to prove you lost your work of no fault of your own, so if you voluntarily quit you rarely get it. That's why it was important that my employer say they would not contest if I filed and that I could state I was let go. It's more of a pain to get it nowadays after the recession with a lot of people who were on it for a while. They base the payment on what you have earned over the past year, but there is a max you can get which is less than what I made. Regardless I'd be grateful for anything and it will help cover some bills. So basically I had to fill out 15 pages of paperwork and send it in yesterday and then have a phone hearing in two weeks. They invite the employers to the hearing but sometimes they don't bother participating, especially if they are not going to fight the claim. I think they have to financially put into it so sometimes employers fight it.
I did interview with a temp agency on Monday. I thought that would be a good fit, honestly, because of the temporary nature and I could get some work to fill the gap. It seemed to go well, but I have to follow up with them because the woman never emailed me the paperwork she was supposed to. I don't mind doing some temp work, money is money right now and I will definitely have to stop at least in mid-February.
Pulisa - luckily most of our visitors were young kids and everybody was dressed up. I think it being a weeknight we had less than usual. So we have a lot of candy leftover for us. The rotting pumpkins are sad!! We just did ours last week and they are already full of ants.
Vicky - I am like your husband, even when not pregnant! I asked mine to hide it from me because I can't stop! It's the reese's peanut butter cups that get to me most.
I had trouble sleeping again last night. I fell asleep, but woke up at 5 AM worrying about money. I am going to have to talk to my father about it. He is going to find out anyway because some of my student loan bills go to his house still, so he will see notices that I have applied for assistance because my income is gone. I guess it's nothing to be ashamed of, but it's still tough for me to talk about. He did know I was unhappy but not the rest. Not many people know at this point besides my husband, therapist, and coworkers. It's so hard to talk about.
I do have to get out of the house though. I am getting cooped up. I am going to maybe spend some time at the library doing my search instead of at home, I do have an ob/gyn appointment later, so at least I will be out.
I'm sure your father will support you in anything you decide to do. He would not want you to carry on working and jeopardise your health and that of his granddaughter. You may be surprised by how people in general support your decision and if some people say something out of turn you must remember that you made your decision based on your best interests not theirs. Any careless potential comments are just words which do not affect your life..and of course they may never happen, you're just anticipating them.
He probably will be supportive... I haven't talked to him yet, but if anything he will just be concerned for me. I just don't do well with people worrying about me. I prefer to fly under the radar. But then again that might be part of how I got to this point in my life.
I am so tired. I am trying to get out of the house each day, but just feeling really down on myself and also not sleeping well still. I had a doctor's appointment yesterday and it went well. Today I have the dentist - ugh! I hate it so much. But they really push you to go when pregnant. Something about all the hormones messing with your gums.
Over here treatment is free when you're pregnant and for a year afterwards (or at least it was when I had my children). I know it's not a good experience but I think pregnancy can affect your teeth and gums so it's best to get checked.
Glad your appointment went well. I'm not surprised you are feeling low-you've been through a lot mentally and must feel bombarded and overwhelmed not to mention totally wiped out. Can you allow yourself to rest when you feel exhausted ?
I did go, it was fine. I just hate the metal scraping tools they use. It's like nails on a chalkboard to me. I was tense the whole time so now my neck is a bit sore. But that's done for another 6 months. I'm glad I have kept up with going. At one point I went about 5-6 years without going in and the anticipatory anxiety about it had built up so much that I just forced myself and got it over with. Also my health anxiety had made me terrified I had oral cancer so I went. I guess that was one positive to my health anxiety as it got me back into the dentist's office, lol. It's not pleasant, you're right, but important. I'd rather get another pap smear! At least that's fast!
I did take a nap this morning, but the cat wouldn't let me sleep very long. She kept meowing at me. I'm just feeling pretty down today. It's bills time and I've applied for dozens of jobs this week and haven't heard anything except from the temp agency. They sent me some paperwork and I was reviewing it today, but I don't totally understand all of it. One part that is concerning is signing a document saying I won't sue them in the future. They also have some bad reviews online, but I know that's not everything. Usually it's the unhappy people who write online reviews.
I am just really worried I won't find something and I won't get the unemployment payments. If I get unemployment, we can make it by. I hate having to wait two weeks (and keep dipping into the savings) to have any movement on this. I know I am just complaining about the same things but being home is getting to me a bit. I need to get out more. Maybe I will spend some time at a coffee shop tomorrow. I have to look into some things to do in the community. I never had time before.
This weekend I do have a party at my friend's house. It's a small get-together, which is good. We all went to graduate school together. That will be a nice change of pace.
Making the transition from working all day to being at home can be difficult as it's getting used to a whole new world which you don't see during the weekdays. Do you have plans to do any antenatal (prenatal?) classes? You would meet a whole lot of mums-to-be who are at your stage of pregnancy and your baby would have some ready -made friends when she was born?
I hope you enjoy the get-together and that it gives you a break from the jobs treadmill. Must be very depressing ploughing through paperwork when you don't really know what you want and everything's uncertain.
We've been looking into prenatal classes. My doctor's office offers them, but so far they have not worked with my husband's schedule and I'd like him to go as well so he can know what to expect. I'm going to have to expand to maybe some other hospitals to see if they have ones that will fit. I am looking into some "Mom's groups" in the area and going to see if I can find anything. I'm not sure how people find these things!
The jobs treadmill - definitely depressing. I signed the paperwork for the temp agency so we will see if anything comes of that. I just need something at this point. I can feel myself slipping and the dark/short days don't help. We have daylight savings this weekend so it will get dark around 5 PM now.
I physically feel a little better today than yesterday, I'm wondering if it was from my flu shot I got on Wednesday. I was feeling dizzy and nauseous all day. It felt like trimester 1 all over again. But this morning I was able to eat.
Might just be down to all the stress you are going through? Whatever, it's good that you have your appetite back.
It might occupy you a bit doing a bit of research into prenatal groups and classes? I still see a friend from when I was pregnant with my son and he's 32 next week! I'd recommend getting to know a few moms-to-be in your area-they could be very supportive and you can share your experiences with a new baby plus the babies get friends too!
I've looked around a little today. It looks like the closest groups that at least are advertised online are over 30 minutes away. It still might be worth it. The local classes at hospitals are all for a fee, which I want to avoid if I can. We had budgeted to just attend one (it's a full-day 8 hour course). I do have a few prenatal yoga classes I had pre-purchased that I can still use and plan to go to another one on Sunday. They are pretty relaxing and it's a small group of moms.
Today I have continued my job search. I also got out and got some books at the library, walked the dog a few times, did some errands, and raked the leaves out back. It's shockingly warm. The raking is tough - I get tired pretty easily and had to take a nap. I don't want to nap during the day but maybe I just need to listen to my body right now. My husband is on a trip tonight, will be back tomorrow, and then will be gone most of next week. I'll miss him, but he gets paid a lot more when he does the trips so right now it's a blessing.
We're getting back to the time of year my mom got sick and died. Also her birthday is coming up. That's been on my mind. Out of my immediate family, she was definitely the only one I felt understood me. I can't believe this will be 7 years. It feels like yesterday. I've come a long way with my grief, but as you know, it doesn't go away. I still think about her every day.
I've just got through another anniversary and it doesn't get any easier,does it? I think these times make you very vulnerable and fragile. I understand how much your mom meant to you and how much you desperately miss her. Your daughter will always carry some part of your mom even though she wasn't able to meet her. I feel this about my daughter-I know how much my mother would have loved her despite her problems.
Raking leaves is back breaking work-please don't work yourself too hard!!
Enjoy meeting up with your friends tonight!
Those anniversaries really don't get easier. I'm sorry you had one recently as well. I think it's important to be aware, remember, and honor them. Our moms never truly leave us, do they? Thank you for your thoughts, as always, Pulisa.
I am taking it easy with the leaves. I only did a small portion because we have a TON and I can't believe there are still more on the trees! I also wanted to be outside a bit and get my mind off of things. I used the blower for a bit but that got heavy so the rake was actually easier. I'm not bending/bagging them though.
I did finally talk to my dad about everything that has happened. He was supportive and said he wanted me to leave the job anyway, that my health is what is most important and if there was ever an emergency he would help. He was upset to hear about the fall too. He is going to swing by while my husband is away over the next week. My problem is I don't tell people I am struggling and so they don't know.
This lack of sleep is so annoying! I've been up since 3 AM today. I woke up with a back ache, then just couldn't get back to sleep. I tried reading, deep breathing, getting up, etc. The baby started having a dance party too and that was a bit distracting. Eventually I gave up and took a shower, took the dog for a walk in the dark. I think I am doing a better job accepting when I don't sleep and not getting freaked out, but I also don't have any work to be at in the morning so it's less stressful on me if I am tired.
I think you are right in that worrying about sleep or lack of it just makes the problem bigger and more significant in your mind. You do have a lot to think about though and this must be having an effect. I just hope you hear very soon about your financial position because at least then you will know where you stand.
Glad to hear that you told your Dad. I don't tell anyone either. My sister wouldn't be able to empathise as she is very dismissive about mental health. My mother-in-law has also said that she's not the type of person to have a breakdown (she is happy to delegate all her tasks to her sons though). My Dad was always on my side too and I so miss being able to talk to him. I'm glad your Dad will be able to be with you when your husband is away.
I've got a real thing about fallen leaves on the grass in our garden. It got so bad that I had the tree chopped down:D and things are much more manageable now. The tree was dying and in danger of falling so I was justified in having it chopped down but it was also such a relief! (My dad had a thing about getting leaves raked obsessively too)
Hope your day is going well despite your very early start:hugs:
Haha, we have had three trees taken down since we moved in a few years ago because of the leaves!! We still have so many trees left. Apparently people say they add property value but it's a pain every fall! The leaves that have fallen so far are actually from the neighbors trees, not even ours :lac:
My sisters are similar as yours sounds. I figure I'll just let them find out through my dad. My husband's parents are very kind, but I hear them talking behind other peoples' backs quite critically so I am a little on guard about it with them too.
Thank you for hoping my day goes well! I was able to sleep for a couple more hours after I had gotten up this morning so that has helped a little. Hope you have a nice Saturday as well :hugs:
Thank you! I'm glad you managed to get a bit more sleep-if you've got the opportunity then make the most of it! Always makes me feel calmer.
It's sad that we both have to hide our difficulties from our families but better to talk to people who understand. How upsetting that your in laws comment like that. I'm sure mine do too. I can't afford to let it get to me though-it's a generation thing with them. A very poor excuse though.
We have fireworks displays going on here tonight and tomorrow for Guy Fawkes night. They get louder every year!
Oh wow, I didn't realize it was a holiday for you! Somebody in our neighborhood sets them off all summer long. I don't know if they are louder or I am just getting older and more sensitive to it, but the dog freaks out and it keeps me awake. It's kind of fun to go watch though. Hope you got some sleep!!
I know, it is hard keeping it in. I realize how hard I work keeping it in when it felt like such a relief to tell my dad. He has been calling and checking in now, is going to come and do the leaves for me because he doesn't want me doing it while my husband is away. But others can be so critical. It may be a generational thing, but I agree that it's a poor excuse. There are plenty of people from other generations who are understanding and compassionate.
I did have a good time at my friends' house. Nice to get out again. Weather is rough today, so I'm not sure what we are going to be doing. We may have to try to assemble the crib - looks complicated! We always argue when we try to assemble things together, we've kind of accepted that this is just part of our relationship :roflmao:
If ever my husband tries to put things together there are always bits left over...Not very reassuring! I'm hopeless with DIY and have no patience. Good luck with the crib project!
Fireworks night isn't a Bank Holiday here-just an excuse for a 2 week long firework bonanza! Should be tailing off after tonight though.
Glad you enjoyed time with your friends and could get away from the house.
Another day, another shooting in the US... heart-breaking, terrifying, awful. I don't want this to become a political argument on this thread, as I am just expressing my sadness and frustration. What kind of world do we live in where people sitting in church praying are shot dead? The same world that shot 6 year olds in my home state and nothing changed. I'm just feeling hopeless about this ever changing, especially with the current administration and the amount of money the NRA gives politicians.
Anyway.
Another week, another wait. Hearing isn't until next Wednesday. I have a few things to do today, including therapy. I have gotten a lot of rejections from jobs I have applied to, which gets frustrating. I have to stay motivated though.
Pulisa, I don't have patience with DIY stuff either. And I don't like to follow directions, which drives my husband crazy. I just kind of piece it together on my own. He goes very slowly with things so we move at different paces and get annoyed with each other. We didn't end up having time to do the crib, as he had a lot of work to do yesterday and is off to Germany tomorrow. Maybe I'll just have my dad help me with it when my husband is away. Somehow we don't fight when we put things together - we have similar temperaments. He's helped me do a few projects around the house in the past when my husband was away.
During one of our moves, we almost killed each other putting up curtain rods! So at this house I just put them up myself when he was away. It went much smoother :)
I can completely understand your heartache and frustrations about more killing, when things like this happen it's just awful.
I'm glad you're Dad is there to help
MyNameIsTerry
06-11-17, 17:29
Yes, it's so sad. Children terrified and killed. A five year old in surgery for multiple wounds. I just don't understand how any country keeps hold of antiquated bits of paper rather than tackle this issue. But it's all money really, if it wasn't you would see those laws change. Ours did and most of us didn't care, we were fine with it. The money men don't care about the average American's wants.
We had a furore over smoking bans. It still came in. The final push of a total ban would bring the same "I should have the right" stuff but the majority of the public wouldn't feel strongly so it would likely push through like the last public smoking areas ban.
Let's hope you get there eventually. :hugs:
That community is very small, it will be a massive impact on them. Knowing other Americans care will be a comfort. It's bound to make you think especially when you are bringing a child into the world but it's important to remember that the good outweighs the bad and most kids grow up loved and have good lives. That is something you can have a lot of influence on.
My dad is like you, he can't be bothered with instructions. He prefers to get the tools out and go at it. I'm a bit of both, assembly I read about but set up of things & using them I veer the other way.
I bet it's nice seeing your kid's room coming along?
And what will he be bringing you back from Germany? :winks: A big stollen would be nice as it's Xmas. :dribble:
You're right with the smoking ban example. I mean I feel like it's the case with any major change. Yes, we have the second amendment, but that was written in a time where people routinely held duels and shot each other. It's a different time now. I'm not saying guns should be totally banned, but we need some new protections. It's terrifying and sad.
I heard about a pregnant mother getting killed, an 18 month old, even the pastor's 14 year old daughter. Completely devastating to this small community.
I agree, what we can do is try to raise good people and instill compassion and kindness in the world. I just feel so disillusioned when money runs the show all the time.
I hope I get something from Germany! I've never been, nor has he. Between him going there and the Bahamas in a few weeks, I would like to see some decent souvenirs come my way :D
---------- Post added at 14:43 ---------- Previous post was at 14:39 ----------
Forgot to add - just came from my therapist's and we are going to be starting CBT-i. It's a CBT protocol for insomnia. It sounds really hard but is apparently quite effective. It's an 8-session course of treatment that she is trained in.
You start by tracking your sleep habits the first week. The second week you implement the protocol to increase your "sleep appetite." This includes the usual - going to bed at a specific time, waking up at a specific time, no napping, only using your bed for sleep, etc. But also if you find yourself laying in bed awake for more than 15 minutes you have to get up and leave the room. You can't return until you are sleepy. If you lay down and 15 minutes go by, get back up. Ok sounds doable so far.
The third week you work on increasing your sleep efficiency - so the amount of time you are actually sleeping while you are in bed. If your sleep efficiency is less than 85%, you have to reduce the amount of time in bed. It's a little confusing. For example if I go to bed and lay in bed for 9 hours but only 5 of them are asleep, my efficiency would be 56%. So I would have to REDUCE the time I am physically in bed to 6 hours in bed so that my body has to learn how to make the most of that time. So the next night you end up exhausted but the goal is to train your body to fall asleep fast and sleep as much as possible in those hours. Those are just the first three weeks. We haven't talked about what the following 5 would be like.
Eek!
I'd get insomnia just trying to puzzle all that out!:D
MyNameIsTerry
07-11-17, 02:14
I've had a read about CBT-i before. There's a Mindfulness one too, not sure what it's called though. CBT-i seems a bit like a sschedule being applied to what we already do by starving it & sticking to a programme no matter how tired or wired. I remember my GP telling me something similar but without the % efficiency stuff.
Good luck with it. I think in a shrt while you will be getting oe of the toughest CBT-i forms to exist and it's been around since women started having babies. :winks:
The Bahamas?! Is he some sort of international playboy? :biggrin: I'm going to have a look through the news for any big crisis averted by a secretive agency in these places around the times he goes...http://yoursmiles.org/psmile/military/p0238.gif (http://yoursmiles.org/p-military.php?page=2)
I bet they do some nice old fashioned style Xmas decs in Germany. We get them over here from mainland Europe.
There's a Christmas Shop in York which is open all year round selling German decorations. It's still busy in the height of Summer!
It's called Kathe Wohlfahrt and the tourists flock there in droves.
Terry - heh, that would be interesting, wouldn't it? Most of the time he goes boring places so probably not but I can always wonder! :roflmao:
The CBTi sounds tough but you're right, I will be doing similarly anyway when baby is here. At least this week is just the tracking phase. Interestingly I have switched to taking lexapro at night instead of in the morning and it might be helping a little bit. I still wake up, but I fall back to sleep within an hour instead of 3. I'll take it.
I'll tip my husband off about the Christmas stuff. That might be nice to have. We like to collect ornaments from places we have been, so I wouldn't be surprised if he goes that route.
MyNameIsTerry
08-11-17, 01:25
Aha! Average family man type, boring business trips...ever seen the film True Lies? :winks: What's his Argentinian Tango like? :biggrin:
We get some of the mainland style old fashioned decs and they are great! Wooden stuff, woodland themes rather than bright colours. Rustic stuff. I like it, it reminds me of wood cabins in films.
You'll probably be exhausted just filling the worksheets in once baby has imposed natures oldest sleep disturbance!
I love the more old-fashioned stuff, I feel like it's cosy and less intense. That's what we try to do too.
Hah, I won't be able to fit every time I get up on a worksheet once baby comes and to track why each time. I'm guessing it will go out the window at that point!
Last night sleep was bad again. I wake up around 2 AM most nights and yesterday I didn't get back to sleep until 5. I got up, came downstairs and started a fire. It's cold, we got some snowflakes for the first time this season yesterday.
This low back pain has been rough. I don't know if it's bad from the pregnancy or bad from the fall, but my hunch is both. I've been doing a lot of stretching, massage, hot/cold therapy, you name it. I think my tailbone is bruised as I can't sit on hard surfaces without it hurting.
Agh, woke up to frost everywhere today! It's so cold. The dog hated walking but she's stubborn, she won't go number 2 unless she is walked. She won't just go in the yard. :doh:
I'm getting pretty stir crazy. Yesterday I was feeling down because I have been rejected for jobs I am really qualified for. I ended up taking a drive up to a nature conservatory and walking around, which helped a little. I try to get out daily but there just isn't a lot to do around here. I have been trying to find local groups, striking out a bit.
I've just been feeling pretty useless. I want to paint the dresser and baby room, but everybody tells me you aren't supposed to be exposed to paint fumes when pregnant so I can't really do that I guess. I'm getting more worried about the hearing next week and financial situation. I'll be worried until we have an answer. I don't know if they will even tell me at the hearing or if I will have to wait for a decision. I don't want to spend a lot of money on stuff for the baby until I know if I will get the unemployment to supplement.
swgrl, I'm sorry things have been so stressful. I'm in the process of scanning through this thread, but you certainly don't deserve for things to be so rough - especially while you are pregnant.
Job hunting can be tough. I have a job but am looking for an evening job to supplement because I have student loans to pay back and I need to figure out where I am going to live next year. It's stressful. I'm on pins and needles waiting for one job to call me back; I got rejected from a night clerk position because I'm a woman and he just couldn't have a woman in the store alone at night. :/
My dad lost his job in August (he wasn't happy there and is now retired) and went through the unemployment process. It's just nasty. So unfair.
You might check at local paint supply stores - I believe there are certain paints that don't have the dangerous fumes that you can use to paint if you'd like. It might be nice to give you something to look forward to.
Just remember, you will push through this. It won't be easy and it won't be fun, but you can do it.
Hi Poppy, thanks for your sentiments and thoughts. Job-hunting is really stressful and I have tons of student loans as well. I was on an income-based repayment plan, so I told them I was unemployed and they are recalculating my payment. Hopefully that helps. They are federal loans, so I think if you have federal you might have that option too. I'd rather pay them all off, but that's not realistic right now for me. I'm sorry about the job you were rejected for :( I don't agree with the reason he gave you. That sounds like discrimination to me, although I wouldn't want to work somewhere unsafe either.
That's a good idea about the paint store. I bet they do have some options. I bet other people have gone through this.
I'm trying to take it one day at a time. I got really down on myself last night and had a bit of a breakdown on the phone with my husband. He was able to talk me down and I feel a little better today. This cold weather is brutal though. Makes it hard to go anywhere.
Hope you are ok,swgrl09? The waiting for Wednesday is nearly over but the hours must be dragging.
I am hanging in there. I am ready for Wednesday. Husband got back last night, which was good. Unsettling news though - they've announced over 100 people will be laid off at his company after Thanksgiving so right around the holiday time. This sent me a little over the edge when I heard it. The company is big, over 4000 people. He says he is not worried, usually people who make more money than him get laid off and his department already let people go recently and is understaffed. I hope he is right. That's the last thing we need. It's hard for me not to think catastrophically because if he lost his job, there goes our health insurance, any income, house, etc. I have no idea what we'd do. But so far he still has his job and he tells me he is not worried so I have to trust him.
Not news you want to hear but if he is confident that his job is safe then you are right to trust him. I'm glad he is back with you and will be with you for Wednesday.
Yes, me too. I am trying to trust him about the layoffs. His company does layoffs every so often so we have been through this before and he usually gets a sense for what department will be hit. When it was his specific department, he told me he didn't make enough and did too much to get cut and he was right. Now it's more across the board. I'm trying to trust him because I can't worry about that right now. We won't know for a few weeks anyway. For me, the stakes have never been this high before, which makes it feel different and scarier.
How terrible for them to announce that there will be layoffs, but make employees wait for weeks to find out if their job is safe! Can't make for a fun Thanksgiving for anyone.
I'm sure his job is safe. I'm always terrified of losing my job, but like your husband, we are understaffed and I do a lot for not too much pay in my position, so my job is relatively safe. Still terrifying though!
Have you ever tried journaling? It can help to get thoughts out, but I've always enjoyed going back through my entries later after the "storm" has passed and reading my biggest fears and realizing how I made it through what I thought at the time was a catastrophic time. It's helpful to realize you really can make it through.
Good luck, hope Wednesday goes well. :)
Thanks for your response, Poppy! I know, and right around the holidays too. It's a pretty big/well-known company so I guess it leaked to the news. The company itself has not said anything, but this is how it tends to go and how it has gone in the past too. He continues to reassure me that, like you, he works too much for too little of money (the one time that's a good thing!) and has been given a lot of tasks over the next 6+ months so he is not worried at this time.
You know, I have a journal and I always forget about it. I used to journal a lot and enjoyed writing quite a bit. The last time I wrote in it I think was months ago. I should remind myself to do that more.
Thanks for your well-wishes, I will keep you all posted about Wednesday :hugs: I don't know if I get a decision then or have to wait for a letter, so we'll see. Hope your week is going well!
I think you should definitely start your journal again. You will be able to look back in years to come and compare how life was before Motherhood because you probably won't remember!!:D
Yes, I think I will try that. Thanks for the suggestions :)
Today is the day for the hearings. They are at 1:45/2:30 respectively. For some reason they divided it up into 2 because I have had 2 employers over the past two years. I don't really see it taking that long though.
My back has been so sore, I am thinking this is just going to be how it is now in pregnancy. I'm two weeks away from my 3rd trimester (how is that even possible!) so I am guessing it's the extra weight pulling on my spine. Sleep has been so hard. I just can't get comfortable. Last night I just felt like it was all spasming at once. Better get used to it!
---------- Post added at 14:05 ---------- Previous post was at 10:05 ----------
So I just finished my hearing. It was actually surprisingly fast and easy. I was approved for the benefit, so that will give me some income while I look for work. That's a BIG relief, as so far I have been striking out majorly with the job search. So one major worry down! Now just waiting on husband's layoffs... he continues to not be worried so I am trying to not be worried as well.
I am thinking about maybe starting my own practice next year after the baby is here. It might be a better option for me long-term. I'm doing a little research into it now and talking to people.
Tonight we are going to a childbirth preparation class. I'm excited for my husband to go. I'm anxious and have already done a lot of reading and watching videos (scary!!), but I think it will be good for him as he asks me a lot of questions and doesn't always have time to do the reading on what to expect. I am looking forward to doing something together too.
I'm so glad it was a formality...as it should be. Huge relief for you .
Enjoy your class tonight! Time to focus on the future which is bright!:hugs:
Me too, and you've been so supportive throughout the wait. I feel really relieved right now. :hugs:
I'm glad you got some good news! Opening your own practice would be a wonderful adventure, I'm sure.
Thank you, Poppy :hugs: I hope so. There's a lot of work that would have to go into it and planning, and it would be taking another risk but I've been making excuses not to do it for a while and just working jobs I hated. I hope it would be a positive thing for me.
It sounds like a great project and something you could really focus on. With your life experience you could offer such a high quality service to clients.
Thank you, Poppy :hugs: I hope so. There's a lot of work that would have to go into it and planning, and it would be taking another risk but I've been making excuses not to do it for a while and just working jobs I hated. I hope it would be a positive thing for me.
My dad had a water/wastewater company for several years when I was younger. It was a lot of work, but very profitable and he loved it. He eventually went out of business because his districts were annexed into the city (not through any failure of his own) but still has the company in name. He recently retired and we're trying to get him to start a consulting business because he's very good at what he does; he was unfairly forced into retirement by poor government.
If I were better at business I'd love to own my own. I think you could do a lot of good!
Wow, that's amazing of your father! It's a shame that the city annexed the districts, but sounds like he found a lot of success and happiness. I'm optimistic about this for myself. I will have to talk to some friends who have done it and get some information, but hopefully I can create a job I enjoy instead of working for companies that take advantage of their employees.
My unemployment finally came through yesterday. I am so relieved. I thought it would take a little longer after the hearing, but the adjudicator said it was an easy decision so maybe that expedited things.
I've started to notice baby hiccups - it's quite cute/amusing.
That's fantastic news you're getting a bit of income I can imagine it'd be a huge relief!
Awww baby hiccups sound adorable
It is definitely a relief, thanks Vicky. Of course now my mind needs to find something else to worry about and is worrying about after the baby comes and starting the business... I'm trying to keep it in check as best as I can.
I've also gotten sucked back into some bad health anxiety. Usually when I'm on the lexapro it doesn't get this bad. I'm guessing I was just more focused on the finances and now that's temporarily sorted, so my brain is latching onto something else and found it's good old friend, HA. I don't know if something about the lexapro isn't working right with my body chemistry due to the pregnancy - could it have changed and is not as effective because of all the hormones? Or maybe the hormones just are so out of wack that any meds won't work very well. I just feel like my brain is "on" constantly, especially in the middle of the night.
My next doctor's appointment is next week, so I will see how I feel then and ask about it. I am seeing the doctor who was pretty harsh with me before, not the nice one who takes his time with you. I guess we'll see how it goes.
I can so relate to that! You've got one worry that resolves so you then find another thing it's like 'give me some peace I just fixed a problem I don't need you to find another one!' lol
Urgh I hope the Dr is better today
I know, I just want some peace and quiet in my head! It's exhausting honestly. I feel my mind jumping from one thing to the next.
Last night I tossed and turned all night. I didn't sleep well again. Seems to be par for the course. I am sick now, have a cold or something... sore throat, stuffy nose, you name it. Supposedly the OB/GYN is only worried if you have a fever, which I don't, so I'm just laying around. I hate feeling unproductive though. The dog isn't getting enough exercise but I really just have no energy. Thanksgiving is in two days and I'd like to be feeling a little better by then.
I had a phone interview for a job today. I hope it goes through. I'm a little nervous. I wasn't going to mention being pregnant just yet until further in the process, but she asked if I would need any time off in the next few months so I figured it was better just to be up front about it. We'll see where it goes.
Best to be honest about your situation and then you know where you stand. Fingers crossed for a positive outcome.
Sorry that you're under the weather and I hope you feel better for Thanksgiving. Do you enjoy Thanksgiving and have you made any plans for it this year?
Thank you, I hope I kick this soon too! I usually enjoy Thanksgiving, however the main course is always turkey and since being pregnant, I cannot stomach poultry at all! I can eat ground turkey like in the form of a turkey burger, but a roast turkey or chicken makes me want to throw up. I don't know why - something about the texture, smell, and flavor. So I guess I'll just do my best to eat the sides and dessert!! I'm going to my aunt's house, who is doing most of the cooking. I'll bring a dessert. Then the next day is my friend's bridal shower.
Hubby sent me pics of the bahamas ... I'm so jealous. It's been cold!
Ah but being pregnant in all that heat wouldn't be much fun either..! I'm sure he'll be bringing you back some lovely gifts.
I'm glad that you won't have to be cooking tomorrow. Good luck avoiding the turkey-shame that you'll have a double whack of it with Christmas being just around the corner!! Do you actually enjoy these family get-togethers and are family members being supportive? I hope so. You need kindness and empathy from those who are meant to be closest to you-I know it doesn't always happen, certainly not with me.
You know this one will be interesting. It’s the first one since one of my sisters has moved back from the west coast and our relationship isn’t great. Usually I enjoy these get together and my aunt, who is throwing it, is very supportive. I enjoy being with that family. But my relationship with both of my sisters has its ups and downs for many reasons so they are the ones who cause the most stress. The one who recently moved back has gotten divorced, remarried, and just told us last week she is pregnant all in the past year. I’m not one to judge but just sounds like a lot. I’m trying to be happy for her as it will be good for our daughter to have a cousin her own age, it’s just we have such a rocky relationship anyway that it’s a little weird and uncomfortable. There’s a long history of her trying to compete all the time so I’m hoping it’s not going to be like that. And since she has moved back my other sister has gravitated back to her so we aren’t very close either anymore .. not including all the emotional drama in that relationship too. The two of them have always been so close and I’ve always felt like the “second choice” so it’s a frustrating dynamic. They also love being center of attention and I’m the opposite!
So well see how this goes. I am hoping for just a relaxed and laid back day. I’ll miss my husband but we will do our own mini feast when he gets home.
So pretty tricky then...Isn't it a pity when you don't really get on with your siblings or feel a bit belittled by them. I don't have a close relationship with my sister-she's one of those "all about me" people. Fortunately she'll be in another country for Christmas.
I hope you have a good day tomorrow and don't get rattled by your sisters. I'm sure your Aunt will make sure that you are well looked after and when your husband gets back you can have your own Thanksgiving celebration. Do you exchange presents or is that just at Christmas?
We don't exchange at Thanksgiving, just Christmas. We have decided to keep that low key though because of finances so we'll be baking and giving pies/cookies/breads to family members. My husband and I are just doing small gifts for each other - though I know he will go over the budget we set. My in-laws still want to get us gifts, they usually go above and beyond.
Friday is "black Friday" with "discounts" for shopping, but I usually don't bother with that. The stores are insanely busy and it's no longer just Friday either. Over the years they have made it earlier and earlier, so some stores are opening at 6 PM on Thanksgiving Day. I feel badly for the people who work in retail and can't just have a holiday with their families. People go insane too! Lining up ahead of time, trampling each other, etc. People have gotten seriously injured at Walmarts and other stores in the past. I find the deals aren't that great, or if they do have a great deal, it is on literally 1 item in the store.
Sometimes I will browse online but that's it. I'm not dealing with the crowds or getting trampled to death over a TV!
We've got Back Friday-itis here too! It now goes on for 2 weeks on some sites/stores. Horrible. Makes a mockery of the UK's apparent "austerity" status.
Well, I've been invited back for a second interview! I'm surprised really, especially because I did tell her I was due in March. But that's good to hear and has got my spirits up a little. I also got a call for another phone interview for a different position. We'll see how it goes!
That's really good news! Well done!
Thanks :) The hours are a little different, so it may be tough to figure out childcare but one step at a time.
Congrats! That's such wonderful news :)
How did Thanksgiving go? My brother and his wife came back and he's kind of a jerk, so it hasn't been easy dealing with him. It's such a bummer when siblings can't just be nice. :/
Thank you! Thanksgiving was okay, I had some difficulty with my sister and am okay with having a little break from her for a while. She has been making it all about her and that gets on my nerves. I've also still been pretty sick and have no voice, all stuffed up. Today my husband is home from his trip so we are making our own Thanksgiving meal together.
I can definitely empathize with dealing with siblings!! Hopefully you had some relaxing time away from him!!
Well, despite having this bad cold, we did our thanksgiving together and it was very nice. I sometimes prefer it just being the two of us. We also got the Christmas tree and decorations up and the house looks beautiful.
Somehow my sleep continues to be better, which is great, even though I have been sick. You would think it would be worse. But maybe I've been too sick to feel so anxious! :roflmao:
Heaps of positvity for a very lovely person. x
Thank you so much :hugs: Sending positivity to you as well, Carnation :)
Did you get a present from the Bahamas?
I'm sure your house looks beautiful!
Nah, husband said he looked but it was all touristy and expensive. He wanted to get something more authentic/unique which I definitely can understand. He worked a lot and has been so tired.
The house looks great, thank you! I had another phone interview for a job today. They sounded interested in me. I am waiting for a call back to schedule an in person interview. I think the recruiter has been out due to the holiday. I am being considered for 2 different roles with the same company. Fingers crossed...
yvonne_uk_98
27-11-17, 21:49
I hope you get the job, I will keep you in my prayers Swgrl09. thinking of you. :hugs:
I had another phone interview for a job today. They sounded interested in me. I am waiting for a call back to schedule an in person interview. I think the recruiter has been out due to the holiday. I am being considered for 2 different roles with the same company. Fingers crossed...
Wishing you luck and a positive outcome. You're so helpful and empathetic to others on here and I'm sure you would make a great staff member :shades:
Thank you both, Yvonne and KK, for your kind words :) I will keep everybody posted.
My face-to-face interview is scheduled for Monday at 10:00 AM ... I'm nervous but also feeling level-headed about it. I think the lexapro is starting to help a bit. I've been obsessing *slightly* less about health issues and at least able to let things go a little easier. Sleep is also improving (when I'm not coughing from this cold). Step by step!
Baby is so active it's crazy. When I can see her from the outside moving around, it freaks me out a bit - it feels like the Alien movies where the alien baby bursts out of peoples' bodies. I had a doctor's appointment today and am gaining healthy amounts of weight finally after not gaining for some time. Makes sense, as I feel HUGE. Next is the gestational diabetes test in a few weeks.
Am so pleased that things are picking up for you. You deserve some good fortune and a run of good mental and physical health as you approach your final trimester.
I developed gestational diabetes at around 28 weeks with my daughter. It disappears after the birth but it's reassuring that you are being routinely monitored for it.
Best of luck for Monday!:hugs:
Yeah, I will be around 28 weeks at the time of the test. They are pretty thorough. They do a 1-hour test where you drink a sugary drink and they see how your blood sugar changes. If you fail that, you come back for a 3-hour test that sounds horrible because you have to fast before and it takes a while. So hopefully I don't have to do that one, but if I do, I guess it's for the best that it is caught! Thank you for your kind words Pulisa :) I hope the interview goes well. Either way I am getting organized with possibly starting my own practice next year so I am feeling a little better about things.
Yesterday was the day all the layoffs went down at my husband's job. So far (knock on wood) he has survived. I think they were trying to tell everybody yesterday but I will still be a little on edge through today just in case.
I'm relieved to be sleeping better, but now I can't seem to get enough! Maybe just from carrying around extra weight all the time.
I had my interview this morning. I think overall it went very well. I was comfortable answering the questions they asked me and think I answered well. I definitely think I am qualified for the job. I was honest about the pregnancy, as I figured it wasn't serving anybody to try to hide it. I don't know if that will ruin my chances, but if it does, it tells me a lot about the employer anyway. It does sound like a decent opportunity though and is a bit different from what I was doing before. So I am optimistic and I'm hopeful that I made a good enough impression to make the pregnancy not a deal-breaker.
I know legally they can't refuse to hire you, but they could easily just say somebody else was a better fit. She said they would make a decision in the next week or so.
Other than that, things have been quiet which is good. Baby moves more and more every day. She feels like an acrobat now. My husband and I are going into the city tomorrow because he got free tickets to our alma matter's basketball game, so I'm looking forward to that. It looks like it might rain though, which would be rough as we tend to walk a lot when we go.
The tough thing is that we decided we were not going to buy Christmas gifts this year for a lot of people due to finances and the baby coming, but instead make cookies and breads to give out. So I told my family that was our plan, but my husband didn't tell his family. They are all sending me Christmas lists now which is stressing me out a bit. I keep asking him to talk to them, but he forgets. I need to get this clarified.
They also are being stubborn about vaccines. We are asking all close family who might be taking care of the baby to get their flu shots and TDap (whooping cough/pertussis) shots. My nephew got the flu from somebody when he was 2 months old and was hospitalized - it was so scary!! And the person who gave it to him only held him for a short period of time. It's also highly recommended by the doctor. I know I can't control everything and she could still get sick, but I also don't want to expose her early to things unnecessarily before she can get her own vaccines. So my brother and sister in law did it, all my family did it, but my husband's parents are being stubborn because they don't want to. I hate to be the bad guy and put my foot down, but after seeing my nephew get sick so young, I don't want to risk it. I want to respect their wishes, but this is going to be a newborn.
I guess this is just part of parenting!
Ugh. Vaccinations are so easy and inexpensive as well, and such a good idea - obviously you don't want to get sick yourself! I was vaccinated for both because I'm terrified of catching either, but the flu especially. My boss specializes in biohazards and diseases so I hear an earful about all the awful things about various illnesses. Thankfully my fluoxetine has my HA under control! :)
That's exciting about the job!
Thanks! I know, I try to be respectful of other people's opinions of them, but I love them and will get any vaccination possible!! That may be related to my HA, haha. I always am disappointed I cannot get the shingles one until I am 60, as I know people my age who have gotten it and been in so much pain.
My father-in-law always swears the flu shot makes him sick, which is disproven scientifically. The worst that has happened with me is feeling a little tired the next day but that's about it. I can't imagine working with somebody who specializes in diseases and biohazards - that would definitely set me off!
I think it's a sensible precaution to get any vaccinations offered when you anticipate being around a newborn-I hope they change their mind when they know how disappointed you are. My daughter developed acute viral pneumonia and septicaemia at 4 weeks of age from my son's chest infection (I had gestational diabetes which they said could have compromised her respiratory system) and it was touch and go in intensive care. They are very fragile so whatever you can do to protect them (within reason) should be done.
Pulisa, you must have been so stressed and scared during that time!! I can't imagine. I remember seeing my infant nephew hooked up to all the IVs, oxygen, etc and it was so scary. He was tiny and the flu knocks grown men off their a** so an infant? I imagine it's even worse with pneumonia and septicaemia. I'm glad she pulled through that.
I may just have to be the bad guy and put my foot down. Otherwise they can wait until she is old enough to get her vaccines to hold her and spend time with her. :shrug: It would be sad and hard, but her health has to come first and she won't have the immune system that all of us adults have.
Urgh families can be so frustrating! I think you're being entirely reasonable on both issues of the present buying and the vaccinations.
I don't understand why anyone wouldn't get the shots in order to protect someone they love?? If you can't or won't get vaccinated then you should be selfless enough to distance yourself from vulnerable people.
When is baby due? Do you mind me asking how you're feeling about the birth?
Best wishes
X
Thanks for understanding, Vicky. Baby is due the first week of March, so I am just starting my third trimester... homestretch now. I'm excited about it. I have days where I am nervous, but honestly with regard to the baby and the birth I have been calmer than I expected. I've been completely anxious about other things in my life, however! But I feel like i just kind of trust that my body and my doctors know what to do. I'm very excited to meet my daughter.
Not long at all! Very exciting times, I'm glad you're feeling calm about the birth. I do worry about it if we were ever to have a baby because i tend to get triggered by physical pain but like you say I just tell myself women do it all the time, sometimes multiple times! haha
You're absolutely right. People have been doing this over and over again for thousands and thousands of years. So I am trying to just trust my body. I am of course a bit nervous, but I also have given my doctor the okay to give me any and all pain meds :roflmao:
I do have some good news. I got the job! I am really surprised, as everybody told me to hide the pregnancy if I could until I got an offer. But in my gut I didn't feel right about it and wanted to take the pregnancy into account with any job I ended up accepting because honestly that's what comes first now. And the interviewer sounded appreciative that I shared it, although I still had some doubts. But they want to hire me! My start date is 1/2/18 after the holidays pending background checks, but I have no concerns about those. I feel really relieved.
I will be working 4 days a week but longer shifts so it is still full time. It's the same field but a little different of a position, more phone-based work and seems more structured. I'm optimistic about it.
Wonderful news and what a huge morale boost for you! Am absolutely delighted for you!! xx
Thank you :D It has really lifted my spirits a bit. I'm feeling good about this.
And so you should! Great timing just before Christmas and some financial security to settle those worries. Definitely time to celebrate!!:hugs:
:yahoo:
How awesome - congrats! I'd say that working a little longer each day is worth the three day weekend. :yesyes: I agree that it's time to celebrate, you should treat yourself to a nice dinner (or just some really amazing junk food!).
Thank you! I hope so, it's something I have thought about before... working the longer days but having more days off. I think it will be a good mix.
Right now they are having issues with my background check because they forgot to ask for records from my previous employers under my maiden name, not my current name. :doh: They ask about it on the application, but apparently didn't consider it. So I have had to fax them my tax documents from 8 years ago - thank god I still had them! Hopefully that clears it up.
We're getting our first decent snowstorm tomorrow. I'm actually excited about it, as I don't have to go anywhere. My husband does have to go to work, but he only works about 10 minutes away and this year we finally have a car with 4 wheel drive so I am not too anxious about it.
So good to hear such fantastic news well done!
:yesyes:
---------- Post added at 15:15 ---------- Previous post was at 15:15 ----------
In England when we get a dusting of snow everything seems to stand still lol I often think we need to take tips from the Americans about driving in snow
Thanks, Vicky!
I live in New England, so we get decent amounts of it. As long as you go slowly and safely, it's not bad. The problem is really when other drivers are careless. Those are the people who make me nervous! I try to take my time when the roads are slippery or snow-covered and somehow there is always somebody tailgating me or trying to pass me.
The good - it's a beautiful snowy day where I don't have to go anywhere. My husband is home safely from work, we have a fire going, and I made Christmas cookies.
The ehhh - Our happy dog has a growth on her neck. I noticed it a few weeks back. I took her to the vet this week because it didn't go away and the vet wasn't able to identify it. She said it was too small to biopsy, but we could either watch and see what happens or sedate her and have it removed and tested. I decided to watch and see, but now it is clearly growing more. I will call on Monday to see if we can have it removed. It will be costly, but we do have pet insurance so that's what it's for. But I'm more just worried it's something nasty. She's the happiest, goofiest dog and hopefully she is healthy.
I feel like people and pets always get sick around the holidays in my life!
Hi swr , great news on the job front and you seem to be doing a lot better , your posts seem more positive ( haven't looked in for a bit ) when the baby does come I have all sorts of parenting advice on what not to do , my daughters say I mentally scarred them with trips to the park I remember it as character building .
Our older dog has a lump the size of a golf ball on her shoulder , it's taken about three years to get that big and it's been looked at several times , maybe a cyst, it's only attached to her skin and doesn't bother her so at 11 years old we won't have her put under to have it removed , I've learned from my last dog some things are just best left alone , dogs get lumps and bumps not all of them are serious.
Take care and enjoy the snow , we might have it by morning :hugs:
Hi Buster, nice to hear from you :) I am doing better, which is a big relief. I will probably be posting all the time looking for parenting advice once the little one is here! I'm sure your girls aren't too scarred :roflmao: My mother used to tell us we'd write books about how "evil" she was someday.
Yeah, I go back and forth about the lump. She's only 3 years old and dogs have a lot of weird things that they just live with. Maybe I'll just tell the vet that it seems to have grown a bit and see what she says. It is attached to her skin, I don't think it's really under the skin that I can tell. Almost looks like a wart or something growing.
We've got about 5 inches of snow so far - enough to look pretty but not cause too much of a headache! This year my in-laws gave us a used snow blower, so that makes life so much easier as our driveway is pretty long. Last winter I noticed that all the big storms seemed to come when my husband was away for work, leaving me with the shoveling :lac:
No shovelling for you this year-you have the perfect excuse!
Vets can tell a lot from lesions. If it's encapsulated it's always a good sign. Could you get it biopsied and then go from there? Always best to avoid anaesthesia if there is no urgent need. Fingers crossed for your lovely dog-she is young so things are in her favour.
From what the vet said, even though it's growing, it is still too small to biopsy. At the last visit, she said the next best option would be to just remove it and send it out for testing or we could watch it. But it seems to have grown a little more. It's not big, but just that it is changing is a little worrisome. But you're right, she is young so that is in her favor for sure. She is definitely still acting like herself, so regardless of what it is, hopefully it is small enough that removal just takes care of it. But I'll see what the vet says tomorrow on the phone.
I'd be guided by your vet because she should be able to have a rough idea of what type of lesion you are dealing with. She wouldn't let anything remotely suspicious just grow if it could be removed safely now.
So the vet took another look at her today, free of charge, which was very nice of her. She said it's still too small to do anything about. She would want to avoid having to sedate her if possible and doesn't want to do unnecessary procedures. It's also still too small for the fine needle aspiration that she could just do easily without sedation. So she measured it, told us to use a ruler and if it gets to a certain size, to come back in.
I was still a bit nervous, as she mentioned it could be nothing or if it rapidly grows, could be a mast cell tumor, which is common in boxers (our dog is a boxer/beagle mix). She said she is very vigilant about those and was known as the mast cell tumor specialist in her previous practice, so that reassured me a bit that she wouldn't just let us go home and watch it if it was unsafe to do so.
I feel slightly better, so I guess we will just measure it weekly and hope it doesn't change too much.
One small frustration - I took her back today after she was seen last week because my husband was concerned it was growing and wants it just removed. He was working, so I called the vet who suggested she re-check it and we had the visit as I described above. I asked if he wanted to come and he gave me a bit of an attitude and said there wasn't any reason for both of us to go. But then I get home and give him the update, and he seemed a bit displeased that it didn't get removed today and kept saying it is growing. Part of me wanted to say "Well you should have come then instead of putting up a fight!" But decided it wasn't worth it. I'm not too upset, just needed a quick vent about it. Don't refuse to go, but then be concerned about the outcome and the questions I asked/didn't ask.
So last night I ended up at the hospital for a couple hours. I was having some issues and the nurse at my doctor's office thought my water might have broken (at only 28 weeks). We ended up in labor/delivery to get checked and thankfully it was not broken! Just some extra fluid that is normal in pregnancy sometimes but the nurses take it seriously just in case, as it can be similar to the fluid when your water breaks. Baby's heart sounded great, although she was so active she kept kicking the heartbeat monitor and interfering with the results. Guess she doesn't want to be monitored :roflmao:
Very frightening scenario but so glad all is well with you and your still nicely cooking baby!! She doesn't want to come out yet but even in the worst case scenario, she's viable now but obviously you want to keep her growing safely inside you until your due date.
I had all sorts of problems with my daughter at 22 weeks and was just so glad to get to the "magical" 28 week mark. :hugs:
I can't imagine! I have a cousin who gave birth at around twenty something weeks and her baby was less than 2 pounds. It was a very rough road, but she is now 2 and doing amazingly well. But not something I want to go through if we can avoid it!
Very premature babies face a big uphill battle despite all the advances in neonatal care. I'm so glad that your cousin's baby is fine despite her very early arrival. Your baby is staying put for the time being-always good to get checked out if you are worried though. Don't take on too much over Christmas? Let yourself be looked after (while you have the chance!:D)
Going through a bit of a nervous period right now. I had my first 1-hour glucose screening for gestational diabetes and failed it. The nurse also popped my vein and then I fainted. It was just a mess of a day.
Today I took the more conclusive test, the 3-hour test where you drink a more concentrated sugary drink and they test your blood every hour for 3 hours. The first test is not diagnostic but meant to narrow the field of who needs to be tested. The 3 hour test was really unpleasant, as I had to fast for it and then sit there for three hours with this heavy sugar concoction in my stomach and unable to drink water. I felt pretty nauseous until the last hour. My husband came with me because the first test went so poorly for me.
I'm really hoping I don't have GD. I would be so surprised if I did, as I have literally 0 family history of diabetes, am not overweight, haven't been gaining much during pregnancy, and my BP has been low and not high, but I guess it's a hormonal thing really. But I was still surprised I failed the first test. According to the woman at the lab, a lot of people fail the first test and pass the second so I am trying to tell myself that. It's just hard waiting for the results now, especially with Christmas this weekend. I'm guessing I won't hear until after the holiday but am thinking about how I should be eating in the meantime.
Bleh I'm trying to be rational about it and not diagnose myself before the results come in, but I can't help thinking about it.
I hope it's not GD but if it is you will be carefully monitored and the condition does go immediately after the birth. I coped with it but had to inject insulin-I didn't feel ill at all. You do need to get a conclusive diagnosis so your baby's weight doesn't soar. My daughter was 8lb 8oz at 37 weeks,. If the worst comes to the worst you will get loads of support and advice and it will be only for a temporary period-hopefully you will be in the clear though:hugs:
Thanks, Pulisa. I am trying to tell myself that. I only have 11 weeks to go (maybe less), so it won't be for too long of a period if I do have it. I just worry about the greater chances that she will have diabetes in her life or that I will. I don't know why, but I also have some guilt about it like i am not providing her with the best environment even though I know it is hormonal and not something I have control over.
I was severely diabetic for the last 12 weeks-insulin dependent. The GD vanished as soon as my daughter was born. Neither of us has diabetes now. It's like pre-eclampsia and is pregnancy-induced. Nothing you can do about it and random. I didn't get it in my first pregnancy. You haven't been diagnosed yet-one step at a time?
That's what I'm trying to tell myself ... a lot of people failed the first test and apparently all doctors offices have different instructions they give their patients - some fast, some don't, etc. So I can't really understand how that can be that accurate. I am just going to focus on the holidays as I doubt the results will come in today or tomorrow.
How are you hanging in during the holiday?
Well, I'm a bit frazzled as my fridge freezer broke down 2 days ago..Have managed to save most of the food and today my new one arrived. Have spent the day setting it up and trying to keep the food safe whilst it was firing up. Fortunately my son was able to help with my daughter whilst my husband snored the day away...Story of my life...
I do hope you have a lovely Christmas and things are certainly looking good for you and your new family-in-the making:hugs:Don't worry about the GD aspect-it's very treatable and only temporary should you get diagnosed and that hasn't happened yet. Plenty of already diabetic mothers have perfectly safe pregnancies and healthy babies.
Oh no, what horrible timing! The only good thing about winter is sometimes you can salvage things by putting them outside in the snow if the fridge/freezer goes. I'm glad your son was able to come and help out. You could use a nap yourself! I'd wake mine up and make him do it :roflmao:
Thank you for your well-wishes. We had a very nice Christmas with the in-laws. My in-laws made a rocking chair for the baby and spoiled her rotten even though she's not even here yet. No news on the GD front so we'll see as the week goes on. I have an appointment Friday.
I hope you had a peaceful holiday and got some rest!
My results are posted by the lab and it looks like I passed :yahoo: I am so relieved! I haven't heard from the doctor, but typically with that office no news is good news and then they just review it at your next appointment. But everything seems to be well within the suggested range by the lab. I am sooooo happy!!
That's great news! GD is manageable and temporary but it's an added complication that you definitely didn't want. Good to get some positive news!
Yeah, I did a lot of research about it just in case and it seems doable, but with starting a new job next week I was not looking forward to starting testing multiple times a day and potentially injecting insulin. One less thing to worry about! Thanks, Pulisa :)
Today I start my first new adventure of 2018... obviously bigger adventures to come :) I start my new job today. I'm a little nervous, but am feeling much better than when I left work in October. So hopefully this is a good thing.
31 weeks pregnant tomorrow ... time is flying.
Good luck with the job :D
Yes good luck and great that you are feeling better about things! Let us now how you get on? How long are you working for up to the birth?
Thanks Buster and Pulisa :)
It was a good first day. There is a 6 week orientation period with lots of training, and the supervisor I met with today said to take my time with it because they don't want staff to rush into the work without feeling ready. She said if I needed more time to request it. The company feels very supportive and the employees I met seem happy. I am optimistic about it!
I will be working as long as I can until the birth ... so we'll see how things go! It's a job where I am not on my feet much, so that might help. I have also been told it's mostly less stressful than the type of work I was doing before. I have 9 weeks to go :) They have all seemed supportive of the pregnancy.
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Also just wanted to add a big thank you for everybody on this thread for all your support and cheering me on the past few months! It was really rough there for a bit and I am very relieved to be feeling better. Your help and encouragement were so important.
This new working environment sounds so much better than your last job where conditions and approaches to work seemed appalling to me. I'm so pleased that the first day went well and that you are optimistic about the future. You made the very difficult but completely right decision to quit your last job and had the strength and determination to find something else which would suit you much better in terms of maintaining your wellbeing and quality of working life. It's all very positive news and well done!!
9 weeks is a mere nothing-enjoy your last few weeks of pregnancy and get as much rest as you can? xx
Thank you, I am really relieved. I didn't think it would work out this way but things sometimes have a way of figuring themselves out I suppose. I feel much healthier, which was the most important piece of it.
These next 9 weeks are going to fly by. My sisters are throwing a baby shower this coming weekend and my MIL is throwing one the weekend after for family that lives near them (about 2 1/2 hours away). Nursery is coming along. Baby is getting big. Home stretch!
Just a little update. I am about 36 weeks pregnant now... 1 month to go hopefully. I am so exhausted!! Everything is sore and I get out of breath walking up the stairs. I guess that's just how it goes. My job has been really good so far. I am pleased with it and that is a HUGE relief based on recent history.
I had a scare yesterday that was a bit of a shake-up. I slipped and fell in the driveway on a patch of ice that I didn't see. It was actually warm out for February and so I wasn't thinking about ice, but there was one tiny patch that my husband said he couldn't really see either. I landed hard on my hip and side of my stomach. After that I had a few issues, so called the doctor who wanted me to go to the hospital to be monitored just in case. Well we spent 12 hours there yesterday because it turns out I was having contractions every 3-5 minutes that I didn't really even notice. I started to feel them more later in the day, but they slowed down so I was able to go home. I am just to drink tons of water and try to take it easy. Ideally baby will stay in a few more weeks.
Sorry you had that scare-maybe just Braxton Hicks contractions which can be very uncomfortable? The fall must have shaken you up but good to get a thorough check-up.
You're on the homeward strait now. Take things as easy as you can. If she were to arrive early she would be fine but best to stay in until at least 38weeks. However, babies have a mind of their own! My bet is that she'll be late but hopefully she will prove me wrong! Have you predicted her birth day yet?
I think they were BH as well, and was glad to know that labor wasn't starting. We have started a "baby pool" with family to all bet on her arrival. I think I picked 2/27, which would be just a little early but not too early. I hope she won't be late ... I had some friends picking dates in April :roflmao: I will not let that happen.
I will say 10th March. Don't know when your due date is and don't tell me-awful when people know and keep asking if you've had the baby..!! Both mine were early-son at 33 weeks and daughter at 37 weeks so I've never gone the whole hog!:D
It might be a good time to stop the dancing on ice now :D glad neither of you came to any harm and not long to go , went to see a mate the other day his little girl is about to turn one its so nice to see them at that age they change so quickly she's just about walking he was asking the usual questions when do you think she will walk ? Is this normal ? Should her poo be that colour ? Brings it all back .
Talking of pools they had a plan for home birth with a birthing pool and music playing ( she's a young midwife) bloody babies do what they want when they want , c section in hospital but all good and beautiful little girl , at least they have a paddling pool for when she's older .
Take care and take it eeeeasy :)
Thanks Buster and Pulisa :) I know, the worst part is there really was not a lot of ice compared to last week! Even at the hospital when I told them what happened, the doctors were like "There was ice out today?" I guess the one patch found me!
That's funny about the birth plan ... a lot of people have them, but I don't! A few people I know were surprised that I don't. I figure I'll go to the hospital and let the doctors tell me what to do - they know better than I do! I think the only thing in the birthing "plan" that I have done is thought about pain meds, which took me two seconds to decide that yes, I do want them :roflmao:
I know somebody who had a home birth in a little baby pool ... then a year later posted pictures online of her kids swimming in that same pool ... :eek: to each their own I guess.
£1000 for birthing pool and throw it away ? I'd be sitting in it all through summer probably with one dog ( the other doesn't swim ) sounds like a plan to have no plan at least it can't go wrong , do you know if it's a boy or girl ? It's weird for me having a grandson it's always been all girls up until now , outnumbered :D
Haha, I guess I just would get grossed out thinking of what bodily fluids had been in that pool! Hopefully they gave it a good bleach. It was one of those cheaper plastic baby pools that only cost about $10 - $30 depending on what you get.
We're having a girl, which is exciting because I only have nephews so far.
I think you are doing the best thing by not having a plan. Definitely go for as much pain relief as is appropriate-no point in being a martyr! All those fancy plans normally go out the window anyway! How far away from the hospital are you? I had to go to a major London hospital to have my daughter and this involved the motorway and a fair old journey-fortunately I had an elective caesarean because she was breach and I had gestational diabetes so no comic motorway dash/running out of petrol scenario!
We're about a half hour from the hospital. It's not terrible if there is no traffic, but in a pinch it would be a little tough. When we drove there the other day after the fall, we got stuck behind two school buses and a truck going so slowly and I was so anxious. But they say your first labor is a little slower (hopefully) to progress than the rest.
So far baby seems to be kind of sideways/transverse, so we will see what they say at my appointment on Friday. I suppose there is still time for her to turn but it seems to be based on provider preference on how long they will wait for that.
You must be having weekly appointments now so you'll be closely monitored. Have you got your hospital bag packed yet? Mine was packed ridiculously early "just in case":DStory of my life really..always planning ahead!
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