How supportive is your partner ?

[breeze25]

Didn't know really where to post this, hopefully its ok here.

I was just wandering exactly how supportive peoples partners actually were.

I would have to say for 90% of the time my hubby is a diamond, loving and supportive, but he goes through moments where I can tell that he is fed up with it. He can be supportive all day and then just say the wrong things and ruin a days good work.

I know it must be hard for him, a few months ago I was his happy confident wife, now I am a mess, self absorbed into my own problems, going through the motions of everyday life. I am taking pills now and I am sure I will feel better when I see the neurologist in 4 weeks, but still cant bare the thought of another 4 weeks feeling like this, probably longer as I am sure the neurologist wont be able to sort me out then and there.

[honeybee]

ha ha... im going through the same thing at the mo... infact i just wrote a thread about it... most of the time my fella is great but as you said, then he'll go and say something that is just really hurts... like today he's in work and i wrote him a text saying i'm really missing my family and mates at the mo and he wrote back "well, if yiou worked like the rest of us, you wouldn't feel like that"... being agoraphobic that wasn't the best response i could think of... i'm starting to think i just do his head in... i think he's starting to get a bit fed up with the situation and i dont blame him really...

[breeze25]

lol I was posting on your thread when you were posting on mine.

[yorkylover]

My patner is very supportive I would say 99% of the time.Sometimes he gets a little fed up I can tell,but he is entitled to.There is alot of things we havent been able to do as a couple because of me,so I dont blame him for that.
Until last year he didnt really understand anxiety and panic until he saw me have a major PA.Since then he has been much more understanding towards me.It is hard for them,sometimes my partner didnt know what to do when I was having an attack,but I explained what would help so he knew what to do.

[scatty_cat]

I'm sure it's quite difficult for partners sometimes. My hubby has said that he finds it hard to keep up with my moods. I can get sudden overwhelming feelings of despair and anxiety. Then he says 'but you were alright earlier'.

He has been a lot more understanding and supportive lately though. I had a really bad time last year and I confessed to him that I'd cut myself a couple of times. He was really shocked and asked me why I didn't tell him how bad I felt. But if you don't even know or understand how you feel yourself, it's so hard to tell someone else.

[kazzie]

Hi There

My partner has always been 100% supportive, when I met him 7 years ago I couldent even go in a supermarket and now I can do most things:yesyes:

If he ever gets fed up he dosent show it bless him:hugs:

Luv Kaz x x x:hugs:

[MikeyT]

I met my partner before I started with anxiety and panic attacks quite a while ago, so she knows the person that is really inside.
She calls me her mentalist - only in a leg pulling sort of way.
She is very supportive and understanding.
I agree it must be very hard for here, as we don't do certain things like Holidays abroad etc.
I do at times feel a big sense of guilt at the things she misses out on, but do try to make up for it in other ways.
Since I started with anxiety, we have managed to have to great children, which can being an anxiety sufferer can be difficult at times.
A stray thought came into my head the other day, was if we ever spilt, I probably would find it impossible to meet anyone else, but hey lets not go there..

All the best
Mick

[Southern_Belle]

I've always had anxiety so my husband has never known anything else with me. It has been worse for me though so these are the good days. I do know that once I had a severe panic attack in a doctor's office and didn't want them to call my husband as I didn't want to bother him at work even as they were hauling me into an ambulance to take me to the hospital. Eventually the hospital had to call him and he felt terrible that I had not wanted to call him. It actually brought us closer as feelings were discussed.

When I first joined this site he was not very supportive but now that he knows how much information and support it has given me he is obviously all for it.

Laura :)

[groovygranny]

My hubby was a rock to me when I was really ill - I doubt if I would have made progress as swiflty without his support.

Yes, there are times when I just know he is thinking "oh, I hope we don't have to go through that again" - he never lets on, but I see it in his face. Well, he is only human after all!

Now he gets the mix of understanding and firmness just right most of the time, although on occasion he can be a little over protective ! And he is very patient with my 'GG moments' lol !

I must confess I do worry a bit about how we would cope if I went down that dark road again, but I try not to dwell on it - just make the most of the here and now and be thankful !!

:)

[matt1981]

I live alone and I am single but I go to my mums at weekends and she is NOT very supportive, in fact she frequently makes things worse although she doesnt mean to. She always says things like "you ruin the atmosphere when ur stressed" and "you are just like ur dad" doesnt help and although I have told her I care about how she and the rest of the family feels she still says and thinks I don't care which is really upsetting because I have told her how much I try.

I think people who do not have anxiety do not understand and ur all lucky that you have people who support you.

[bubbleblitt]

I feel that my partner is not supportive.I was ok when we first met and then started having panic attacks when I was flying anywhere.He often tells me that it's all of my own doing as I agree to book a flight and then panic as the flight is getting nearer.I don't think e is purely to blame but I do think that this adds to my anxiety.
Also, if you have never had a panic attack then I don't think it's always easy to put yourself in that person's shoes and be sympathetic Bubble

[PUGLETMUM]

im really glad this thread was started as i spend sooooooooooooo much time dwelling on my relationship and whether he is or isnt supportive.

i agree with others as it must be very hard for people to give up large parts of their lives, for us we have become very very isolated because of me, we have relied heavily on his mum and dad to get us thru our tuff times but that only seems to have made matters worse!!!

2005 was a very good year for us and mark went off doing triathlons mainly through the summer, but in all that time he didnt ask me to go out or really show me that he loved me, i just felt stronger and better so he could do his own thing, but it didnt make him a better husband as i thought it would!!

i think its just the individual person and relationship, my husband has been mollycoddled himself, as in he has been waited on hand and foot and he has been encouraged to do everything in his life, he needed alot of input from his parents whereas his brother was a law unto himself! but also his mum is a tuff old bird who doesnt really 'do' emotions so i just dont think he knows how to relate to it?

emma

[Ellen70]

I haven't had a partner in five years now. My depression was a contibuting factor in the breakdown of the relationships. He was very good and listened when I tried to explain to him how depression and anxiety affect me and that when I take to bed for days on end that it wasn't him that made me do that, it was the depression. But he never really understood. He would suggest going away for a weekend and I would ask him if he remembered what I said about me anxiety problem? I think he understood my probs in theory but not in practice.

I would like to have a boyfriend now but the chances of finding someone who will accept that the panic, depression and I come as a package deal, are slim.

Eibhlin

[PUGLETMUM]

yes this is how it is for me, i have been crippled with anxiety in the last 12 weeks, but because hubby cant see it and i DO hide it well, he thinks im better than i am and then i have to remind him of all the freaky behaviour ive been doing just to get thru the days!!!!

if they could see it they would understand more i think?

emma

[Magpie]

I think you're right Emma, a lot of the time problems come about because despite the fact we feel it must be obvious we're really suffering it actually isn't.

I'm kind of lucky in that I don't need a lot of support, I shut myself away when I'm having an episode and hubby just lets me get on with it. However I make sure he knows what he needs to know and if there's something I really need him to do he'll generally do it.

However, my cousin's wife has similar problems that are more regularly debilitating than mine and she does have a lot of difficulties - her husband seems to cope pretty well but other family members tend to judge her despite the fact it's obvious she has mental health problems, like she'll not turn up to family gatherings or if they go to visit she'll stay in her room the whole time and they find it hard to accept. She is a strange and challenging person in general, how much of that is down to her illness I don't know but unless someone's being wilfully nasty I always think it's best to live and let live.

No wonder I shut myself away when I'm off on one, I don't want to have to face that kind of disapproval!

[dee22]

to tell you the truth. My boyfriend doesnt even know about it and i had had it for about a year. I hate it because i always make up exuses not to go to the movies because i am agraphobic. I say ohh im too tired and this and that and i make him feel bad because he thinks that i dont want to be seen with him or something

As for my parents ....they know and dont really support me they say im lazy and not going anywhere in life!

I can see how those comments from your hubby would bother you! i get comments like that everyday! people just dont understand but thats why we are all here to help you out!