View Full Version : To quote my husband "Please don't say this is back"
My husband has said just what I have been saying to myself. I have been really good in dealing with HA lately. Now I have symptoms which are ongoing and I can't explain.
I realised though that we were talking about it as though it was all about my HA and not addressing that I actually have some pain and strange symptoms.
As I have said in other posts, spasms in my back which are also in my chest now. A feeling that something is wrong inside me. I am trying to ignore it but it is difficult when it keeps happening. I had a terrible night last night, woke at 5am with panic and fear, thinking that I was really ill and would die. I was awake for ages.
I've been doing breathing exercises, stretching and walking. I went for a long walk today, then shopping to take my mind off it. However, I still keep feel something is happening internally. I am getting niggles/spasms in my upper and lower back, kidney area. I have no signs of water infection or anything. I am going light headed at times and feel tired. Can anyone else relate to this please? I am frightened I'll wake again tonight.
No one out of 90 who relates or can reply to this?
I have been a HA sufferer for a long time. Lately it's more general anxiety and panic for me, but I can tell you it definitely has caused me a lot of physical symptoms, especially muscle spasms and chest pain, difficulty breathing. I've been having panic attacks lately that truly feel like I am suffocating. When my HA was at it's worst, I was convinced something was wrong with me and noticed things all the time that felt strange or hurt. But what was always interesting to me is that when I got on meds and started to feel better, I didn't notice any of those physical things anymore. So that taught me that my anxiety was causing a lot of it.
That's not to say that what you are experiencing isn't real. Are you getting any help for the anxiety? Have you had check-ups with your doctor?
Midnight-mouse
13-10-17, 13:49
No one out of 90 who relates or can reply to this?
I can definitely relate to this, especially the feeling of something being wrong inside. Take a visit to the gp, if there’s nothing they can see to be amiss then I’m afraid it would be HA.
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Thank you swgrl09
I know what you mean about symptoms being a bit sporadic. I have been just about ignoring them the last day or two but I worry that I'm getting so used to having HA that I will ignore something that is really bad.
I have been to my gp in the past, I try not to go if possible as it raises my anxiety a lot. I have had CBT which I still use, it can help but at times even that fades into the distance as I feel so bad. I have been doing really well of late, not worrying too much and always rationalising my symptoms, hence my husband saying what he did about it 'being back'. Something that I have noticed is that I am always worse in winter months and dark nights. SAD is definitely a factor to anxiety I think. I am going away for the weekend so am hoping to be ok.
Well first off - that's wonderful that lately you have been doing well! It's normal to have blips/bumps in the road with health anxiety. And I can completely relate to worrying that you will ignore something that is really bad. I have had that conversation with my husband so many times because he does not have HA.
I have tried a few strategies to give myself perspective because my HA perspective is so warped. One thing I try to do is make myself wait two weeks. If I am still worrying about it in two weeks or it is still there, then I will call the doctor. Most of the time it has gone or I have moved on. Another option I try is running it by somebody who does not have HA who I trust and who knows what I struggle with. I will ask my husband how he would approach a symptom that I notice. Most of the time he just says "I would just see if it got worse." I tell myself if it was something really bad, I would probably know and it probably wouldn't just pop up here and there.
Sometimes those things help me, sometimes they don't and I end up calling the doctor anyway. But I figure I'd rather call my doctor than worry endlessly for weeks. The challenge then is believing the doctor and leaving it at that.
My husband has said the same thing to me. He is an extremely rational person with no anxiety. I had gotten over a fear of stomach/esophageal cancer (after two endoscopes) and was starting to do a bit better. As I still have the "symptoms", which he told me I would, I have started to doubt the two tests again. It must be so hard for our significant others to see us go through this.
My husband has said the same thing to me. He is an extremely rational person with no anxiety. I had gotten over a fear of stomach/esophageal cancer (after two endoscopes) and was starting to do a bit better. As I still have the "symptoms", which he told me I would, I have started to doubt the two tests again. It must be so hard for our significant others to see us go through this.
Yes, it is difficult for them to see it from our perspective as it is often not a rational one.
I think that when symptoms remain, like yours have, it is difficult not to still worry, have they said why you still get symptoms?
This is the worst part of HA for me, it shows it's ugly head when I get any symptoms that I can't explain away easily. That's why I feel so low at the moment, not knowing what it is. I often try to tell myself it could all still be related to my IBS and therefore nothing terrible to be concerned about. Feeling poorly on and off all the time isn't nice and constantly reminds you to keep thinking about your body and what could be wrong with it.
How do you manage to cope with it?
In both of the scopes they told me my stomach issues are very likely due to pregnancy due to hormonal and physical changes. They were both done independently without knowledge of one another and both saw a very small spot of irritation in my esophagus from the reflux and food poisoning I had. Both scopes took biopsies of my esophagus and stomach and told me my stomach appeared completely normal except for the small spot of irritation. But of course, I'm still having bad reflux and an upset tummy. Also doesn't help when it's all I focus on. I think they does a lot. I really struggle with unexplained symptoms. My husband told me before the first endoscope that I would need to learn to cope with th3 symptoms as the scope wasn't going to take them away. I figured after the test I would at least know it wasn't caused by cancer so this would alleviate my stress. The problem is that my issue is psychological. I usually cope by going to try to obtain another test to relieve my anxiety but I recognize that this doesn't work and hasn't helped me. I've started to learn to cope by thinking with my logical brain instead of my emotional brain. I also posted on another individuals post about occam's razor. This is a philosophical theory that states the more assumptions you have to make, the less likely it's true. So in my case, it is more likely that the doctors didn't find anything sinister because nothing sinister was there. Vs. My assumption that I have one of these uncommon cancers at 28 years old, the doctor was able to see a small spot of irritation but failed to see a mass, failed to see inflammation and failed to see bleeding, they failed to biopsy the right spot and the biopsy was misinterpreted, I also have to assume that my type of condition does not rapidly progress after 8 months of symptoms. Hope this helps!!
But you don't have "unexplained " symptoms. They have been explained in full and of course being pregnant brings the delights of chronic heartburn anyway.
---------- Post added at 19:42 ---------- Previous post was at 19:27 ----------
It's concerning that you were able to have repeat endoscopies without the hospitals being aware of your previous tests and ongoing HA, especially as you are pregnant. I presume if you have the money to pay for tests you can just have them? If so that's such a green light for HA.
But you don't have "unexplained " symptoms. They have been explained in full and of course being pregnant brings the delights of chronic heartburn anyway.
---------- Post added at 19:42 ---------- Previous post was at 19:27 ----------
It's concerning that you were able to have repeat endoscopies without the hospitals being aware of your previous tests and ongoing HA, especially as you are pregnant. I presume if you have the money to pay for tests you can just have them? If so that's such a green light for HA.
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Hi Pulisa,
I totally agree that it is problematic that I had two separate endoscopes. I figured if the second one knew about the first scope, they wouldn't do it. I am really struggling as I know how irrational I am being, how inappropriate it is to have had as many tests as I have had and how unlikely it is for large cancers to be missed separately but when this anxiety hits, its like nothing else matters. This is what I am working the hardest on overcoming. It was the same with the two colonoscopies I had. Both done at separate hospitals without awareness of one another. You would think that I would learn my lesson that tests do not help improve my anxiety or I would have been anxiety free months ago.
Do you think that you are frightened that you will die of some missed terminal disease before you give birth and never get the chance to be a mother? I only ask this because I know how my HA works.I don't want to put ideas in your head though-this is purely my take on it.
It’s really silly to be deceiving medical staff about what procedures you have had done. I don’t understand why anyone would do that.,
It's alarming that the hospitals didn't want to see your previous medical history but if they just take your money it doesn't help you in the long run which has been proved. You've realised the trap you have fallen into and I think your new plan to visit your GP instead of booking new tests based on your own "diagnoses" is a good starting point.
Pulisa,
You have hit it right on the head. My health anxiety started when my husband and I finally decided to start trying for a family. For the first time I began googling obsessively about infertility and statistics. I became convinced I was infertile. I was so fortunate to have become pregnant so quickly but my anxiety moved onto the fear of dying before the baby came or having to terminate the pregnancy for treatment. As I progressed in my pregnancy (and where I am now) my fear is now dying shortly after having my baby. It's so consuming and makes me so scared and upset. I've spoken to a few moms that said pregnancy is where their HA peaked.
I didn't believe my body was capable of acting normally after years of self-imposed "abuse" from the ED. It wasn't so I had to take fertility drugs but was very lucky to be able to have my son. I had to do the same for my daughter but had a miscarriage bag packed from as soon as I knew I was miraculously pregnant. I didn't need it. I didn't fear terminal illness when pregnant but didn't actually believe I would ever give birth-it just wouldn't happen and would all be a ghastly mistake. I even dream about this now (32 years on!!)
You just don't trust yourself, Casey, and fear that motherhood will be denied you despite the imminent birth. You are on the alert for any sign that this will happen and your fears will be validated?
---------- Post added at 19:29 ---------- Previous post was at 18:01 ----------
I apologise for hijacking your thread, CeeCeeCee and will back off now
[/COLOR]I apologise for hijacking your thread, CeeCeeCee and will back off now[/QUOTE]
No problem, it's open to all.
Hi CeeCee
I've been feeling off lately. I have this strange shooting ache which started in my right abdo and then now its going into my groin and leg. Its not painful as such but I'm aware that its there. Then Ill get pins and needles. I've had light headedness on off for months. I ad my eyes checked and everything was fine. I cant help but think something serious is wrong but I'm also petrifies to see my GP. Ive not been in years so I'm at the watch and wait stage. Its abit better today and is fine when Im walking around. Its like when you've been sat on your bum and your bum and leg goes numb!
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